


Amidst the Lavender Blooms *slow updates but writing chap 18*

by jinkixingsoo



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Do Kyungsoo | D.O-centric, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Intense, M/M, Modern Royalty, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 61,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23313553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinkixingsoo/pseuds/jinkixingsoo
Summary: As someone in his status, Kyungsoo has done lots of things. It may be something like excellent sword fighting or training to be the proper royal Magna Borealis needs. Compared to the matters of his heart, he has done big things too. That is trying to forget, trying to understand, trying to tolerate.But amidst the lavender blooms, who is he going to give his heart to?(Narrated in snippets)
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Oh Sehun, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 95
Kudos: 52





	1. Failing to Forget

Kyungsoo stared at the window, looking at the wide expanse of the gardens filled with blooming lavenders at the front of their castle. The sun is rising, and he purposely tries to wake up every day at the same time consistently, to catch the sun peaking its way to the morning and to see the purple blooms shining for the new day.

Not thinking of anything, he continues to stare with mind generally drifting. But in the bottom of his heart, there's the pit of longing, of ache, of regret. Unanswered questions still bug his mind while staring at nothing.

_'Did he eat? Where was he? Has he found someone better to replace me with? Was being with me that scary and uncertain that it made him leave? Why did he leave?'_

It’s been years, but he mulled over the same set of questions about him, about the love he found in that sun kissed boy. About the stolen kisses in the middle of the day, about those sweet holding of hands during their lunches, and about how they stare at the beautiful sunrise every day, thinking about each other. About how they always text nonstop during weekends and vowing to watch those sunsets at the same time despite being far away from each other. Always talking about how they want to be together and how to prolong every single day with each other. Everyday feeling the bliss of love, of wholeness, and of happiness.

But now all those moments were turned into mere memories, all those touches turned into ghosts of his subconscious. Despite all of these threatening his eyes to cry, he still remembers those memories vividly and that tears his heart day after day. Always asking where on earth could Jongin have gone to and why does he have to vanish like that, as if promises of staying were not said.

Kyungsoo looks at the small, cream-white shell on his palm, fiddling it for the millionth time. He is memorizing the texture and the feel of it over again, as if he got it the first time. All while playing the broken record of him and Jongin, holding hands by the tree at high school, where they used to take their secret lunches every day. Remembering the bright smile and shining eyes he always gives him.

_"A lovely pretty shell I found over the weekend,” the speaker dramatically kneeling in front of him and presenting something. “just for a pretty one like you." Jongin took his hand, giving him a pretty cream-colored shell._

_"Oh, thank you Jongin. What could be the occasion?" Kyungsoo mused, as he was curious why would he receive something so random._

_"No babe, I just remembered you. Take it as me giving you something to always remember me by," the taller man answered, playfully winking then smiling sweetly at him. Kyungsoo began to inspect the thing, running his fingers on the lines of the corrugated shell._

_"You’re always the sweet lovesick bean between us." Kyungsoo smirked, teasing Jongin. "but I love you for it. Thank you." Jongin stopped eating and embraced Kyungsoo, leaving a kiss on his forehead._

_"I will always be that lovesick bean, only for you. Promise me you'll stay with me. Promise me we'll always be like this."_

_Kyungsoo melted upon hearing the words. He was so happy to have known Jongin, his Jongin. The sun-kissed boy who loves dancing in his regular high school, the boy whom he thought was his sun and his moon, the boy whom he sees being with, forever. It may seem too early to tell for their age, and tedious given since he is a prince and the taller was non royalty, but he knows the flowers of his heart bloom because of him. And he will find a way to make the present stay as it is._

_He knows the boy holds him dear too. But all that unnecessary status of him being the prince even if he was not in line for the throne, plus their nearing graduation, given that they’re already seniors, has got him worried. "I will always be with you, you dummy. Until you get so sick of me, whining about how you eat so little or practice dancing too much. I will always be here."_

_"Will you never leave me, even things would get tedious?" he said barely, like a whisper, suddenly becoming unsure whether Jongin will really stay. The fact that he is a stupid "royal" still bothers him. It bothers him more than he lets on. He knows he will do what it takes to fight for this love he holds dear, even if it costs him to give up his status as a royal of the North. Magnus Borealis doesn’t really need him, he thinks, given that he is the third child already of the Do family and not in line to the throne. He believes that since he is the third child and his duties are not even near to those of their first born Do Hyun, he can probably find a way to reason out to his parents how he wants to marry Jongin._

_“Of course, love. I will never. Never in a million years.”_

With such memory, tears were shed again, unnoticed. He continued to watch the sun rise, their beloved sunrise for the nth time and fiddling again with the shell in his hand.

 _‘Maybe he got scared and thought of the circumstances. Maybe he found me, us, not worth it to fight for.’_ He concludes, yet again. After all, maybe them being a secret and seemingly not meant to be together, status-wise, must’ve mattered to Jongin. _'Oh god, why wouldn’t it matter?'_ He left because of him, because he cannot simply marry a commoner, because he has a duty to this kingdom even if it is of a third born child. But why does he have to go so suddenly, without any goodbye at all?

“Your Highness, breakfast is already served downstairs.” A servant knocked on his door.

He must gather his strength to live through it, through the torture of longing, of regretting he can never love Jongin, touch his hands or see his smile again. All will only remain like a dream, a sweet dream with a bitter ending. An ending he never thought he would even have, never even wanted to happen.

 _‘I have to move on. I really must. Otherwise, this will crush me yet again to pieces. I really have to let you go. You want that Jongin, right? Why wouldn’t you leave if you intended to fight for this, to continue loving me. To dreaming of being together, forever, like I want us to. Guess you never loved me as much as I love you, you never loved me enough to stay. I guess all of it were lies.'_ His mind running with hurtful thoughts and realizations yet again as he looked at the garden, finally with the sun that has fully risen. He placed the shell to his personal box and hid it in the very bottom of his dresser. He decided he must start forgetting about him, as Jongin walked away so easily and abruptly to forget him.

“Coming.” He tiredly called out and went downstairs for breakfast.


	2. To Pursue One's Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! ^^
> 
> This is my very first fic. Its been so long since i wrote something and i worry i am a little bit rusty hihi. But I have this idea in mind and I just one day decided to write a fic for it. Hope you enjoy the story and bare with the smaller updates hihi, I'll be trying to lengthen them as soon as the story progresses. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading ^^

Kyungsoo goes downstairs, joining his family for breakfast. Sitting on the third from the right side of the length of their long dining table, he sits down quietly mulling over the feelings he cant quite name.

He feels suffocated as usual, because him being seated in this very position in the room reminds him of his status. Of how it is already in the modern day era but he still has stupid duties as a royal, how he has to train to be accustomed to what was expected of him. Things imposed on him, things he has to do and follow, traditions he has to uphold. It strangles him, silently wishing at times that he shouldn’t have been born one. Cause yes, he has privileges and he love some of them, if he were to be honest. He can learn way so much about the history of his kingdom, about sword fighting and horse riding, how to work proper trading with other kingdoms and how trading routes go. How he can have whatever food he requests for, how they always get the best books and facilities whenever they needed. Yes, he loves how he can learn war strategy at the same time study the rich ecology his land has. But despite all the privileges, he cannot even keep what he holds dear. The only thing that he finds more valuable than anything else, valuable than being an excellent person he is expected to be. Thus, he now sees it only as a label. A mere status, the thing his ex-love had run away from.

He thinks that maybe, if only he were not born someone with this status, he could’ve had no problems with marrying a commoner. If only he were normal like Jongin, having their relationship wouldn’t be such an issue. But then being a Borealian royal means him marrying only for status, choosing also those who were royals themselves. For negotiations, interborder relations, trading. Even so far as arranged marriages.

Generally, he has lesser duties as a Do, given that his older brother Do Hyun is the line to the throne and him and his older sister Do Hyunji generally only have the “basic” and essential duties as a royal. Knowledge in sword fighting and military, trade negotiations and routes, basic Magna Borealis history as well as the histories and characteristics of the other kingdoms. They also had to learn their Borealian law, as well as knowing the customs of their neighboring territories. All these deemed essential as they are called to be hands on anytime, as a precautionary measure in case of unprecedented events.

Being in the North, their kingdom is generally the one with lavender-filled fields and beautiful sceneries of mountains and flora. The Great North is the center of trade in their region, as agricultural and mineral produce is their forte. Due to them being abundant with necessary raw materials and resources priced in the Regalis region, neighboring kingdoms always strengthen their ties and trades with them, often giving all the Dos duties of interkingdom relations as well. That’s why, despite him being the lesser royal, he has to be dependable and do all the readings and insights for every agreement given to him.

Also with that, he doesn’t see it impossible for him to marry just for the sake of the traditions of the region. Marrying to merely keep the peace and ties.

He suddenly noticed that his breakfast was already placed right in front of him. He stared at the dish, not feeling hungry at all. It's creamy garlic chicken, reminding him yet again at how it’s Jongin’s favorite. _‘Why does it have to always remind me of him?’_ he thought to himself. Its been so long since he finished college and his secret love with the boy were literally during his whole high school, but the how could he forget, when everything he sees reminds him of that smile, of that touch, of that gracefulness the boy is.

He remember how much of a chicken lover Jongin was, always smiling and groaning, seemingly in exasperation every time Kyungsoo tries to cook for him a chicken dish.

_"You always make the best dishes. I feel like even if it's just vegetables, you would turn it into something heaven." Jongin, talking while his mouth is stuffed with the creamy garlic chicken Kyungsoo cooked for him today._

_"Don't fool me, you just want me to keep cooking and bringing you free lunches. You spoiled brat." Kyungsoo playfully poked him._

_"No, I am serious love. You are an excellent cook. You bring heaven to me even in food. God, I love you." Kyungsoo is being pulled towards the taller, showering him quick teasing kisses on the right side of his neck, which makes him laugh because that's where he is ticklish._

_"Yah, stop tickling me." Kyungsoo exclaimed in between laughs, attempting to poke Jongin's armpits to get back at him._

_They laughed and tickled each other further. Then he hears Jongin's high-pitched laughs, sending his mind in a frenzy. God, he loves it when he hears him laughing, when he sees him smile that genuinely happy smile of his. He basks in moments like these, he treasures their moments like these._

_He loves when he sees him smiling cause he is beautiful. It always makes his stomach go nuts like a tangled chaos, his heart go flutter like butterflies. God, he would love to always see the crinkles in those brown eyes and be filled with happiness. He feels like he is floating in cloud nine everytime he hears the boy laugh, even just hearing Jongin's voice. God, he all he wants to do is to make Jongin happy. To be with him and laugh and cry and whatever things he has to do, but all with this boy. He just wants to be happy, with this man, always._

_'Why do I have to remember you again?'_ No matter how much he tries, he will always see something associated with that boy that sends his mind and heart haywire yet again. 

“Kyungsoo.” Someone called out to him. He turned his head to see his father calling to him. “How’s the trading negotiations with Solis Ortus going?”

He's been out of focus yet again, reminiscing that stupid old love that will never come back. _'When will you keep yourself together you idiot. Focus.'_

“Its been quite tedious, I should say. They have been agreeable in terms of the wheat and flower trading negotiations but they have been reluctant in negotiating their mineral resources. I suppose they do not find it helpful or beneficial to trade with us for that matter? Which I don’t get at all father.“ This is only one of those cases where it is very hard to negotiate matters with other kingdoms, especially one like Solis Ortus whom are very calculative with their trades and deals.

Solis Ortus is the East kingdom of the Regalis region, where the sun rises. It is ruled by the Kim family, whom are very traditional rulers. Its been always slow in terms of ties with the said Kingdom, due to their wary ever since their only child and heir had gone missing. The said family had lost their only heir on the day of the kingdom’s sun festival. Rumors circulated that the child was taken and no one knew who did the crime. Thus, the said kingdom have been careful with anyone foreign to even enter their borders, as they are protecting their few royals and are still on the look out for the child.

Honestly, he also finds the kingdom quite exhausting to deal with especially it only reminds him how its always in the east that the sun rises. Yes, Jongin literally has no connection to the said kingdom since he is a citizen of the North, but he cannot help it when it is Jongin he sees every time the sun rise.

He just wishes the matter will be passed to either of the Do throne line, cause god he is aching to do less taxing stuff like sword practice or gardening. Anything related to Solis Ortus is stressing him out. _‘Do Hyun should do these deals, he is better at these kinds of negotiations.’_ “

Okay, I suppose you hand over that to Do Hyun instead. Your applications to Regalis Academy, are they taken cared of?”

“Yes, father. I am set to have my first day tomorrow.”

 _‘Ah, yes. More royal training to bombard me with.’_ He has been tired at how he has to keep up with these trainings he needs to fulfill. But he thinks it will be fine, it will be a way to fully distract himself and make his heart forget of the things aching for him. Maybe he can finally move on from that stupid high school love.

* * *

_‘Ah finally. I look pretty good in this, he will notice me this time, right? Ah, Chanyeol quit worrying. You just have to be yourself, go smooth and you’ll do fine.’_ He internally rambled, sighing at how finally he found a pretty satisfactory look for his first day in the Academy.

Chanyeol is looking forward to the first day, knowing he will finally see him again. Kyungsoo, his childhood best friend. They haven’t got in touch ever since high school and he only got to hear about the prince through their kingdom’s events and projects on the internet. But finally, the day both of them have to attend Regalis Academy is the day he swears he will turn things around.

“Jongdae, yah. Pay attention.” He whined at Jongdae, busy sitting by his bed side, playing some stupid game in his phone. “Do I look good?”

“God, decide already. You've been scrambling over your clothes for thirty minutes now. I am sure Prince Kyungsoo will find you beautiful that he will kiss you for it. Satisfied?” his friend and knight, sassed.

“Quit it you punk! I am not doing this for him what the hell.” Chanyeol is annoyed at how Jongdae just knew about his need to impress Kyungsoo, even just in subtle ways. _‘Am I that obvious?’_

As if on cue: “Well, of course you are pretty obvious. Still head over heels over that quiet Do prince. Why don’t you offer yourself for inter-border relations, sire? Say, do an arranged marriage for our beloved South.” Jongdae dramatically answered, reading his mind.

“Yah, I may be the next person in line but I don’t wanna rush being bombarded with lots of work. Besides, that’s for father to decide.”

He turned to face the mirror again, eyeing his reflection. Yes, he can probably do a lot of things like that, stupid tricks just to have a thing with his childhood mate. But he wouldn’t want to live with an almost loveless marriage, even that of a one sided. He doesn’t want it to go be an obligation for Kyungsoo, he wants to make him notice his own feelings for the boy. He is hoping that maybe he’d be keen on looking at him to be someone more. He is just taking his chances, say, to pursue one’s whipped heart.

* * *

Kyungsoo sat on his chosen seat, trying to calm his nerves. For whatever unknown reason, his body chose to make him panicky and on edge today. Taking a deep breath, he is trying to relax, willing to steady himself. _‘It’s just duty. Youre here to learn, its just school you idiot, nothing to be worried about.’_

“Hey Kyungsoo. Do you remember me?” He turned to his right side to see another young prince.

“Of course I remember you. How have you been? It’s been so long since the last time you visited.” He smiled at Chanyeol, his childhood bestfriend. He is the prince of the Southern kingdom of Regalis, the young Ignis prince. He used to spend the weekends with him at their castle’s gardens, since his parents and Chanyeol’s are close. They were technically best friends, the young princes who used to play in the meadows. But due to them being from different kingdoms and had to attend high school and college in their own places, they haven’t kept in touch for years.

“Well, you know stuff to do. School and duties happened. You didn’t looked different from the last time I saw you when we were kids. Heck, why didn’t you even seem to grow up?” Chanyeol teased the younger, making the latter roll his eyes in mock annoyance.

“Yah, just because you Parks are tall doesn’t mean you get to insult me.” Kyungsoo countered while pinching the taller’s side, causing him to dramatically fall on the floor.

“Yahhh youre still the same brutal sadist.”

“No I’m not. Quit yapping.” Kyungsoo laughed at his best friend’s remark. _‘Ah still the same bright Chanyeol’_

“Let’s catch up, Soo. For old time’s sake. Let’s both grab lunch together, later? Yes?”

“Sure, I’d love to.” Kyungsoo replied, feeling at ease knowing he isn’t actually going to spend the whole academy years lonely and boring. He has Chanyeol to be with.

* * *

“No I’m not. Quit yapping.” Kyungsoo laughed sweetly at him. _‘Ah, same old cute Kyungsoo, my cute Kyungsoo.’_ God, he is such a smitten idiot. But how can he help it, when Kyungsoo rarely smiles with full cresent eyes? And the best thing is its because of him. He just loves the feeling that his best friend would smile at him like that. He wants to always see him smile for him, just like that.

“Let’s catch up, Soo. For old time’s sake. Let’s both grab lunch together, later? Yes?”

_‘Please say yes. I miss being with you. I wanna be with you even if its just catching up.’_

“Sure, I’d love to.” Kyungsoo replied.

Chanyeol beamed back at his friend, feeling relieved they are going to spend their academy years, together. Finally he can catch up with his best friend.

_‘This is gonna be a good day’_


	3. Weird Knots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! 
> 
> I will be adding songs that go with certain chapters, like a soundtrack for the feel of the specific chapter hihi ^^ tell me what'd youd think of adding songs like a playlist for the whole story.
> 
> for this chapter, it's two ^^ 
> 
> thank you again for reading!

Holding his sword tight, Kyungsoo found himself practicing swords with Chanyeol. The latter insisted he isn’t skilled in this area, begging the younger to practice with him. With swords bound to each other and several panting breaths, the two had tried to settle their breathing from the intense sword fight a while ago, staring at each other intently.

The taller is now back on a fighting stance, firmly holding the sword over his shoulder. Kyungsoo decided to circle away from the other, keeping the sword in motion as to confuse his opponent. He keeps changing his guard and stances to try to confuse the other, to give Chanyeol some chance to see good sword fighting cause yup, he knows he excels in this area. He is confident in his sword skills.

He is intense though for an opponent, Kyungsoo noted, always knowing when to counter his moves even if he do need some more practice.

The older then charged trying to slash him but he countered, raising his sword high horizontally and tried to push back in which the taller had responded to quickly, moving back, avoiding his face getting slashed by the sword.

“See, you’re such a good sword fighter. That’s why I prefer practicing with you. “ Chanyeol declared, panting while walking, then going over their things by the side, taking from the servant one of his towels.

“You are understating yourself,” he countered. “You just need a few practices and you’ll be good. You know how to counter attacks pretty quickly.”

Chanyeol stared at him for a good few seconds and smiled afterward, in which flustered him with that seemingly thinking of something expression of his. He wonders what could have rendered the taller speechless.

“What are you thinking, Chan? You seem to be amused about something.”

“Ahh nah its nothing important.” The speaker looked down, focused on arranging his things, removing his protective gear from his body and into his bag, all while knowingly smiling. Kyungsoo smiled down too, the taller’s smile rubbing off on him and feeling light as well. It feels good to be over here again, doing what he loves and excels at, sword fighting with his best friend. It feels nice not being able to be stuck in paper works or moping about stressful stuff for once; it’s fresh air for him. Well, its been a while since he felt genuinely at ease at where he is, and this moment is a big breather for him. He looks forward to more small light moments like these.

* * *

Stretching his tired back and body, Kyungsoo took a break from the reading. ‘What time is it already?’

Kyungsoo looked at the alarm clock at the right side of his desk. Its already 12 am and he still isn’t done with all the readings he needs to adhere to. He has done almost half of those legal documents, which was progress in its own, albeit rather slowly. “God, when will this end? I suppose I should do this tomorrow.”

He walked to his bed, trying to relax his mind and devoid it of work thoughts. He has been trying to do readings as soon as he arrives home, which is always estimated two travel hours away from the academy. His daily schedule from the past three weeks were waking up to travel to the center of the region that is their university, to Regalis, do royal classes, using the travel time back to the castle for sleep and do document reading at night. Same routine everyday but it works to keep his mind off from unnecessary stressful thinking. The usual thoughts of regret and longing for someone who is never coming back are avoided. If it would take him trying to work 24/7 then why not, as long as it puts off all those heavy pits of feelings.

He stared at the ceiling, still trying to think nothing to get his mind to rest and eventually sleep. Suddenly, his phone dinged.

_***Prince Chanyeol** : Hey _

_***Prince Chanyeol** : You still awake? _

He lets out a little chuckle before he notices, suddenly amused and wondering what could Chanyeol want at this hour.

**‘Yeah. What’s up?’**

_***Prince Chanyeol** : Nothing, really. Just checking up on you :)_

Now that tingled his heart weirdly.

**_‘Still cannot sleep?’_ **

_***Prince Chanyeol** : I suppose so. _

_***Prince Chanyeol** : Can I ask you something?_

_‘ **Sure.’**_

_***Prince Chanyeol** : was wondering what could you be doing tomorrow or the whole weekend, for that matter :D_

**_‘Nothing really significant, probably paper work and practice for our classes. Why?’_ **

_***Prince Chanyeol** : Would it be fine to crash in your home again? Ya know, just spending quality time with my best friend. I don’t wanna do things yet again here, on my own hahaha_

**_‘You should’ve asked your parents for another sibling, not bombard me.’_ **

_***Prince Chanyeol** : Please? Like you can do anything you want, read study whatever. I just want to have someone with me doing the same things. Was planning on probably studying my heads out on politics. And grab lunch with you. _

_***Prince Chanyeol:** Don’t worry, my treat. Imma bring food._

Kyungsoo smiled, feeling light at how insistent his best friend is. Its been only three weeks since they saw each other again in university, but the giant is such a clingy one that keeps on asking him to hang out. Not that he really minds, but its heart warming someone actually wants to cling to him every weekend.

**_‘Such a clingy. Whatd youd do without me :)’_ **

**_‘sure, imma ask them to cook for us food too.’_ **

_***Prince Chanyeol:** Great! I look forward to tomorrow. Thank you. Good night, Soo. _

He softly put away his phone in the sheets, staring at the ceiling yet again.

_‘Well, something to actually look forward tomorrow.’_

* * *

Chanyeol got up fast as soon as he heard his alarm for the day, basking in the beautiful sunrise for this beautiful day. He wants to scream with excitement as its finally weekend, Saturday, the day he only wants to spend and allocate for his Kyungsoo.

“Ah when did I get so giddy like this?” he mused as he took in the view of the sunrise from his window and drank his coffee. His heart is pounding like no tomorrow and his head is filled with bongo-like rhythm, containing his excitement and giddiness over the fact that he is spending the day today, with him.

 _‘I must be going crazy.’_ He smiles as he takes a shower to travel to Borealis.

-xxxxxx-

He arrived at the Do’s castle in about 4 hours, after he had sat in the car and kept daydreaming about Soo’s sparkling eyes, heart-shaped smile and plump lips. He cannot help that his heart is literally doing somersaults every time he visits him; thus, he spent the whole travel practicing his guitar skills.

He also basks in at how beautiful the fields Borealis has, filled with blooming lavenders and different flowers that adorn the whole place. He loves the view along with its bright sun and it reminds him exactly of Kyungsoo, the regal, calm, collected but warm and beautiful prince who captured his heart.

He loves his own kingdom too, Ignis, cause of its vibrancy, energy and ecstatic atmosphere cause he is exactly drawn towards its lively festivals, people and markets. Their place is filled with bright white, yellow and sometimes purple crocuses that add to the cheerfulness of the whole place. His place is the representation of fiery energy, always alive, always happy.

But despite the only place he finds home and happiness, he finds a different kind of happiness only in the Do’s. Not only because their families are close friends for years but because there is a different vibe he gets from the place and the family. He cannot quite explain but a happiness that is beautifully dainty, some piece of satisfying peace that he has never found in anyplace else.

For a long time now, he has only set his eyes on him. Ever since they played together, became close as they were when they used to be kids, he has found that same peace and joy in him. Ever since he only thought of him, smiled cause of him, dreamt of him. He knows and accepts that yes, until now he is such a whipped guy for the Do, but how can he not when the prince was literally every thing he finds beautiful ever since they're kids? Like lavenders, Kyungsoo is pure, sincere, serene and elegant. He reflects beauty, the kind of beauty that’s silent and low key striking and it now makes sense how he always felt too happy when he is with him.

_‘Makes sense why the lavenders fill Borealis. Its so much like the Do’s. It’s like him.’_

He exits the car, only to be greeted by Kyungsoo at the side door of the castle and a servant to get his stuff.

He mustve stared way too long cause he sees the confusion in the prince’s face.

“Chanyeol, you okay?”

_‘I am just in awe at how beautiful you indeed are.’_

-xxxxxx-

After hours of studying, Chanyeol decided to play guitar for a break. As if on cue, the servants came in too, bring the fruits and drinks the Do’s prepared for them.

“Well I brought chicken club sandwiches for us too, the way you want it.” He winked at Kyungsoo, who just finished reading his book.

“Oh wow. Thank you Chan. I missed eating these too, its been so long since you brought me these.” The speaker took a bite, all while seemingly giddy to finally eat the sandwiches he brought.

“Someone is definitely too hungry.” He teased as he bit his own share of the food.

After finishing his own share, faster than the younger’s pace of eating, he decided to continue playing some chords on his guitar.

“Sing something for me.”

He glanced at the Do Prince, who is still stuffing his mouth with some fruits. He laughed at the cuteness he is seeing. _‘Ah, you're just too demanding yet too cute for your own good.’_

“You're too demanding. “ He teased the younger again, saying what he thinks but of course omitting the last part, the part he aches to tell him. The words that hint at how he really feels being with him.

“Well I welcomed you in here on this very weekend, so payback.” Kyungsoo answered back while laughing heartily.

“Alright.”

* * *

Kyungsoo tried to banter with his bestfriend, just wanting to hear the taller sing. Chanyeol bought his guitar with him, insisting he needs to practice his instrument on their study breaks too.

“Alright.”

The Ignis prince began to play a few chords, that sounded familiar but Kyungsoo cannot make out. He decided to continue staring at the boy, at his guitar, while sipping his strawberry limeade.

He suddenly recognized the song. _‘No, not this.’_

_The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful_

_  
Stop me and steal my breath_

Of course, he remembers this. His heart remembers the feeling that the song is quite vividly. It’s the song that takes him back to that moment Jongin gifted this to him. The gentle singing the taller did, sitting with him while both of them looked at the sky. He still remembers every detail. The feel of the boy’s hands intertwined with his, the soft sweet voice he wants to save and listen to every time, the side profile he sees in that moment that screams grace and beauty. The moment that makes his heart beat erratically and quite happily as it did that day. But now, it also brings back the pain. The things he tries to forget.

_  
Emeralds from mountains and thrust towards the sky_

_  
Never revealing their depth_

“Stop.”

“Huh, why? Is something wrong, Soo?”

He looks at the taller, trying to understand why he asked such thing. He suddenly noticed his confused features.

“You said I should stop. Is it bothering you? I’m sorry. Am I doing something wrong?”

“No its just that I don’t feel comfortable about that song.” He answered, in a bare whisper. He must've unconsciously said the words his heart and mind wants right now about everything that is Jongin. That is he wants everything to stop, the longing, the reminiscing. Anything really that screams him. The things he has been avoiding for weeks now. But sadly reminded of, yet again.

They sat in silence for a quite while before Chanyeol returned to strumming a few different chords to his guitar again.

“Soo, can I ask you something?”

“yes?”

“Are you in pain, trying to forget someone?”

He shots a surprised glance at his friend, clearly shocked at the question.

“what makes you think that?”

The prince looked kind of bothered, taking in his response.

_'does he know something?'_

“No, its just that… don’t take this the wrong way, but I see you trying to busy and overload yourself too much. And when there are some things you see like sunflowers or bears, you have this expression that tells me you are bothered. Please, tell me whats wrong. Don’t keep it to yourself. I am worried for you.”

He doesn’t know how to respond to his words, considering he is baffled about everything himself. He cannot even describe how he feels like nor have the courage to tell anyone of his feelings. Of how despite the effort to forget, he remembers his high school love quite vividly. Even after all these years, he hasn’t moved on. Probably wont, never will.

“I don’t know. Yes, I'm trying to forget someone. But all I wanna do is to actually move on and forget. I may not avoid all the things that are associated to him and it pains me not gonna lie but all I want is to forget.” He confesses, also trying to make sense of what he really wants, what he has to do with all of these overwhelming unresolved feelings.

“I’ll help you feel better. You don’t have to tell it all to me. Just know I'm here for you. Whenever.”

The taller told him, sounding so sincere while looking deeply in his eyes. He feels so at ease and relieved by the words, knowing he has someone that will be with him. Who will help him. Chanyeol doesn’t know the exact situation or anything about Jongin but he appreciates the presence and understanding he gives him.

“and with that I am gonna play a song I am practicing with these days.”

Chanyeol played a song once more, this time with enthusiasm and grace. Kyungsoo watches, trying to soak in the calming familiar tune.

_What day is it? And in what month?_

_This clock never seemed so alive_

_  
I can't keep up and I can't back down_

_  
I've been losing so much time_

Kyungsoo listens as he recognizes the song, humming along. He looks at Chanyeol’s hands whom expertly moved his fingers from chord to chord with ease. Suddenly he felt eyes on him, looking at the taller too, connecting their gazes.

_'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do_

_  
Nothing to lose_

_  
And it's you and me and all of the people_

_  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you_

Weird knots in his stomach appeared out of nowhere and those that he doesn’t understand, thus, turning his attention away from Chanyeol’s eyes. He decided to focus on drinking his ade, trying to appreciate his friend’s deep, calming voice.

Weird knots.

_‘is it normal to feel this way?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter:
> 
> You and Me - Lighthouse  
> I'll be - Edwin Mccain


	4. Perfect Strangers

_‘Hey, love. Stop looking like a lovesick, whipped puppy and pay attention. Listen to my singing.’_

_Kyungsoo stopped what he was doing, which was arranging the bowls and small plates that they recently used to eat their lunches, with the picnic vibe lunch date they planned for today. He looked at the other’s direction, seeing the younger looking at him, deeply._

_Sparkling, hazel eyes looked at his own, radiating warmth. Its always those dazzling and mesmerizing eyes that captivates him to feel stronger, to fall deeper. To fall in love more at the amazing person in front of him._

_He smiles, totally smitten by how the boy’s lips move. He watches as he moves his mouth in front of him, trying to say something that he doesn’t quite understand. Yes he is entranced, busy admiring the taller. Busy falling in love for the millionth time with the same sun-kissed boy._

_The younger just smiled sweetly back at him, encircling his hands around him. He envelopes Kyungsoo in an embrace, guiding his head closer to him, giving him a deep forehead kiss._

_He beamed at him, feeling very happy and grateful at how the other just easily coaxes the flutters in his stomach. Its always the same strong overwhelming feeling, every time. He is always engulfed in this strong feeling of love. The same kind of love but then it always catches him off guard at how it just deepens more, blooms in a similar yet different intensity every time he is with him. He is at awe at the way Jongin just makes him feel all these same weird and delightful feelings in his heart. Emotions that he cannot even fully fathom and label himself, but all he knows it moves him, everytime. Deeply, fiercely._

_‘Listen babe.’ Jongin whispers. He then rests his head on the taller’s shoulder, while they both then intertwined their hands._

_I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips_

_Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_

_I'll be your cryin' shoulder_

_I'll be love suicide_

_He listens to him sweetly singing, softly yet clearly above him. He basks in the feeling, the moment where he is reminded yet again, as he looks at both of their interwoven fingers, that they perfectly fit each other._

_Everything about his lover just screams happiness. Kyungsoo has never felt so happy just listening to a young boy humming, singing for him. He doesn’t fancy songs too much, but when its Jongin, he just wants to encapsulate everything about him. To put everything in a jar, like how he wants right now to put his voice in a jar to always revisit, to always remember. To always hear every time._

_I'll be better when I'm older_

_I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

_Its always the same song, yet the meaning furthers every time he sings it._

_‘Yes. I will always be with you, forever. Like you are to me.’_

Kyungsoo wakes up and sees that he has slept on his desk yet again, in the middle of his work. He sighs, remembering how its another bittersweet dream yet again of him and Jongin. He thought he will not dream of him ever again, as he was pretty confident that he is not thinking much of him, nor remembering him this past month.

Ever since he decided to let go, everything was lighter for him. He sleeps better despite the overload of royal training, school and duties to attend to. He can now focus in developing himself, honing his decision-making skills and sip his afternoon tea without the bugging feeling in his chest.

He has been peaceful; he can say that at least. The feelings he has, the anxiety and the doubts, the constant longing, countless questions and toxic thoughts his past relationship has brought to him was a lot and it was very distracting, if he were to be honest. Like yes, he hates being a royal, but then what is he to do? He is bound here all his life, and after all Jongin just left him, presumably for the same reason. So why not dedicate his life into it? If he were to live and continue life, at least why not not get so hung up at what happened and just live life on how it is instead?

He thinks this is the best way to alleviate all the pain. And he was successful, not until just a few hours ago.

_‘Why did I have to remember you yet again? Quit it already. Let me be.’_

He internally whines at the Jongin in his dream. He gets annoyed how it’s the version of Jongin his heart finds happiness in, that he cannot even bring himself think of harsher words to at least confront him, even if it were only in the figment of his imagination. The way after all these years of being left to make sense of what happened on his own, to be left mid-air suspended without explanations, he cannot even still bring himself to hate the man. Heck, maybe it is still painful because despite trying to forget, he is ingrained in his system.

He looks at his right hand in the night light, remembering the feeling of Jongin’s hands. Quite vividly. The warmth, the love, the affection, the whole memory.

* * *

Feeling his heart beat so loud, for the third time, he dials Kyungsoo’s number. ‘Hey, Soo. Where are you?’

‘I’m on the way to school. In a few, I’ll be there I think. Why?’

‘Oh. Nothing, just wanting to ask if you have brought our politics reading report?’

‘Ye—Yes. Yes, I did.’ The speaker on the phone seemed to have stammered a bit, then laughs. ‘Why Channie? I wouldn’t forget it. You're worried I’d forget it?’

‘Oh, no. Actually I don’t know why I am calling you for it. Ha ha. Don’t worry, I’m not being bossy. Just making sure.’

‘Right…. What you're doing now is definitely the definition of impatient. You reminded me more than three times yesterday. Relax, I’ll get it in time Prince Chanyeol. Just wait for me at school.’

He laughs at his reply. Yes, he had called and texted Kyungsoo countless times yesterday, just trying to talk to him. He doesn’t know what’s going on in his head exactly, but all he knows is that its been long. Well, granted its just a weekend of him not being able to visit the younger, but then does that really matter? He just misses the cutie and yes it is what it is. He is whipped.

‘Yes, yes. Hurry up.’

‘Yeah, yeah, Mr. Bossy. Bye.’ Kyungsoo sassily and abruptly ended the phone call, which made Chanyeol just smile.

He is still the same prince he has fallen for. And more than willing to fall for, over and over again.

-xxxxxx-

Chanyeol sits at his usual place in the class, on the fourth row near the right window of the back of their room. He sits where Kyungsoo will be sitting at later, which was in the middle, at the left of his seat, next to him.

He opens his big school envelope, opening some of the handouts and readings for their inter-kingdom politics class. He glances at them and skims through them for the nth time, to be ready for the approaching class.

“Here, Your royal bossy highness. I have brought the papers you have been so impatiently aching for the past weekend.” He looks up at Kyungsoo, whom just set the folder of their report quite harshly on his desk, right in front of him.

“Yah. I’m not bossy. I am not impatient either. I would never be so into you if I were impatient as you deem me to.” He huffs kiddingly while trying to open the report’s folder.

“Wait,… what did you say?” the younger asks him with wide eyes. He then realizes he had said what he was thinking, out loud. _‘Oh no.’_

“I meant, for a prince like you who is mostly just silent, timid, sarcastic and even cold most of the time, I'm quite patient to befriend you. Give me my due credit for it, Soo.” He teased the younger, who only pinched his left arm.

“Gosh, geez. Lighten up, Soo. I'm just kidding.” He beams at the younger, who also beamed back sweetly. _‘That’s more like it.’_

“Smile more.”

“What?”

“I said smile more. Smiling looks good on you.” He said, sneaking in a friendly wink. Its only a wink that he can manage without revealing much of what he really means.

Its gone silent. He looks at the younger, who just continued to smile sweetly, while setting his own things on his desk.

_‘Yes. Just smile sweetly, for me.’_

* * *

Eight in the morning. He looks at his wrist watch.

_‘Just in time for the first class.’_

He has been following his new professor for a good minute, from the moment he was brought into the Regalis University’s office, for an introduction of a sort. He doesn’t know what was the necessity for such thing, him being introduced to a few of their professors. But its rules and duties. Yes, the “normalcy” of being a damn royal.

They then arrived at the room, in front of a door which would’ve seemed to be the room where he will be training in for a good five years. Yes, still royal duties. You go to regular school in your own hometown up until college, in which what most in their region do and proceed to another special university in the middle of the kingdom, just to ‘train’ them specifically as royals. He doesn’t know what for, as he is only the second and the last child of the Pacificae kingdom. _‘Not a line to the throne. Definitely, just irritatingly unnecessary.’_

‘………….Prince Oh Sehun. Your Highness?”

He hears the professor, coaxing him to come inside the room and probably introduce himself. Yes, the newbie that he is, he has to needlessly introduce himself. Which is weird for him, since most are royal children here right? Why the need to introduce him, when they probably know him? Most of them, that is.

“Hello everyone. I am Prince Oh Sehun. I am from the West of the main kingdoms in Regalis Region, the Pacificae. Nice to meet you all.”

Expectant faces of princesses looked at him. He knows he is a charming and handsome prince to begin with but he definitely doesn’t like the spotlight that much, especially right now that he just wants this day to be over with.

“Your Highness, why don’t you sit on that empty chair on the fourth row.”

“Thank you.”

He proceeds to his designated seat, and then tried to get some of his things out for the first lecture. But as soon as he finishes doing so, he feels eyes everywhere. He feels the whole room is just whispering about him, most particularly the eyes on the right side of his seat.

He looks at the round sparkly eyes looking at him, and when he does the other looked down immediately at his desk, seemingly quite abashed being caught staring.

“What is it?” he asked the person beside him, which then turned to him with a confused expression.

“I don’t know, you stared at me, as if you wanted to ask something?” he answered the stout boys’ asking eyes.

“No, don’t misunderstood it, Prince Oh. I don’t know, I just didn’t expect the West to send in their heir in the university.”

_‘Ah, of course that’s what they will think about.’_ His kingdom, the West, the one near the peaceful ocean waters in the main kingdom chain of the big region, have not sent in any of their royal line in the university for years to train. Let alone their kingdom is quite hesitant to just negotiate easily even if the whole region and all the kingdoms in Regalis have been in communal agreement of peace. Its just that their kingdom was not so keen in keeping many close ties. Well, if they were to ask him, its cause their kingdom can quite stand on its own and very traditional and had always been that way in years. Their negotiations with any other territory would mostly be for exceptional cases, where the need to outweigh the costs with the benefits would be more than necessary.

“Of course, I am the first one in years. Is there any problem with that?” he answered, quite coldly and he knows it is. He is just tired of all these nosiness, early morning.

“Ah, sorry if I have seemingly interrogated you. I was just curious, no harm intended, like you probably defensively assumed.” The other snapped back at him, quite sarcastically, which only made him scoffed and regretted being here more.

_‘Well, so much for this bullshit first day.’_

-xxxxxx-

Sehun walked and scanned the open space, trying to find any place in the university where he can just be alone in peace. All the morning classes are already done, and he has been itching to be alone for hours. At least he can have some at lunch.

He continues to look for a peaceful place, something that is hidden in sight but can be easily ran to whenever he pleases. He then spots a patio in the edge of the university garden, which was filled with camelia japonica shrubs and flowers with thick green vines intertwined in both the walls and the top of its roof. The greenery covers the patio’s sides like a thick green wall which makes the whole thing more hidden, other than it is faced backwards at the open, wide field. It has a wooden bench and a table, just the perfect thing for him to be alone.

He sits on the bench and takes out his earphones, which then automatically plays a song in his ears. If he is to drown out the thought of pathetic, weird princesses that he knows were following him while finding a space to be in, then music should at least do it. He knows he had confused them a while ago, but he just cannot help being irritated at the thought of people following and looking at his every footstep.

He then hears a laugh, which seems to have come from the back of the patio. Someone must’ve passed by talking to someone he deems familiar.

He peeks at the little holes in between the vines and the thin wall of shrubs at the back, trying to see who is laughing. Surprised to see who it is, he sees the stout fair guy from earlier. The one which was his seatmate earlier, with the taller red head guy on the other side of their row. The two are laughing about something he doesn’t know.

He continues to watch the scene, unconsciously focusing on the shorter guy, who was setting up some Tupper wares with fruits. _‘They must be very good best friends… or probably lovers, for who knows what.’_

Without knowing, he continues to watch the two especially the younger one, and wonders who he might be. He is quite interested which royal the guy is and in what kingdom line is he from. Aside from such thoughts, not really knowing what exactly the deal with the same boy is, he feels strange looking at the pair and just decided to stop peeking.

_Maybe we're perfect strangers_

_Maybe it's not forever_

_Maybe the night will change us_

_Maybe we'll stay together_

Grounded back to the present by the song playing on his earphones, he stands up to walk out the patio.

_‘Maybe I need to grab some lunch.’_

* * *

Kyungsoo has been up doing the papers and readings again for hours. Tired, he decided that maybe he should stop by twelve am and get some sleep.

He gets up and takes the documents that he already summarized for the past hours, thinking of passing the summaries to his father’s office. He walks to the nearest door and knocks.

“Father.”

“Yes, come in”

He comes in and puts the documents on the side of the big table.

“Here are the documents I have finished reading, father. They are also summarized already. I have clipped in for each document its summary.”

“Thank you, son.”

“I’m going to head out and sleep.”

He says as he walks to head back. But just as he opens the door again to leave, he sees the front cover of one of the moderately thick pile of documents near the door.

Blurry. Words. He sees some of the words from the blurry image of the cover, in what his eyes without glasses can make out.

_Arrange Marriage Proposal._

_Prince Do Kyungsoo._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song in the Chapter:
> 
> Perfect Strangers - Jonas Blue


	5. Annoyance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. I have been busy lately, studying for my exams hihi but here is the update ^^ I'll be trying to update more as soon as I get free time. Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> WARNING:  
> a bit of swearing in this chapter.

Lying on his bed and biting his nails. Trying to think of a way to escape or even at least delay the thing he saw a few hours ago.

Kyungsoo stares at the ceiling while on the loop of biting and thinking for the whole night, thinking about the words that play the same mental image in his head. Very anxious at what it means for him and in the next years of his life. He kept biting his already chopped uneven nails, feeling everything and nothing all at once. Vague thoughts and feelings surrounded his being, bothering him, borderline paralyzing his thought process.

How did it get as near and as close as it is now? Being quite young, he thought such things will have the less probability of being brought up, as he is quite sure nothing is off in the neighboring kingdoms and theirs. No ties are being shaky nor anything that is significant to negotiate, as of the moment at least, that's enough for him to be considered in the lottery of people to be married off. He knows he will do something out of duty one way or another, but he didn’t think it will really happen to him this fast, this early. Yes, maybe he will be eventually married off, but not this soon. If he must marry through duty, he thought it would be years before it actually happens, enough for him to find a way to convince his father to not consider him or put him out of such option. He isn’t even half of his first year in royal academy and he must be married already?

Is there something he is not quite catching on? Or missing out? Is there a factor he didn’t even noticed that warranted him being betrothed to someone for political purposes? Isn’t Do Hyunji still available for this matter? Not that he wants to pass such burden and horrible situation to his own siblings, but to think his older brother – the one who was actually in line to the throne – is still single as a prick and no first-line heirs are produced yet, then why does it have to be him first? It even is too early to even consider his older brother, given that the crown hasn’t been passed yet to him.

Then why does it seem that he is considered first for such matter? Wouldn’t be the most logical thing to do is ensure they have direct Do heirs from the first born and then carry out the two other siblings later?

Furrowing his brows in confusion and agitation, he sat up and then decided to turn off his lights to sleep. Returning to his bed, only to stare at the ceiling yet again, he tried to think again of options on how he will deal with such thing. What will he do? It’s still just a proposal, right?

‘ _I suppose if it is a proposal still….’_ Maybe it is only not him, he muses. Maybe his two older siblings have theirs too, just sitting idly in those pile of documents, waiting to be reviewed and considered – preferably first than his own. Huffing and bringing both his hands on his face, covering them in frustration, he decided that he should just sleep, and probably he will figure out a good strategy to get out such thing, first thing in the morning.

* * *

Traditions. Rules. Orderliness. Said to lead to peace and quietness. But for him, it’s just over all fake tranquility. If ever you could actually fake being peaceful.

He scrambles for a decent set of clothes in his closet room. He settled for a black, plain rugby polo shirt and a set of dark blue formal pants. He puts them on, with head empty of thoughts. He looks at the mirror, noting that the pair of those clothes looks good on him. He then finished his prep up to eventually go downstairs and have breakfast.

Sehun occupies his seat in the table. Not that the dining table is crowded or filled with people, but he chooses the same seat each time he eats. He eats alone for most part, since it is only on rare occasions would they have to gather as a “family” and eat together. When these rare things happen, they are mostly for kingdom planning purposes. It’s all duties, talking about their kingdom. It’s all traditions to upheld, things to do as a royal; mostly the King reminding them about what they had to do.

Him and his older brother are the only heirs of the King Oh, with the latter being the line in throne. Not Sehun, as he is only a person who’s going to be responsible for any other royal business that he deems not pleasant. Situations that are side kick like. No, he deems his position more of a damage control. Sacrificial pawn to be exact. He feels that way ever since he was a kid anyway. Just some spare person who they can use whenever the need comes up.

He digs into his breakfast quite quickly and aggressively, not being afraid for once in an ordinary day to break composure and just do things like a normal person. No one to bother you if you are eating too fast or using your utensils in a weird way while eating. He hates how he must adhere to the conservative and rigidity that his family is. Sure, he understands how rules are important, but how is it so important to the point of making it as the whole being of a family? Heck let alone a kingdom. He thinks the way those up in the throne, his parents, are quite stifling. He is stifled; he doesn’t think the citizens of their country wouldn’t find it the same.

Having finished his breakfast, he sits up and heads outside to where the servants are guiding him; to where his car is already parked. Sitting inside the car while its driving for the usual two-hour travel time, he stares at the window and focuses on merely nothing. Oblivion, just nothing in his own head, as it generally is. He doesn’t have to think to much anyways, as his life is to only be maneuvered and moved by someone else’s. He has long accepted that maybe he doesn’t own himself, let alone his whole life, as he must only adhere what needs to be done. He has a whole instruction code for everything that the other royals want him to do; there’s always rules, he doesn’t have to think. Just to follow everything, and not screw up.

-xxxxxx-

Sitting at his designated seat in the room, Sehun arranges his notes on his desk. Drowning out the weird hushes and whispers from the pathetic girls in the front of his row, he decides to stare out the left window for a long time and act apathetic towards what is happening in the classroom. _‘When will the professor show up?’_ he thought with an irritated huff.

Something suddenly moved on his right, someone walking to their seat. The nameless petite guy – the one he is seatmates with – is arriving with the same nameless red-haired giant; both talking to each other. The Ignis prince – a guess he made based on the vibe the guy gave and notably the hair – is talking animatedly to the other, who is just seemingly out of it and quite gloomy in mood. _‘How does he not see that the person is not paying attention at all…’_ he internally groaned all while being amused, observing the setup. At the same time, he pretends that he isn’t minding them. Sporting the usual poker face and soul-less eyes, he then decides to shrug it off.

Hours into the classes, they’re finally doing their last period for the day. It was politics, and there is a proposal for a case analysis to be presented at the end of their year. Sehun is sitting on the same seat that is moved, facing another chair from his right side. Right, he is assigned to be in duo with the nameless, wide-eyed seatmate.

They were given thirty minutes to brainstorm to plan out their project, but no single word has transpired yet into a conversation. Its just five minutes worth of silence between them. _‘How am I supposed to work with this person? Does he know how to talk and do teamwork? Isn’t he a royal who’s good in social skills or something?’_ he whined impatiently, while looking hardly at the face of the person in front of him, who is just staring thoughtlessly at a blank paper in his desk.

“Do you know how to communicate or something or are we gonna request the professor to change partners?” he said finally, quite annoyed at how he is the first to break the silence over such a boring arrangement.

The boy finally looked at him, quite alarmed. “No, I have no problems with being partners with you. I am sorry, I am pretty distracted.”

Sehun scoffed, quite annoyed at how the other just excuse himself for something so unreasonable. He is a royal, he is supposed to be good in composing himself, regardless of circumstance. _‘such a flimsy excuse.’_

“That’s not an excuse. You’re a royal, right? I suppose you can handle your own pressures. How does that excuse not being able to work for minutes now, not saying anything, wasting my time?” he sarcastically remarked, with an exasperated expression on his face.

This hardened the other’s expression. _‘Good. So annoying would make him work or do something.’_

“If you’re trying to annoy me, not now. I may not counter you right now, but you don’t wanna mess with me.”

“Oh yeah? What would you do? Who are you anyway?” He taunted in response.

“Doesn’t matter. Are you a royal or you don’t know basic research? Maybe you haven’t been thought how to be one and to know who’s who. Lame.” The other answered flatly, clearly messing up with him too. So, this is how it goes.

“What the fuck is your problem? Let’s just get this thing done, if you don’t wanna exchange partners with anybody.” Sehun defeatedly answered, just to get things over with.

They, finally, objectively and professionally discussed who does who. They both agreed to do the reading, create their own analysis and exchange, compare their works and consolidate them into one final body. Sounded great, less stress of meeting up. He doesn’t fancy meeting up outside school with this guy. He looks like a weirdo anyways. He is supposed to be royal, but then he is a pain in the ass.

“I will do the final consolidation of the work and you do the presentation. That’s all for today, I guess.” His partner stands up to leave, as it is also time for dismissal.

Something was not addressed. How are they supposed to contact each other and send emails for the said project? Should he ask this anonymous partner his number and email? Or maybe they’re supposed to do it in school.

But he resolves for the former.

“Hey.” The person paused stuffing his things inside his bag.

“How do we do this though? Are we going to do it only in school and not gonna exchange our drafts through emails or any contact?”

He fully faced him, with a weird unreadable expression written on his face.

“oh, so you actually want us to work outside of school. Wouldn’t we just disagree with each other, because I don’t think you’re keen on working with me at this, though.” the other mused.

“I am a refined royal. I can work with people who are a pain and I don’t like.” He snapped at the other, while grabbing a paper and writing down his email and number. After which, he shoved it to him.

“That’s my email and number. Contact me so I can have yours too, for the exchanging of analyses or something.” He then grabbed his things and walked quickly to leave the irritating royal. He could use some space cause the whole thing is so draining. He doesn’t need any fake pleasantries with anyone. It is the same as dealing with annoying, slow and entitled people. Maybe he should’ve insisted he cannot work with that person. But they’re partners now, so he would just do his own thing and see how it goes.

* * *

_‘Annoying, self-entitled. God, a brat.’_ Kyungsoo annoyingly thought, as he stared at the paper on his hand and walked towards the car waiting for him. His partner for that politics case analysis is such a demanding and inconsiderate person. Like why didn’t he asked to exchange partners with another group in the first place? He should’ve just worked with Chanyeol, cause the whole thing would’ve been easier. Cause he feels like the Pacificae prince would just annoy and insult him to bits and he worries that they would only produce a sub-par project by the end of this hell partnership.

Yes, he must’ve spaced out too much cause the whole day is just taxing to him and his anxiety-filled brain, but there’s no excuse to treat anyone like that. If that person is going to be that annoying the whole year, it would sure just get them nowhere. He would do it alone, then. He prefers individual assignment anyways. He can oversee it better and work it around his schedule than an additional bratty baggage to deal with.

-xxxxxx-

Kyungsoo stretches his hands up, feeling very tired after finishing another round of document reading and synthesizing. Its midnight, the usual time he finishes this royal stuff. He stands up like he usually does to deliver the finished summaries and documents to his father’s study.

Suddenly feeling hyper-aware that he will or will not probably see the same pile of documents he anxiously avoids remembering, he knocks and is let in immediately. He sets the pile on his spare desk, as usual and gathers the strength to turn around and pass by the same pile where the blurry words were seen. Instead, he looks at his father who is intensely focused at the document he is holding, with furrowed eyebrows. Unconsciously pursing his lips, he is working up on whether he is supposed to say something.

“Father.”

“Yes?” his father answers him, still focused on the same document he was reading.

“I was wondering I…if there are …. weird things or tensions happening within the region.” He hesitantly asked him, hoping to know on whether there are factors needed to be considered in kingdom ties building.

The king finally looked at him, through his reading glasses. Puzzled.

“Why?”

“I was just wondering.”

There came an awkward silence that seemed to last a few good minutes, with his dad just busily eyeing the document he set on the desk under the direct light of the reading lamp.

“Well, nothing really that you should be concerned …. or worried of. I’ll tell you when there is. But me and Hyun will take care of that matter, if there is.” His father finally replied after, with a monotonous voice, still fixated on the same paper he is looking at for hours.

He then proceeds to turn back and head for the door to leave, determined to just leave things. Maybe he should just wait and let things be, whatever he must do. He shouldn’t stress out about it, as at least he knows he was not destined nor planned to marry anyone from childhood. He knows his parents never made an existing deal during his younger days, none that he knows of. So, he is definitely not fixed to be wed to a single chosen person. This gave him a bit of assurance that at least he would have a leeway to plan things out before they happen.

Tired, he propped himself up, leaning against his bed’s headboard, while scanning through his emails and messages. He types the email he was planning to, the one the bratty prince gave, just to give the other a heads up on his address. Done typing, he decides to just send the e-journals he found useful while scanning for external resources that could help them a few hours ago.

After sending the email, he dials the number on his phone. He pauses, fixating his eyes on the complete set of numbers on the dial pad. Thinking about nothing, he feels that nagging pit of weird that started when he typed out the email address. He tries to ignore it and settles to save the said number and scrambling to send a message instead. As to why he is weirded out, he doesn’t know, and he cannot pinpoint from where it is stemming from. He starts to type out words but then deletes them. Types, deletes, pauses. Repeating the same cycle of steps more than thrice.

‘ _Why am I going to be anxious with a mere bratty prince? He is just a classmate, nothing major.’_ He succeeds typing continuously a coherent message and sends it immediately.

**“Hi. This is Prince Kyungsoo from Magnus Borealis. Just to let you know I sent a bunch of e-journals to you via email that could help us aside from the provided sources. Thank you.”**

He plops himself fully on his bed getting ready to sleep. Suddenly his phone dinged.

**“Yeah, sure.”**

_‘That’s it? No thank you’s? I swear the freaking god he is such an annoying…’_ Kyungsoo huffs loudly at how irritatingly arrogant the other person is. He decides to just sleep and call it a day.

* * *

‘Kyungsoo…. Magnus….’

He fiddles with the chat box, scrolling it mindlessly up and down repeatedly. Sehun walks towards his bed and aggressively fells down on it. Letting his mind wander while staring at the ceiling.

“Kyungsoo.” He rolls his tongue at the name, feeling it on his lips.

‘So that’s his name, and he is from that kingdom? I suppose he is the important person they were talking about then.’


	6. Chasing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me quite a longer time to write. But nevertheless, here it is ^^ hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for everyone reading. Tell me what you think hihi

He stopped annotating the first journal on his laptop to rest; then looked at the other person sitting at the front of his chair. _‘So focused.’_ He observes, as the other has his eyebrows scrunched at his own laptop.

Kyungsoo is typing something while wearing the same serious and focused expression. In all black, a plain polo shirt and black pants. Sehun notes that he seems to fancy black a lot and loves everything that’s black. Black glasses, black laptop, black outfits almost every day. Even in beverage he prefers drinks that are either black coffee or tea; always in hand in the morning and afternoon respectively. Looking at him now, with a mug in hand, moving to drink while still focused on his laptop, he is wearing that specific constant expression Sehun sees in him every day. The same type of rehearsed, unreadable mask. Something he knows himself too well.

They’re on politics class again but this time the time is allotted for their case analysis with their partners. Sehun just finished reading the main material for the third time. He is now taking down notes while reading one of the journals Kyungsoo sent him. It was tedious work and needs a lot of examination and critical thinking, but he believes they’d both be able to produce a good solution to the political problem presented in the case. They just need to work out their reasons and present their alternatives well.

He looks at his laptop mindlessly and diverted his attention back to Kyungsoo, who is still as focused and unmoved as ever, despite the state their room is in. How does the other tune out all the weird noises and people around them both? He doesn’t know how he does it – just effectively tuning noise out – but he genuinely can’t seem to be even bothered at how there are princesses who glance at the Borealian prince ever so often. He doesn’t notice how people regard for him, on that matter as he seems to be as oblivious as it gets. Or that he is probably and convincingly clueless that the Ignis prince is crushing on him hard.

Sehun knows he is very much hyper aware, too observant for his own good. But he can’t help but be amazed at how dense the person is; smart but oblivious to certain things. He decides to go back to the task at hand and therefore, he starts typing again.

_‘Maybe he is just that air headed, couldn’t be me. It would suck because he probably won’t be able to read intentions of other people that well, then. Glad I’m not as clueless as him…But who knows, maybe he is also faking it.’_

He shrugged and continued annotating the long journal. He couldn’t be so bothered for the other. Knowing how politics and usual royalties work, its all fake pleasantry. You think you know the other camp, but instead you’d find yourself fooled by their actions. They all don’t let on much of what they know. Hidden agenda, self-interests. Always with an interest in mind for every interaction, much more transaction. Even so far to their own friendships. Building friends is highly political too. He knows. He is too observant to not know.

“Hey. Just sent the summary I did for the first journal…thought it might help.”

Kyungsoo looked at him, nonchalantly. “Okay. Please take care of the next one. I am trying to read other references too. See if you can connect some of the journals.”

Sehun nods; Kyungsoo goes back to facing his laptop.

_‘Too professional. Is this the important person I am supposed to deal with?’_

-xxxxxx-

“Soo.”

Someone calls out and Sehun instinctively looked at the direction of the sound as well. It’s the red-haired guy, Chanyeol – based on what Sehun heard from a few hours back, from what people mostly regard the person upon calling.

Kyungsoo looks at the guy, eyes too soft.

Too soft for Sehun’s opinion.

The Chanyeol guy whispers something to Kyungsoo’s ear, while looking at him, quite strangely. Rather aggressively. Threatening. This makes his eyebrows raise, in question but mostly in annoyance.

Kyungsoo might not have seen it but Sehun sees it so clearly, and it stirs up something quite weird in him. He is indeed annoyed, just what this Chanyeol shit of a guy’s problem is. If he wants to have his partner and wants to exchange, why not tell him straight to the point? What’s the need for those passive aggressive-like glances, as if Sehun is that clueless to not see it?

So, he returns an aggressive look back, both of them looking at the eye of the other, squarely. Strongly.

He ain’t gonna lose this, whatever this is. He just knows.

* * *

Chanyeol came along with him, on the way home. It’s Friday; means there’s free time tomorrow, in which his buddy uses to spend time with him. Apparently, he thinks they aren’t spending time much together, quality time. Yes, they don’t, since Chanyeol has been very busy with his own kingdom duties; as line to the throne and only son, his friend has a lot on his plate. Not that Kyungsoo minds and in fact, he has been pretty much out of it the whole week himself. He was so busy being anxious on when his life would change so abruptly that he hadn’t even felt the week pass by. It went all blurry. He just focused on over working himself as usual and repressing non urgent matters such as his anxieties and emotions. It doesn’t help him keep going and staying sane; doesn’t help in productivity and producing good decisions if he were gonna dwell on these things. He knows pushing it down doesn’t help alleviate his overall mood and coping either, but he would rather go with the flow and be numb than feel everything quite deeply. Like the paralyzing feelings he had when Jongin went away.

He doesn’t wanna go back to that sinking feeling. So, he would rather live mechanically, if it means being numb and just keep working and distracting himself. Yes, this marriage lottery for him is a big thing. He wants the deadline to extend; much more eradicate it from his life.

So, he has a fault to a degree on this abrupt sleep over plan, as Chanyeol has always been by his side every time at school; he is just not paying attention, as much as he likes to.

With that, he agrees, when Chanyeol asked to have some sort of friends’ night. In their palace. He thinks he owes his friend that, being disengaged and all. This also got Kyungsoo amused, since apparently his father was asked already, and it was approved rather quickly. He wonders just how deep his father’s trust on the Ignis royals are, that in just a snap, he agrees. Well, he always knew their families are close, but he never realized how they’ve become an exception to his calculative father, regarding which royals can come in their own place.

* * *

Setting up the telescope he brought for them to use, Chanyeol glances at Kyungsoo coming in, bringing them fruits, dips, wine and even junk foods. He planned a star gazing slash sleep over night for them both, as he feels like his best friend is not himself lately. Kyungsoo has been quite distant; as both have been busier these days. He admits he has tons of palace stuff to do cause his father has been insistent on him taking more tasks to ease him to the throne’s responsibilities. This barred him from coming to the Do’s palace like he always does and promised would do, at weekends. The other had been quite busy as well, he notes; but then he thinks its still more of consciously overworking to cope with something. Even if they had been away from each other physically for years, he just knows that Kyungsoo will still do the exact same numbing he does when he is hurt or anxious. He disengages himself with everything and just overly engross himself on things to cope with anything that’s bothering him.

Thus, he thinks he should give Kyungsoo an opportunity to loosen up and not drown himself unknowingly; with all the problems he suppresses, whatever they are. He is more than willing to spend more time and travel away from his responsibilities at home, if it were to sneak in comfort to his best friend. He promised he will pursue and make the other loved, in any best way he could do, didn’t he?

“Its all set up!” he exclaimed enthusiastically. He finally adjusted the power of the eyepiece and navigated through the skies with the telescope gently, before setting it on a spot facing the moon.

“Never thought you’re into astronomy.” Kyungsoo quipped, as he popped a berry into his mouth. Then, he sat beside Chanyeol, on the mats they set up at the balcony of Kyungsoo’s room.

They went silent for a while, both gazing at the stars while eating their share of the snacks.

“It’s a long time hobby of mine.” He smiled to Kyungsoo, who he finds busy gazing at the stars. “Do you know any stars in the night skies?”

“Well, not much. Just a few constellations. Like that Orion constellation right there.” He turned to where the other pointed at, and he set his telescope directly at it. “Take a closer look at it.”

“I know you’ll be able to see it in the visible eye, but the telescope enhances the experience. Plus, you can set them into finding the clusters you’d want to see.”

Chanyeol guided Kyungsoo in all the stars and clusters that he knows, pointing at them and letting his best friend use the telescope. They talked and talked for hours about his hobby and it feels so refreshing, to share these things with him.

It’s a big thing for Chanyeol, his hobby for the stars as it’s a hidden interest of his. He would glance and stare at the night sky when he was little. When he wants to study them, to make a map about them, to familiarize himself with the sparkling bodies in the sky. To make him feel like he was in touch of something he dreamt of ever since, of something bigger; to make him feel like an astronomer or astrophysicist, as if on an alternate universe. Where he was not a royal. He dreamt of being in such field and it makes him happy delving on it as a hobby. Most as a pastime, a thing that makes him feel better when he is down and lonely.

An antidote to boredom. Combating his loneliness and makes him euphoric even once in his boring, life-less being.

He is intentionally sharing it with Kyungsoo, in hopes of making him distracted from the loneliness too, that he sees in him. In the same way it has given him the comfort all throughout his life so far. At least he can try to make him feel better.

Its also him trying to bare himself to his friend. He doesn’t know for what exactly but all he knows is he wants Kyungsoo to know him, as him. Fully.

“In relation to that Orion belt, did you know the story about Orion and that Pleiades cluster?” he moves the telescope again while Kyungsoo is using it, to make him see the specific star group.

“If I remembered it right, Orion is the hunter that fell in love with the seven sisters – which is represented by that group of stars. He chased them for 12 years. Zeus took the sisters and hanged them up across the sky, turned them to stars. Making Orion continue on chasing the said sisters.”

“He can keep chasing them forever but can’t ever reach them.”

It fell silent for a while, with both of them staring at the same cluster. It’s a comfortable silence. Something they have been having ever since they had been friends. But there is a tinge of difference in it. For Chanyeol. He doesn’t know for Kyungsoo, but it means a lot for him.

The story. The chasing. Years of yearning; years of chasing. Him being like the hunter, falling in love for someone so near yet so far. He silently chases, and is still chasing; probably to forever, not that he has put past it, just like the story. Yes, he can probably chase him forever, even if they’re at proximity just like the Pleiades. But then would he want to just chase, much more silently, forever?

He looks at Kyungsoo, with wide eyes, sparkling with amazement at the sky. He knows how to read his best friend’s eyes, and he knows himself that the other doesn’t see them the way he sees it.

He reaches for the unopened bottle of wine, takes the cork opener. Opens it. Pours for them both and gulping two glasses already of the said liquid.

“Woah, slow down.” Kyungsoo laughs at him. “That’s alcoholic. I haven’t found the non-alcoholic ones in the kitchen. They haven’t restocked on it, probably.”

“So, if you don’t wanna get drunk, or trying to not get drunk too fast. Take it slow.” Kyungsoo smirked at him while taking his own wine glass to his mouth and sipping.

He continues to pour for them. They settled back in the silence. Observing. Eating a grape, drinking again. Kyungsoo continues to sip; he, on the other hand, continues to gulp two at a time. Not that he cares much about being drunk too fast; the light weight he is. Not that he minds anyway. He would rather get drunk; at least for a bit, in the middle of this sickening stupor of his. He is as good as drunk right now; thinking about him and Kyungsoo.

The silence drags on. For how long, he doesn’t really know. Except he is getting more lightheaded than he did a few minutes ago. Adrenaline rushed at the same time feeling drugged in his predicament.

_‘At least this wine is good. All good.’_

“Kyungsoo, what’s bothering you lately?” he dared asking. For answers, for anything he can decipher at least. For any reason to let go. To try to let go and ignore his feelings altogether. Or something to desperately hold on to, again.

“I mean the real stuff. Real, honest reason behind your overworking lately.”

Kyungsoo looked at him with soft melancholic eyes. Something that wrenches his gut quite harshly especially with the alcohol in his system.

He waits for a response, as the receiver glanced at the expanse of the balcony. Eyes fixated somewhere in the darkness of the gardens that’s supposed to be in that view in front of them.

“I had someone I’m trying to get over…as you already know.”

Chanyeol notices that he stutters and is at a hesitant, debating tension; trying to get his words out. He decides to come closer and soothe Kyungsoo’s back; implicitly telling him to go on. That its okay, he is here to listen wholeheartedly. Coaxing him to continue in the pace he is comfortable.

“He left me. Midair. Somewhere in the middle of our relationship. Without any explanation. Without any trace for me to even look for. It doesn’t make any sense.” Kyungsoo looks down and starts fiddling quite harshly on his fingers.

“We promised forever. No matter what happens; no matter our status. The promises of me finding a way for us to be together, to stay together, forever just like it was. He made it sound so real, so sure. He was sure when he said it. We were only secret high-school lovers but then it felt so sure and so real that it will continue to the future; he promised them. Forever. His hands felt like it was real, that he meant it; that what he said is the real thing and the only thing that will happen all through our future lives.” Kyungsoo started to have deep frantic breaths.

“He… He said t-that we will be together. That he will s-st-stay. That he will stay. For me.” Kyungsoo started to cry, which made him get closer and envelope him in a hug.

“He promised. For us; for forever. But he is gone. He left without telling me. Without any breakup. No letters. No follow ups.”

“I thought he only needed space, or he went on a vacation; or that he is working on something. I was sick worried but still hoping to hear from him. A call, a text, a mail, a letter. But not even any of those came to me. So, I tried finding him as he is a citizen here. He should have some records right? But there is nothing even that helped me.”

“I felt betrayed. Helpless, worried sick; but at the same time mad. Where is he? Why isn’t he responding to me? Why did his home address suddenly devoid of people? Why did he leave? Did he leave because of me? What did I do to make him leave Chanyeol? What did I do to break it apart?”

Kyungsoo is now full on crying and presumably drunk, as he keeps on rambling and shaking Chanyeol for answers. Answers that even he doesn’t know.

“Where is he Chan? Why? Did he got scared? Am I not enough, not enough to be given an explanation? What did I do? Why did he leave me?” Kyungsoo sobbed and it hurt. It hurts to see him this way; it hurts and makes him angry that his friend has to deal with this. To even doubt himself and put the blame on himself; it is making his drunk ass boil with more anger. It made him hug him more tightly.

“No, Soo. Listen to me.” He touched Kyungsoo’s chin, to make him look at him at the eye. “You are more than enough. It was not your fault; never yours. It was his baggage and actions to begin with. It’s his to answer. It was never because of you nor does this situation define you and your person. Don’t listen to the heavy feelings you’ve been dealing with. Don’t overthink. I know it’s hard to not listen to your thoughts nor forget the feelings so easily. But you did what you had to do. I know you showed him more than enough.”

He said his words with much conviction, in hopes all the anxieties and the aches that wash over his friend will be lessened. At least. He wants Kyungsoo to know how he is more than enough, that he shouldn’t get so consumed with these generalizations that were never true.

“Trust me, Soo. You are more than enough. You are a good person, a beautiful one. Don’t let what happened consume you too much. I am here; I will help you to get over, to ease everything. If you need me, I’m here. I mean it. You can lean on me. Whenever, always.”

He brought Kyungsoo’s head to his shoulder, to let him lean on him.

He will be here for him. He means every word he said, not just cause he is drunk. He will do everything he can for his best friend, even if it means he has to swallow further his feelings.

He caressed Kyungsoo’s head to calm him and his crying. They’re both drunk; both tired, empty, broken in their own ways. But he is here, to pour what he has. His love for him.

_‘It will all be fine, Chanyeol. It will, soon.’_

* * *

It is already Monday. His weekend passed by so fast. After the sleep over he had with Chanyeol, things have changed. He felt lighter, a different kind of liberation that he felt than the past months. Yes, he has tried to get over on his own and tricked himself into feeling better, but it was never as light as this. Knowing he has someone with him, for real this time. Who understands him at least. He owes Chanyeol a lot from that simple night.

He sat down facing his dresser, combing his hair while staring at the mirror. He is getting ready for breakfast and traveling to the academy after.

‘ _Maybe I should plan something for us too. We should do something again next weekend too.’_

He smiled at his thoughts, placing his comb back its place. He wants to make Chanyeol happy too, as a gratitude for being his friend and being there for him. Being sincere with him. He wants to make the other prince happy too.

-xxxxxx-

Eating his oats with bananas and berries, he has felt so happy today, that even the usual food in the palace tastes heavenly. He smiled while savoring this moment; an unusual occurrence that he doesn’t feel so empty as other family meals were.

“Everyone. I want you all to prepare this coming weekend. On Saturday.”

_‘What happens this weekend? An event?’_ Kyungsoo glanced curiously at his father, as all of them did.

“We are invited, like every other neighboring kingdom to a birthday party, at Pacificae. Their youngest.”

_‘So, its his birthday?’_ Kyungsoo was a little bit shocked at the same time amused, at how they were invited for that Oh’s birthday. He knows its another formal occasion, as every event is from any other kingdom. But knowing the Oh’s and how traditional they are, its always a rare sight to see them invite other royals to their festivities.

“Is there something important to negotiate, Father?” his older sister, Hyunji asked before he did.

“Yes. Nothing too much to worry about. Just be on your usual, best selves.”

Kyungsoo scooped his last spoonful of oats and brought it to his mouth. He suddenly feels queasy, probably from the nervousness of coming for the first time to such event, especially to such place.

_‘His birthday, huh.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:
> 
> Yellow - Coldplay


	7. One Lavender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Been quite excited with this chapter, with the progress and events that it took me too long to write hihi but anyways here it is. 
> 
> Tell me what you think ;) Thank you as always for reading! <3

He secured his boutonnière on his left lapel, using a bunch of small safety pins. After securing them, he stares at his mini creation on the reflection of the mirror in his dresser. He spent the time adorning his own boutonniere to suit his tastes and to supposedly reflect himself as a royal. His is filled with a bunch of lavenders, their kingdom’s representative flower, with a few baby’s breath stalks tied together in a thin white ribbon. He is supposed to wear such on his formal suit to adhere to the traditions of the Pacificae’s gatherings. The said kingdom traditionally requires themselves, even their guests, to wear representative boutonnieres on occasions, public gatherings. Them on the other hand, abandoned such feat years ago; although their kingdom has maintained its dainty yet detailed symbols on their carpets or suits, that are always either in the color scheme of white, lavender and silver. Kyungsoo doesn’t particularly mind these kinds of traditions either; but the kingdom they’re going to does.

Doing one last look-over on himself through his reflection, he deems he is ready to go. He is quite satisfied with the matching gray suit and pants with a white inner and tie; with the flowers going quite well with the pair as well. He then looks at the clock, pointing time to 3:30. The party starts at five, so they should have at least enough time to travel. He stands up and heads downstairs where their car is waiting

Kyungsoo arrives at the grandiose palace; he notices the place is full of expensive blue and white jars inside. The ceiling also has various pretty gold chandeliers, mostly adorned with diamond-like crystals hanging from its different sides. He notices that the place is very reflective of the kingdom, carefully crafted with different ornaments, curtains and fabrics of blue, silver, and gold. It is literally giving off a flowy water vibe; aside from the fact that there is a giant glass door at the left side of the long hall, opened to a view of the white sand and the inviting sea. He decides he likes the place a lot.

_‘Though not as flowy and inviting as their prince.’_

He continues to look at the unique paintings, absentmindedly following his family to their designated seat, guided by one Pacificae knight. As soon as he sits down, he starts to observe which royals are invited in this rare event. He recognizes most of them; mostly because their youngest heirs are in the same level in academy as him. Others are presumably important people from the West kingdom, most probably advisors, politicians and even certain celebrities in their own right.

The main palace door continues to bring in guests. Soon, he spots the Ignis prince and his parents, who are guided to the seat adjacent to theirs. Chanyeol looks at him in perfect timing, instantly smiling upon recognizing him. He smiles back, feeling elated to see his best friend in this event too. Both their parents greeted each other; his standing to meet the other’s parents happily, with the two mothers happily kissing each other’s cheek in greeting. Him and his siblings bowed to them, with the Ignis royals dismissing them off as being unnecessarily too formal.

“So, how are you today your Royal Highness?” Chanyeol chirped in beside him, with a teasing tone and a smirk. The speaker then curtsied in front of him dramatically, making both of them chuckle.

“This place is inviting, but weirdly… too stuffy.” He answers while they both glanced at the whole place, filled with more guests than it did a couple of minutes ago.

“Well, I suppose it’s the right description. Probably because they’re too formal and traditional? Or maybe because we haven’t seen this place yet for ourselves, not until now.”

“I suppose I should give credit to how they arranged their things in here. Neat.” Kyungsoo looks up at the ceilings, basking in the ocean themed paintings filling them as well. “Plus look at that seaside. Too nice for me to discount, at least.”

Chanyeol lets out an airy laugh at his comment. “Something our land locked kingdoms don’t have. If only we can savor that ourselves though, like freely.”

“By the way, your outfit looks good on you. You did that?” his friend pointed at his handmade boutonnière. “Fits you.” Kyungsoo smiles.

“Well of course. It’s supposed to fit me, right? You don’t look bad yourself. Your look manages to only make you look taller. Fiery, even.”

Chanyeol is wearing an all-black suit and pants combo, with bright yellow crocuses adorning his left lapel. He looks cheery but strong; fiery and tall. Just exactly his personality.

“Thank you.” Chanyeol smiles and he returns it, but they were interrupted by the sudden sound of the trumpets, implicitly announcing the entrance of the royal hosts. He returns to his chair, eyes fixated on the family entering the hall, in an orderly procession in the center.

The mini parade quite shows the hierarchy. The king and queen enter with formal smiles on their faces greeting the guests, followed by their line in throne prince. The line ends with their youngest, Prince Sehun, sporting a dark blue suit with a silver sash and a few golden pins. _‘Sure, looks regal.’_ Kyungsoo finds his aura here quite different, except that he still wears the signature subtle scowl on his face.

As soon as the hosts were on the platform, the king made a speech thanking everyone for coming to his youngest son’s birthday. This is followed by a collective curtsy done by everyone, and eventually clapping while singing the birthday greeting to the said prince. Kyungsoo follows, feeling uneasy with this kind of set up. Too traditional. He doesn’t know what he finds irking about it, but he is sure he doesn’t fancy it. The whole mood of the event. Not in the slightest.

After such commotion, he finds himself only following what is done; its as if his body is disassociating from the whole event. Seconds later, he finds himself sipping from his wine glass – pleased with the exquisite champagne in it – in attempts to follow what seems to be a toast. He eyes the king, still speaking but he cannot make the word out. He peeps at Chanyeol, who is wearing a specific focused expression, with scrunched eyebrows listening to the speaker. _‘I should take notes and be an attentive royal for once.’_ He thinks, quite defeated at how stifling and boring the whole thing is.

They ate a few minutes later, but it was the quietest thing ever. He appreciates the food though, each of them gets delicious sets of fresh fish dishes and seafood that he doesn’t get to eat as much. He likes the dinnerware used, mostly still colored gold, making the meal experience quite fancy. But he finds himself drowning those good stuff by the deafening silence. _‘Is this how a birthday party supposed to be? Isn’t it at least a bit lively or perhaps with good, relaxing music in the background?’_

He grabs his small table knife and cuts a piece of the giant lobster on their table; immediately sets it on his own plate, deciding to just focus on eating.

-xxxxxx-

Kyungsoo bows in unison with his family, in front of the Oh family. It’s their turn now to present their gifts to the birthday celebrant – actually last in the long line of guests – in which an assistant collected and settled them on a large table; also filled with various neatly wrapped gifts.

“We are wishing Prince Oh Sehun more years and blessings, same as we do to you my fellow King.” His father spoke in behalf of them. King Oh smiled quite warmly at the words, significantly different from the formal, rehearsed smile he wore in the event so far.

“Thank you, King Do. Thank you also for gracing our invite. It’s an honor for us to welcome you here in our palace.”

“Oh Sehun, why don’t you greet your future father-in-law warmly?”

The said prince then bows deeply in front of the Borealian king, a ninety degree one and placing a kiss on the royal’s hand. It’s an old, traditional bow that is deemed very respectful to Kyungsoo’s kingdom.

But Kyungsoo barely registers what is happening as his mind pauses on the words the Pacificae king has said.

_‘Father-in-law? To which of us does he mean though?’_

He suddenly felt like his heartbeat go loud and erratic, with the seafood he ate threatening to come out of his system.

The Pacificae king smiles, then walks close to them and places a friendly hand on his father’s shoulder. “I suppose we should discuss more matters together, while we are at it. Shall we?”

He guides the other king with him. But before he continues to walk, he pauses, turning to Sehun. “You should dance with your future husband. Show him around as well.”

Sehun bows to his father in heed of his request, and all the young heirs did so subsequently, including Kyungsoo. They all bow to the two kings who are entering a separate room nearby, closely followed by their queens.

Then there came the silence. 

Suddenly, he feels jittery. Naseous. He hides his hands inside his side pockets.

“Shall we dance?” Prince Sehun asks him, but he barely registers it. Staring at the offered hand.

-xxxxxx-

Sweaty. Kyungsoo’s hands are getting sweaty. He thinks he is slowly suffocating, going nuts.

They danced with the slow music, along with the other guests in the said event. His siblings are going on about their business too. His older sister dancing with another royal prince while his older brother is busy talking to the Pacificae’s first line in throne. And yes, he is here; he is dancing with the youngest prince, right at the center of the whole dance floor. _‘This is nuts. It is going nuts.’_

Kyungsoo can’t even think nor even process what has happened a few minutes or hours – the way he doesn’t even know anymore how long ago that was. This dance is in no way indicating what he thinks, right? It is definitely not him, right?

Defeated, he stares at the sash of his partner. He now sees the wavy lines and sea-like patterns on the said sash.

“Do you know about this?” He asks, almost a whisper. His question is possibly drowned by the music and the noise of dance floor, especially when the person he is talking to is staring on his side and not responding to him. Not even a slight change of expression.

The silence is stretched, and they kept aimlessly dancing together, with a stand still situation.

“I figured it out myself. Eventually.”

He looks up upon hearing the equally faint reply of the other, seeing that Sehun is now looking at him with a totally new expression. He is wearing a mood that Kyungsoo has never seen before. That of softness, with a tinge of exasperation.

“How long?”

“Quite recently.”

Kyungsoo stares back at the details of the sash, looking down from a weird eye-to-eye moment with the other prince. He huffs, feeling torn at how to even process and approach this situation. This is certainly not what he wants, at all. But could he blame him? Does he have a fault in this set up, by knowing of it way before he entered their university? Did Oh Sehun interacted with him all while knowing such thing?

The suffocating silence in the middle of the huge party continues, both of them still swaying to the faint sound of music in the hall.

Suddenly, Sehun’s grip on his right hand tightened, causing him to look at him again. “Could you give me one?”

Kyungsoo silently asked him, quite confused what he means.

“One lavender.”

“Why?”

Sehun goes back to staring at his side, at nothing. Puts the scenario back to silence for another set of agonizing minutes.

“Treat it as a respect. Gratitude to the dance. Tradition.” Sehun nonchalantly replied, meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes again, wearing his classic cold expression. “You giving me one flower from your boutonniere is giving gratitude. I-if-if…you do. I suppose.” With the end of his sentence, he returns to eyeing his side, away from the other’s eyes, coming off as feeling unsure of what he said.

Kyungsoo frees his hands and tries to get one lavender stalk from his lapel, without damaging the whole thing. He places it on Sehun’s hands and both of them bowed to each other, signifying the end of their dance.

He breathes in a bit of relief, finally away from such weird set up. But another emotion eats him up, inside his guts. He walks back to their table and swigs the remaining champagne on his glass, prepared to already leave and head home.

* * *

With fingers fiddling with the texture of the small petals and taking in the scent, Sehun stares at the lavender stalk on his hand while laying down on his bed. He continues to run his hands through the little flowers, the small buds, then the stalk and repeats. Mind drifting, he decides to get up and get the mini jar sitting idly on his work desk. He places the stalk on it, then stares at the whole thing.

He stands up and walks to his bathroom and washes his tired face. Splashing a few times on his face, he stares at his wet face on the mirror and returns to his desk with a towel. He goes back to focusing on the lone lavender stalk on the mini jar.

He sits down and groans, completely tired from the day’s events. His birthday party, if it was much of a birthday party. He thinks its just another formal, negotiating event; it feels more of a negotiating event.

He brings his attention back to the flowers, suddenly remembering the stiff feeling of another body close to him. Aimless dancing. An on-the-edge moment on the dance floor.

Weirdly feels the sweaty, warm and nervous hand on his own hand again, he smiles, quite amused. He continues to smile while remembering the wide eyes staring at him upon his request, wearing a surprised and weirded out expression. _‘He found it weird. Maybe unbelievable. But who cares, at least I have this. Quite fun. In a while.’_

He stares back at the lavender, still wearing a faint of a smile for the little amusement he feels, for the very first time. In years.

_‘Happy Birthday self.’_

* * *

Chanyeol is feeling uneasy, walking with a nagging pit in his chest. Maybe a bit annoyed too, recalling what he saw in the party he came home from. He hurriedly enters his room and moves his chair. Removing himself from his suit and drapes the top on the back of the said chair. Sitting down, he recalls and thinks, trying to make sense of what has happened earlier.

 _‘Why were they dancing, all of a sudden?’_ He recalls the two dancing, following the scenario where the two kings left the event, presumably holding a meeting of some sort. The Do family gave their respects after they did, the last one to do so after all the set of guests in the party. He thinks it was intentional.

He takes a pen and fiddles with it, turning and alternating it in circles between his fingers. He is quite confused if the dance was supposed to mean something, Pacificae traditions-wise. He continues with the fiddling and stares at the yellow crocuses on his boutonniere; and it suddenly hits him.

 _‘They’re being introduced to each other. Formally. Possible marriage…ties. Ties? For what?!? Isn’t Kyungsoo too young to be even considered?’_ He becomes furious, upon remembering what dances possibly mean in the neighboring kingdom’s customs. Chanyeol knows because it should be common sense to know the other kingdom’s traditions and beliefs; if a line in throne like him is to rule, it is an unwritten standard to learn, to just know.

Suddenly remembering the Borealian bow the prince did in front of King Do, it makes sense now.

_‘Of course, it’s a proposal. What else could all the pieces mean…’_

He gets his laptop and sets it properly on his desk, waits for it to fully turn on. It may be a bit creepy but how can he not know, he is supposed to be observant, much more since its Kyungsoo. His Soo. He cannot help but be drawn to him, much more than any royal he caught on during the event.

Upon entering his password, he scans his documents for letter formats and opens one addressed to Magnus. As soon as the file opens, he frantically types.

_‘Greetings Your Highnesses, King and Queen Do!’_


	8. An Unexpected Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! New update ^^ Tell me what you think of this chapter and as always thank you for reading <3333
> 
> *a little TMI and side note: was quite stoked to find the song for this chapter in a eureka moment, late at night while streaming. I am soo happy the song actually fits the chapter quite well. You will know it definitely fits if you know/dissect the song's meaning too ;)*

Sunday. Supposedly free time. But of course, he is here; partly because of the project, the other half, because he must try convincing them.

Sehun is in the Magnus Borealis, something he never imagined he would visit ever. Much more its royals’ palace. Quite daunting, he knows, for a first visit.

It’s because who lets him visit any place anyways? He is stuck to not much of things to attend. Sure, he attends public events their kingdom does, but it happens mostly at their home, not in any place else. And out of all those events, he only gets to attend in as slim as 10 percent; his elder brother mostly gets to do a lot, given a direct line to the throne. Him? Good as scrap of an heir.

He bitterly twists his mouth, staring at the laptop for the third time as he finds his focus to finish reading the journals. This is the last journal but a 150 paged one. He has read it more than once already, but he is still rereading, not trusting on whether he has already a good grasp of it. After this tedious task, he is to start making his own alternatives to the case from background to conclusion. The plan was them both will make their own separate case report analysis, then exchange to read. Discuss. Review. Consolidate their ideas, which ones would be reasonable enough to present. Something that would be reasonable for their hypothetical kingdom to do in the middle of a cold war.

He hears sipping of coffee, almost as faint as a whisper. He remembers he is not alone in this patio. There is Kyungsoo, his supposed to be betrothed – if ever the proposal goes approved by his parents and if ever, he manages to convince the Dos, in which he should. He doesn’t know what they agreed upon, what they talked about during his party, but all he knows his father is not one to just do these things. The king is not one to even send out a proposal if it hadn’t meant business, if it hadn’t meant for this to signify something in a deal. It is not even up for a debate; it’s a silent command for him to do, as he always knew. Its in the “rule book” of his life, it’s what he must do. He gets something planned for him and he is to do what he must do without messing up. He has to win this over for a deal he doesn’t know what and there are no other options or end points but success.

He just have to, despite not knowing what for, despite it being like he is sent away. He has to; otherwise, he would be more of a ‘good-for-nothing’ in his father’s eyes.

Not a line to the throne. Not of use. Not a son. Just some additional person in the chess board to navigate, to use.

For good moves and countermoves.

He looks over to Kyungsoo again; this time, catching his eye as he pushed the middle of his glasses to fix them. They both awkwardly stared back on their laptops, the other blushing, without him knowing. _‘How do I even deal with this person? How do I even win this, if there’s something to be achieved here…?’_

_‘How do I deal with a lifetime with this person?’_

_‘What deal was made out of this?’_

_‘What does our country lack that there is a pressing need for this? What does father even want out of this?’_

_‘Does he not want me that much?’_

_‘Am I that of a menace to be married at this early?’_

He types. He reads a whole paragraph then types again. Grabs his water in a glass that was given to him and gulps it down. Swallows. Types again thoughts he contemplated out of reading the said text for the third time now.

His thoughts kept rambling. Heart weirdly pounding. Heavily.

Emotions? He doesn't know. He doesn't wanna know.

He chooses to repress everything.

Again.

He focuses on the task at hand until he has finished the more than a hundred pages journal. Was a long ride, but at least he is done synthesizing. He is to start doing his own analysis when he hears a sound. Awkward clearing of the throat.

“Where do you want to eat lunch? Do you want us to eat at the dining hall?” Somehow in that whole sentence, he manages to think he is given an option. No one has given him options, not in his life. So, he grabs this one time.

“Thank you. I-I p-prefer if we eat here. I-if…if that’s really okay. But if we have to in the dining hall it’s fine too.” He hurriedly says, fearing that maybe he misunderstood it. He doesn’t even know why this thing’s got him nervous and stammering, save for the fact that it’s already an awkward situation.

“Okay. Id tell them to send our food here.” Kyungsoo replied to him with a thin, timid smile, going back immediately to his work.

From across him, there’s a slender, petite physique of a prince compared to him, even if he was the younger. A figure of a person he has to deal with for possibly forever, to convince to be with forever and yet he is already doing a bad job. With all the awkwardness, the silence, the stammering; maybe even the misunderstanding. _‘I am used to have to be rude, to have to be silent and nonchalant. How am I supposed to deal with this whole thing? How am I supposed to crumble my walls for someone so abruptly or dedicate myself to being their partner, even if just for fucking deals…this is taxing as fuck?’_

Exasperated, he runs his hand through his hair and sighing. Quite loud.

“You have a problem there?” Kyungsoo eyes him, face ever passive but his eyes tell a different story. Makes Sehun even more uneasy for something he doesn’t even know.

“I don’t know…. it’s nothing.”

“I suppose its about the whole set up, isn’t it? You’re thinking…about it.”

Now that question caught him like a fish out of water. To how does the other know he is thinking the exact thing, he doesn’t know; however, it could be he is as obvious when he is struggling to keep a straight expression-less face the whole time since he came here. _‘Was he more perceptive as opposed to what I thought? Thought he is dense.’_

“I suppose you don’t have to worry much. It’s for the grown-ups to deal with, not much of what we can do anyways.”

He watches Kyungsoo fiddle with the edges of his t-shirt, with the slender but seemingly steady type of hands. ‘ _Awkward. Nervous too. But even his hands suit him too much.’_

“It’s still a proposal. It’s up to your parents whether they take it or not. But it’s added suffocating responsibility on me… well, invisibly.” He irritatedly said, immediately blurting out words he was not supposed to say. _‘Well, fuck. It’s indeed an annoying responsibility. Screw everybody.’_

Kyungsoo looked at him, with a milli-second change of reaction. Shock registered but was gone quiet quickly and replaced again with a stoic expression. But a harder one.

“It’s suffocating for me too? Like I didn’t certainly ask to be married off to anyone even if I would have to, sooner or later. And definitely it wasn’t to you. You don’t have the right to be this fucking mad at me when I should be the one mad over you all meddling with my life.” The speaker now wears a scowl on his face. “Please Your Highness, tell your father to drop the proposal. Tell him you don’t want this as much as I don’t.”

He huffs in frustration and in being defeated, altogether. He finds the statements unreasonable. “Believe me, if it were that easy…I would have done so. I suppose you know about that yourself, right?” He answers accusingly, in annoyance.

This time the other sighs. As equally defeated as he is.

“Was taking my chances. Was thinking that maybe you could, find a way yourself as I’m finding mine too. Out of this.”

That strangely hurt him, as much as he knows it’s the truth. Even for both of them. None of them would want to be married, even if not this early. Arranged marriages are things you don’t wish for, to happen. They happen as they happen, because simply you’re a spare change put into use. Politics. Literally for anything. As far as he himself knows. But hearing it from him, rejection, why does it even hurt? He is supposed to be immune to any rejection. Family. Friends. Even as small as this, from someone he doesn’t even know, he should be fine. But weirdly he isn’t.

They were enveloped in a silence. A deafening one, as it always does between them. They’re not even friends to begin with; just partners in a project, but not even on amicable terms. Quite as civil as it gets. He doesn’t even want to be friends with this person to begin with, nor have any intentions associated with him, from the moment he saw him. But now the project exists, the very likely arranged marriage exists.

Yes, the scenario is in silence; a thick one. But this silence is gradually starting to go differently. There’s a sudden shift. From frustration to a tinge of awkwardness, an eventual bubble of understanding. A silent understanding, which is surprising.

The wind in the open patio blew, and the air was filled with a familiar scent. Of course, lavender. This place is filled with lavenders.

He looks at Kyungsoo, eyes focusing on the sight of the garden near them. He suddenly notices his face, his features. Perfect side profile, with a beautiful jaw. With plump, heart-shaped lips that even in a side view people would swoon over. Generally, a peaceful yet powerful aura. A silent but strong persona.

Sehun awkwardly looks down, stops himself from further staring. A weird buzzing in his chest appeared, makes him confused.

He shouldn’t. He is to keep it cordial.

Even logical.

But,

He is drawn, he is drawn on knowing him.

-xxxxxx-

“Would you like anything your Highness? Tea, coffee or any snack?”

He stops typing his paragraph, one that he is writing that’s supposed to be his draft for the body. He looks at the asking eyes in front of him.

“Sehun. I’m fine with Sehun. Sounds easier.”

Kyungsoo’s wide asking eyes turned wider. Everything drags. Again. In silence.

“I’d like some tea.” He whispers unsurely, almost inaudibly. He is getting weirder and weirder by the minute. This is not him being unsure; he is definitely not himself since he got here. He is being unreasonable and illogical; a break of character and he hates it. And he will beat himself for it later.

“would you want green or herbal?”

“What do you have for herbal?”

“Wide range. Just throw out a random one.”

“Do you have lavender tea?”

This suddenly puts Kyungsoo into a smile. A smile that caught Sehun off guard. “I was going to go for that option as well. Okay, I’d be telling them to bring in some. I hope you don’t mind fruits for snacks?”

He nods briefly, trying to keep it business-like as he could. His eyes then followed the figure as it walks away from the patio to the nearest servant by the glass windows.

_‘So, he likes lavender too. Well, of course he would. Why wouldn’t he its his country’s distinct feature, silly.’_ He dismisses his incomprehension and starts typing the project's body again.

Kyungsoo himself settles the food and the tea set in a tray on the table in front of them. He pours the lavender tea quite gently, both in two glass cups meant for them. Sehun sips his share immediately, basking in the taste. The smell. God, he loves lavenders.

The other takes a piece of strawberry. Puts it into his mouth. And weirdly Sehun caught himself unconsciously watching, as Kyungsoo’s wide eyes at his actions snapped him out of it. He awkwardly sips his tea quite fast, in which burns his tongue and makes him cough. Laughter filled the atmosphere, his eyes immediately darting to Kyungsoo, who then covered his mouth in attempt to hide his amusement.

“What’s funny?” Sehun huffed while picking his fork and getting one strawberry.

“No, it’s just you don’t have to be so awkward. It’s fine. Don’t make this as more awkward. Just eat and drink well.” Kyungsoo smiles at him. It shocks him internally.

Too soft. Too genuine. When does he smile like this to him? It’s a first. Under weird, awkward circumstances. But it makes Sehun feel a weird pit in his stomach.

“Thanks a lot for making fun of my demise.” He replies mockingly while rolling his eyes, which just makes Kyungsoo burst into laughing again. But this time more freely.

_‘It looks nice on him. Laughing.’_

“Do you like tea as much?”

He sips while internalizing the question abruptly thrown at him. Should he let him know? About him or about anything. _‘Would this be some type of opening up? Why do I have to? Is there a need to answer?’_

He should be logical right now and get a grip.

But his mouth weirdly betrays him. Again.

“I like tea. But only this kind.”

“Lavenders. You like lavenders.”

Kyungsoo stated it in a matter-of-factly way, then sipped his own tea. They gazed at each other while drinking. Makes Sehun feel even more weird.

“How about you? Black tea, right?”

“Yes. But I like lavender tea equally too.”

Silence ensued. Sehun decides to go for a slice of watermelon. He grabs one but he bumps to a hand. They both stared at each other; both wanting the same slice of watermelon.

He catches Kyungsoo blushing, immediately turning away from him. “Y-yo-you get it.”

“No. I’m fine. You get it.” Kyungsoo takes the opportunity to get the slice; Sehun follows by picking the slice next to it.

“So how does it feel like? Pacificae?” he receives another question, all while stuffing his mouth with the slice. He wishes he can just stuff his mouth with these. Better than to talk.

“It’s fine.” He replies quickly after swallowing the watermelon, only to get another slice at the center of the table.

“I see.” Kyungsoo muses, sips his tea again. “What fun do you do there?” This confuses him.

“What do you mean?” he asks; this time aiming for a grape.

“I was wondering if you go to that seaside your palace have, the beach. White sand.” Kyungsoo piqued, voice full of interest.

“Y-y-you wanna see it this next weekend?”

“W-wha-what?”

This time, its Sehun who blushes. _‘Shit. What was that for? Why did I even ask him?’_

_‘No. This is for the proposal. For the deal. Duty.’_

_‘Right?’_

He clears his throat, takes his glass cup and sips his remaining lavender tea. “I was wondering if you would like to see it, since… y-you k-kn-know…I am inviting you. Whatever. At the palace. For the seaside. I-iif-if you only want that, that is.”

“Sure. Sure. I would love to. Am I we-wel-”

“Of course.” Sehun cuts him, knowing what he is gonna say. Rather quickly. Another surprising thing coming out of him today. Is he even well or going nuts, he doesn’t know. “Of course. You are welcome. You can visit anytime. If you want, w-we can do the project in my place some other time too.”

_‘Wow. Now I’m promising stuff. Get a fucking grip, bastard.’_

With this Kyungsoo smiles timidly, moving to sip his tea and looking back at his laptop.

Sehun wants to puke, to run wild at himself, at his weirdness this day. At the illogical, out-of-nowhere actions that are so not him. But above everything, at him pulling his walls down this easily. Quite easily, sort of; considering he has never gone lengths for anyone with these sentences, all to a single person in a single day. He is definitely going nuts; that, he decides.

But he smiles. For the very first time he smiles back. Kyungsoo sees it and returns it equally.

A thick fog lifted. Yes, tedious. Yes, taxing. Might be suffocating and wrong and unfit, if this goes further. Most probably in the whole of his life.

He looks at the dried lavender floating at the glass tea pot on the table.

_‘Maybe, just maybe…the wilted blooms again.’_

* * *

Kyungsoo just arrived from his Monday academy class. It’s late at night and he rushes to his room to get stuff done.

As soon as he arrives at his desk, he sees a pot.

He opens the shiny blue card attached to its silver ribbon. Delicate writing adorned the blank card, at the center. Concise, brief. _‘_

_Just like he tries to appear.’_

_‘Your Highness,_

_Thank you for inviting and welcoming me to your place. For time and food. Let’s do our project meetup here in my place this weekend, if you’re still up for it. I’d arrange a tour on the seaside too._

_Prince Oh’_

He looks at the blooms in the center of its little shrub, growing from the white pot. The pot is adorned by the silver ribbon, where he got the blue card. Hydrangeas. Purple and blue hues intertwining in its petals. He has never seen them in any kingdom, but he knows they are rare. Very rare and delicate in the region; and are only found in Pacificae.

Kyungsoo knowingly smiles. He knows it means something. It indicates something and he understands. He is quite amused, with all the unexpected interaction he had with the said prince yesterday.

He stares at the flowers again. Blue, just a few tinges of blues. Purples swimming and twirling beautifully in its flowers.

_‘Apology. Regret. But a deep desire to know someone.’_

-xxxxxx-

Kyungsoo swallows hard. He looks at the front of the door he is meaning to enter. He knocks and hears a quick acceptance from the person he wants to see.

“Oh. It’s you son. What is it?” the king asks him, all while sitting with his reading glasses on; still with hands full of reports and papers in his desk.

“Dad, I want to negotiate something.”

His father looks at him, with focus. Coaxing him to continue.

“I want to negotiate about my marriage proposals.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter:
> 
> O2 by our lovely leader Suho ^^


	9. Clarity. Anxities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! ^^ 
> 
> I know its been so long since ive updated but IM FINALLY BACK :D life really happened and i found it hard to update for months. huhu but i am equally glad i am back to continue the fic. I will see to it that I finish this of course. So if ever I go mia again or that I cannot update for a longer period, know that I will for sure finish my baby and would still continue it given the time.
> 
> To those who are still reading and waited too, thank you so much! It means so much for me that someone is even reading this. And because I havent updated for so long, here's a little gift: this chapter is around approximately 5k! Something way longer than my previous chapters hehe.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it and tell me what you think as well in the comments. Thank you again for reading! ^^

Head empty and staring outside the tainted windows of his car,  Chanyeol’s mind is topsy-turvy. Clasping his hands that are rested above his legs, which are brought together, he is fidgety. His left leg keeps shaking, consistently onto a gentle, one-way up-down movement yet with a contrasting nerve-wracking mood; all done with him not being conscious about it. 

One thought. Comes, then passes by. Another peaks into view, but as soon as he starts mulling over it, it becomes quite muddled and blurry. It then goes away as quick as it had appeared. He decides his mind is playing chase today; he can't focus on one thought, nor being able to catch and mull over it. 

He tries to play with the pattern of his ring to refocus his attention; the round shape of gold with an emblem embedded on the center. His fingers roam repeatedly on the little road of texture the parallel lines and patterns make on the jewelry. He thinks the gold piece is pretty; that anything  Ignus is pretty and shiny. This is a token his father has officially passed down to him as a symbol of recognition of his incoming taking over, and it is pretty. Even the family crest that’s sitting in the middle; he thinks it's pretty. 

Very gorgeous, regal. Priceless even and he is to protect it.

But is the step he is about to take right? He doesn’t know. All he knows now is that he is doing well in preparing for his soon duty; but his recent step, a small push of a stone to a whole avalanche; he was nothing but a mess of squirming with uncertainty and nervousness. _‘It’s right. It’s fine. It should be fine.’_

Convincing himself he looks away. Nothing is to go awry; it’s going to go fine. He is leaving it up to fate.

And fate has never once disappointed him in matters he somehow has control of.

* * *

God, he hates numbers. But of course,  it's what he is exactly doing now.

Sehun is on finance class, the subject he loathes the most. He doesn’t know why a smaller royal like him – and means a lesser royal in terms of possibility of the crown being passed on to – would want to even come into terms with learning how to budget and how to raise kingdom reserves besides taxes. He thinks  it's silly and it doesn’t go by the book, his life path book, but of course he learns  from the few months of studying in this university that every one learns a lot of unnecessary stuff. For a lesser royal like him, that is.

He mopes internally, staring at the sample problems their textbooks have provided. Capital budgeting. Something he doesn’t give a fuck about. But he senses that the wide-eyed being on his right would be very focused on getting it right, if he is even present. In which he  isn't ; he is out of sight today for the first time Sehun has ever noticed. He is absent for once and somehow Sehun feels a bit weirded out. He has been so accustomed and conscious of him being there in where he expects him to. He has already gotten used to the normalcy of things.

His thoughts draw back to him. He would be of course curious in the subject. Immersed even. He has been eyeing him subtly since their classes started. 

What’s fun and interesting in money; what's in it for him anyway? He thinks  Kyungsoo can even ignore the whole thing and he will be fine, cause like him they're both the youngest in the  heir . 

_‘What is he going to budget anyway? All he has to do is sit pretty and live exactly the same if he wants to, without managing much.’_ He thinks both of their kingdoms don’t need them after the consummation. As long as they both agree and stay true to what deal was signified in the union, they’d be fine thereafter. 

He shakes off his thoughts, catching the way it darts to them being married. _‘Why am I getting ahead of myself...’_ He then stares back at his book, continuing the solving, pressing his calculator frantically than he intends to.

_‘But just saying the reality soon enough. I'm just being realistic; what's so bad about it? ’_ He is talking himself, convincing it and eyes him, imagining again in his periphery. _‘Our impending reality.’_

_‘But I’d have to admit...’_

_‘...one daunting, gorgeous reality.’_

* * *

Holding the garden scissors, he trims the excesses of the camellia stemming he wants to try propagating. He saw them on the road one day all the way from university and in that moment, he has the urge to see them on his own garden below his balcony. He briefly looks at the set of plants on the patio’s table, variety of plants he is keen on growing in the castle’s patch of greenery: handful of dried olive seeds, stems of camellias entangled with a couple of rose stems and a few batches of lavender. He is almost finished trimming all the stems he has gathered to plant.

He continues cutting the dried leaves and little twigs around the camellia stem he is currently holding; doing this while thinking of particularly nothing. A feeling of relief and peace has settled well in his heart while doing so. He is always calmed down every time he does something familiar; he is relieved every time he does activities that requires little thinking. 

Having finished, he takes the whole batch of plants settled on a big white cloth and hugs them to his chest. Grabbing the little cup containing the olive seeds he has personally dried to plant, he sets out on the farther barren edge of his garden.

Being absent for today since he decides he couldn’t breathe without breaking into a panic attack,  Kyungsoo stayed home and cancelled going to school. He needs a breather, especially with all the storm brewing in his mind. It is a distraction — his gardening — one thing he desperately needs. He settles on not attending to think through his next steps. 

He settles the big bundle of cloth with plants he is holding on the Bermuda grass, beside the empty patch he has asked his trusted gardeners to bare. He grabs the trowel and digs a small appropriate hole for his branch. Once satisfied with the opening he made, he sticks the first camellia branch on it and uses his glove covered hands to cover the hole around the plant. Continuing everything, changing places around his garden to form a whole fence-like line of camellia plants, he stands up and smiles at his satisfying work. 

_‘Gardening is satisfying. This day is satisfying.’_

He moves to another place adjacent to the camellia line, and starts plowing and digging enough holes for his lavender plants. Yes, his castle is indeed filled with enough lavenders, adorning the place. Given that his kingdom itself is like lavender land, sure he can forgo planting another line of it. But he adores them and loves the lavender scent filling his morning air or afternoon breeze by his window in his bedroom.  Plus, they look calming, with the violet hue surrounding his otherwise green filled garden.

Kyungsoo stands up after what seemed like a few minutes of gardening; but when he looks at his watch, he had actually spent three hours for it. Regardless he is pleased. He has finished dispersing the rose stems and the dried olive seeds, which will grow into big trees; thus, he has set them father apart from each other, on the corners of the wide expanse of their yard. Wiping his sweat, he looks at his work again with a content heart. 

The breeze blows and he basks in the scent his flowers give the air. He breathes in enthusiastically and with relief, he breathes out with a smile. Calm. At last, for the blur of events in his past days, he is calm.

He smiles, eyeing the newly planted branches and traces of plowed earth which carried his soon to be olive trees. Imagining the view of the garden once his cute plants grow, he grabs his tools merrily to head back to the palace. But he suddenly remembers something and leaves everything to grab something from inside.

-xxxxxx-

Carefully removing the whole living body from the white gift pot given to  him; he sets the bush on the newly cleared ground. He covers its roots with fertilized soil hastily and looks at his work silently.

_ “Dad, I want to negotiate something.” _

_ His father looks at him, with focus. Coaxing him to continue. _

_ “I want to negotiate about my marriage proposals.” _

_ His father looks at him fuller this time, and with a puzzled expression. But such feature switched immediately into a calm one, the usual face his father wears when he is being diplomatic. Calculating. Serious. _

_ He knows the person he is talking to right now is the king himself. Giving him all his ears but with a very wary stance. _

_ “How did you find out about the proposal?” _

_ ‘ _ _ So, _ _ it is indeed a real thing. I am really planned to be married off.’ _

_ “I just figured it out myself. At the  _ _ Pacificae _ _ party. The King Oh mentioned it to his son before the dance.” _

_Silence. A long one._

_ “Of course, your mind would stick to that. Is there a problem there?” _

_ Kyungsoo _ _ ponders the words just said. Is there really a problem? Yes! There is indeed a problem! Whether it be something inter-kingdom related that he doesn’t know that requires them to negotiate; it may be a matter where Magnus and  _ _ Pacificae _ _ had not agreed upon that is too deep. Maybe a harder political loop he is not aware of that needs a bigger solution than mediation or even an impending war over something he  _ _ isn't _ _ even sure.  _

_ It indeed is a problem. Why ask him that? Aside from the indications of a politically inclined problem that is hidden from him, it is weird and uncanny enough he is considered first as the one to be sold off over negotiation. Why not his older brother? Why not Do Hyun? He is soon king, not  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _. There is  _ _ Hyunji _ _ too. He is third child for crying out loud and this is eating him up. Of course, it is a problem especially for him. His life is what theyre talking about here, for goodness sakes. His whole life changes abruptly after this end...if he doesn’t put a stop to its deadline. Of course, it’s a fucking problem; he doesn’t want to be married off this easily. Not even ever. _

_ “I just  _ _ wanna _ _ know why father. Surely Hyun and  _ _ Hyunji _ _ are not married off yet too, much more olde _ _ r brother.  _ _ Plus _ _ he is in line /to the throne/. Why does it have to be me? Is the underlying problem really deep enough not to be solved through compromise?” _

_ His father stares away for a moment, eyes directed straight to the window of his office.  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ looks at him intently, waiting for his reply. But he did not give him a reply for the next few minutes other than looking away at somewhere.  _

_ ‘Why me? Why does it have to be me?’ _ _But he doesnt voice this one out._

_ “There is no deeper political problem....” the king finally responds to him. “Not yet.” _

_ This made  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ look straight at his father’s eyes, after a good amount of time staring at his hands waiting. _

_ “This is done in security of something that might be a gateway to a bigger conflict. They are the ones who are requesting negotiations with us, for the first time on any kingdom in years. They intend to work with us hand in hand with the unresolved heat with Solis Ortus. That camp is brewing something; and Pacificae offers help.” his father concludes calmly, finally grabbing a paper he was reading a while ago. _

_ “Is a war impending?”  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ asks, breathily this time. He doesn’t know how to take this information, that means something possibly deeper is sitting that he isn't aware of. ‘So, it’s for damage control then?’ _

_ “Could be. If we were not to resolve this. Solis  _ _ Ortus _ _ , from our intelligences, are brewing something fishy. They are stacking up a few of military equipment that has been banned ever since the last Regalis war. And right now, only Magnus and of course,  _ _ Pacificae _ _ has that information. And we are trying to stop the fire from forming.” _

_ “Why the need to marry me off, father?”  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ asks again, and this time tries to breathe with effort, so as to calm his nerves and raging mind. _

_ “It is still a proposal. They sent it to me out of nowhere. I am still contemplating over it, not really in a haste. I still have to reconsider the proposal as to its implications out of the two options I have to make.” _

_ “You don’t have to overthink it. Not just yet. It is not happening soon; but it may  _ _ depending _ _ on how things work out in this negotiation. I am still reconsidering their negotiation about  _ _ Ortus _ _ as well. There are still things we don’t know for sure.” _

_ This fills  _ _ Kyungsoo’s _ _ head more of dread.  _ _ So _ __ _ its _ _ with a probability of a half; his father could say yes, but ithat in itself may also either be for the good or the bad. And he could also say no, and this may affect their negotiation regarding the questionable movements of Solis  _ _ Ortus _ _ or the relationship between their kingdom and the West. His father needs to consider the best option. He unconsciously bites his nails in bubbling anxiety; over how heavy this thing is. _

_ “I am sorry son,” his father exhales a heavy one, presumably his breath he held out for the whole time. “I will try to think of a better way not to negotiate you off. I don’t intend you to be married this early, but I don’t know why it's you they're specifically asking for. I was hoping for a proposal regarding trade since we barely trade with them enough materials, just food and a few necessities in exchange for seafood and marine products. But I can't help but take this slow as they are pretty tough to negotiate with too. Pretty conservative.” _

_ ‘I guess they deem a bigger help requires a bigger exchange.’  _

_ “I don’t have problems with marrying another royal father, as long as it safe keeps the peace in the region. But I can't help but fear over all of it. I need considerable time before I can prepare myself fully for it.” _

Kyungsoo looks at the bush already planted on the lawn near his patio. He gets a bucket and waters it; looking at it intently while mulling over their conversation last night. 

He is to do duty; he knows that very well ever since he knew what royalty means. He is bound and he knows that himself. No matter how much he delays, at the end of the day, the king decides what he is to do especially if it is as grave as this. All he can do is just negotiate. But he tried. At least he tried. 

_ “You can first get to know him. All they know is I'm still reconsidering it. It is still a proposal and we are still observing what  _ _ Ortus _ _ is up to. It will take considerable time, so in that span, consider it just getting to know him if ever they send him off here to court or interact with you daily. If I figure or decide on something, I will definitely tell you all. You and your siblings.” _

The hydrangea flowers retained a few drops of the water he is pouring. It makes  Kyungsoo watch its little purple petals low key scooping the droplets then daintily making them fall off further on its edges. Such scene makes him think of rain. Hydrangeas would look good and refreshing in a morning after a bit of rain showers.

It also reminds him of the person who gave the said peace offering. Prince Sehun. He has gone soft for the boy after the implied apology but now he can't help but wonder yet again how involved Sehun is in this whole set up. He can’t help but feel again the urge to blame him and his kingdom’s proposal. No gentle way to put the situation into words but for the shit he has to deal with along with the further possibilities in this sitch.

“Nice little plant you have there.” 

He is startled by the sudden voice he hears; looking up, he sees his best friend. 

“God, you scared me!” He hits  Chanyeol on his side.

“Yah don’t soil my clothes, I just got here?” his best friend says it annoyingly but then they laugh afterwards. 

“What brings you here? You didn’t even inform me. No one informed me you're coming.  Aren't you supposed to be in school right now?”  Kyungsoo asks him.  Chanyeol fixes his clothes that are folded on its lower edge. “Well, same can be asked of you,” laughing while referring back to Kyungsoo. 

“Why are you out here gardening instead of attending uni?”

The younger stares away from the speaker to get his tools and started to walk slowly to guide his visitor inside.  Chanyeol follows suit.

“I just need a breather. School is a bit overwhelming; everything is. I need a day off. Just this once.” he looks up to the other as he opens the door for both of them. A servant comes in to take his garden tools and gloves. “How about you? What brings you here?”

“Nothing much. Father is talking to your father.”

“Do you know what it's about?” Unexpectedly they visit the palace. Not that he has to know everything but it bites inside of him that it might have to do with the current regional situation between the Regalis kingdoms. Who knows right? It might be; Kyungsoo thinks so.

Chanyeol stammers for a bit, presumably struggling to come up for an answer before speaking.

“That I am not entirely sure.”

Silence settles on them as he escorts  Chanyeol to his mini living room within his whole bedroom. He takes a shower to get rid of the dirt on him from gardening and to think things over before accommodating his friend. _‘So much for a day off. This sinking feeling of this whole political circumstance is eating me again.’_

When he comes out from putting on a decent black polo shirt from the shower, he finds  Chanyeol still in his mini study slash living room, fiddling on his phone. 

“Let's hang out the whole afternoon, grab lunch too. Somewhere. You know, to also take off our minds from duties and school.” 

“Wow. How do you plan these abrupt getaways every single time?” He laughs teasing  Chanyeol , who only beams at  him. “Don't you want to go? Didn’t you wanted to relax? I’m just helping you relax. I know a good place where we can just bring food and be by ourselves. Though we might have to ask your parents first and of course, we’d have to bother your kitchen people for some lunch to pack.”

- xxxxxx -

Kyungsoo sits on the ground, which sparsely filled with some type of tiny grass that’s perfect for an impromptu picnic. His best friend took him to  Crystalla lake, just a few minutes' drive from their palace. Despite being a resident and a royal at that in Magnus, he has never visited this nearby lake. Now that he does, he notes of why it makes sense that it got its Old English name of crystal. Because the water is indeed crystal like; it’s transparent clear, just a tinge of light blue body too. 

He has heard that people also come here to also cool off their minds, to clarify things they’ve been pondering over or that the place helps shine clear on things. It is dubbed as a spot that brings clear realizations as well; which just makes him smile as to probably why  Chanyeol decided to bring him here, besides the fact that it’s a few minutes away from his home.

“Did you bring me here because we want to clarify some things?” he jokingly says to the other who is busy setting their lunch on the picnic mat. 

“Could be. Heard this place helps people to have clarity. Clear state of mind.” the taller continues to set the food one by one out of the picnic basket they bought. “I need some peace of mind as well.”

They decided to listen to the soft blowing breeze and the rustling of leaves as they take in the magical view of the lake while eating. It is such a silent but peaceful lunch, which  Kyungsoo feels grateful for. He thinks about how  Chanyeol always knows what to do; whenever he feels off, his friend just knows what to do to make him feel better. Given he is not the type to spill his guts and thoughts out to anybody, he marvels at his ability to somehow read him — if that’s what he does. 

“Thank you. Thank you for taking me here. You just know what to do every time.” he says to him after eating half of his chicken salad. This time, the receiver smiles at him with a different vibe in his expression. 

“Is there something bothering you? You can tell me.” 

Chanyeol looks away, while eating his herbed meat. “It’s nothing.  It's just the usual thinking.” 

He pauses while looking at his friend; he thinks the other is really carrying something heavy out of his deep thinking. Seeing the scrunched-up eyebrows the other wears in the moment, he lets the topic sit and continues eating his salad. _‘Maybe it’s something he is not comfortable sharing yet.’_

“I’ll be fine, Soo. Don’t worry about me so much. I will tell you when time comes if it's something major okay? For now, I can handle it. Trust me.”

“Am I really a best friend? Tell me stuff too even if it’s random and stupid. I can take  it; I’ll always be all ears for you too; just like how you are attuned to me.”

“I know. And I’m thankful I've known you, Soo. In all honesty. If multiple lifetimes were real, I’m glad you're on mine right now.”

Kyungsoo suddenly feels his cheeks go warmer. Being conscious about how the other easily have said that, he stares to the large expanse of the view of the lake, looking at the swans passing by. _‘Of course, he’d say that. He is grateful and just happy we are friends. I would too to him, right?’_

But then if he were to be honest, the last sentence affected him differently.

He hears ruffling and he sees the other’s hand extending to him. Flowers. Gardenias. A bunch of it. 

He asks him silently and  Chanyeol can’t look at him, still extending the said hand holding them.  Kyungsoo receives them and tries to smell them. He hears the giver clearing his throat and out of nowhere he pulls out his guitar, which he hasn’t noticed he brought with him. 

A melody of notes from the strings being plucked filled the gentle blow of the wind, followed by a whole humming then singing, in acoustic. _‘_ _Chanyeol_ _really loves to sing.’_ He mentally notes, as this he doesn’t know from when they were kids. And he weirdly feels clammy on his hands. And nervous. He is nervous on the sudden change of atmosphere he cannot make out. But he smells the flowers again silently, as the other busies himself humming softly. It’s as if the singer tries to make it low key; almost imperceptible, but with the silence he hears it well.

_ “ _ _ Four letter word _

  
_But I don't have the guts to say it_

  
_Smile_ _til_ _it hurts_

  
_Let's_ _not make it complicated_

  
_We've got a story_

  
_But I'm about to change the ending_

  
_You're perfect for me...”_

Chanyeol suddenly stops, but continues his humming looking away.  Kyungsoo eyes him peripherally, fully conscious he is still plucking the guitar strings softly. He tries to concentrate on the scenery ahead of him; on anything besides the voice and the lyrics.

He settles his hands on the soft grass, in which his right hand caught a small pebble. Grabbing it, he throws it away, making a faint ripple on the surface of the lake.

  
_“You're more than just a friend so we can just stop pretending now_

  
_I_ _gotta_ _let you know somehow”_

_ - _ _ xxxxxx _ _ - _

Kyungsoo comes home, already back in his mini study. He sets his gardenia flowers from  Chanyeol on his desk, only to find something else.

There sits in the middle of his desk, a huge baby pink vase with a beautifully arranged bundle of yellow acacias and gardenias.  _ Secret love. _ God, is this what he thinks it is?

He hastily opens the card inserted in between the flowers’ branches. 

_Thank you for the time today. Hope I get to see you for another getting to know again this week end._

_Sincerely,_

_Yeol :))_

_‘So, he gave a proposal too?’_ he slumps on to his chair, hands on his hair, mouth agape at the situation he just deduced. At the whole  turn of events just this day, he suddenly feels dizzy.

He stares at the ceiling, dumb founded for what seemed like a whole hour after. 

_‘Why do I have to deal with all this?’_

Huffs, he proceeds to sit up straight and open the mails set on his desk. He hurriedly scans them, feeling funny; his gut weirdly tells him this day is not over yet. Scanning all the covers and envelopes, along with the addresses and tags written on them, he proceeds to open one shiny golden envelope. First one he had seen on the pile before scanning.

He gets his paper cutter and opens the top with it, revealing a gold and white card adorn with sun themed patterns and swirls. Of course. Of course, this big thing has to happen within this month as well.

His heart beat picks up and he stands up aggressively with a shout, heading for his bathroom to wash away his anxieties.

But regardless, while running the water, he thinks of nothing but the words written on the card.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chapter's song inspiration:
> 
> Be My Everything by Boys Over Girls ^^


	10. Exhilarating fairytale; a distant dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! took me long again to write this chapter huhu its always the usual life matters that block my way. But here I am with the new chapter update! ^^
> 
> To anyone who is still reading this and has patiently waited for every update, thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter ^^ Comment what you think of this chapter too. As always, any comment and every reader is appreciated <3

“Can you bring me some of those simple blue tea sets? And some clear glasses for the soda. Thank you. And please bring them to me up in the balcony.” Sehun instructed the kitchen assistant as he sets to head back to the second floor, to return setting up for a visitor.

Kyungsoo is coming over. Since it is a weekend, they decided that they do the promised project meeting today, in his place. Even if it's literally him who offered the idea, his mind is still in frenzy just how exactly he got into this situation. For the first time inviting another person over, and not just an ordinary person but a royal. A notable one even. He feels he is going dizzy at the thought itself. And he can't help that it will happen in less than 10 minutes.

The servant arrives with the tea set and glasses he asked for, along with the soda. Another comes in to bring a whole tray of transparent jars filled with different kinds of teas, the special ones they’ve specifically exported from other kingdoms. They even have black tea, something that doesn’t grow in their place, much more in the region. He hums in approval as the servants placed the things on the medium sized table, which is adorned with a few hydrangeas placed in a small white and blue vase, sitting on top of a detailed silver table cloth. He chose this one specifically, as he loves the texture it gives with its swirling blue curve patterns, embodying a sea-like feel on the beautiful fabric. It’s elegant and calming, which to him is perfect for the mood he is aiming for today.

He finishes arranging the bowls filled with assorted fruits already washed and some even diced and sliced, along with some cookies and biscuits. He exhales in relief; he is ready. Kyungsoo hasn’t arrived yet; he can breathe for a few seconds.

Just then, as if on cue, his servant calls him to announce that the  Borealian prince is downstairs. With that he hurries, with heart beating so loud, in a frantic pace.  _ ‘Calm the fuck down idiot. He is just a person. You'll be fine. It's just a project. Meeting. You can do that.’  _ He scolds himself as he heads out the balcony.

He rushes to the receiving hall in the first floor, finding  Kyungsoo sitting with his hands holding his bag. Sehun immediately gestures to carry the bag for him; which surprises the other. More even Sehun himself. 

“No, let me carry that for you,” he proceeds to carry it with his two hands, and walks to lead  Kyungsoo forward. “Seems heavy,” he remarks with a playful laugh, even a nervous one and he hopes it doesn’t sound that shaky. He continues to walk, which the visitor follows.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to really. I am fine.”  Kyungsoo smiles at him gently in gratitude, which internally slaps him like a gust of wind in his chest. He returns the smile immediately.

They arrive at the place he has prepared. He sets the bag on the side of one of the mini sofas and he peripherally sees the other at the same time, with a dazed-up expression. He smiles in recognition; he knows what the prince is taking in right now. He feels proud all of a sudden.

“Is this your daily spot?”  Kyungsoo asks, still in awe at the sight he is seeing. Sehun smiles, also darting his attention to the view from the balcony.

“No. But I knew this place caters the view well even if it's just in the second floor;  so, I had them set it up here. Plus, the place is cooler than any of the indoor studies we have in the palace. Which I don’t think you’d fancy.”

“I am fine with anything. But this,”  Kyungsoo raises his hands in gesture to the view, walking to the edge near the railings. “This is awesome. Your kingdom is so lucky to have this kind of ocean view. It’s perfect for afternoon teas or coffee times.” 

His voice is so filled with glee and admiration that Sehun can't help but feel that gush of wind over his body again but this time with a buzzing, electrifying current. Heart so loud and this time beating erratically. “Thank you, Sehun, for the effort setting up this place for us.” 

He grips the railing in front of them.  _ ‘Get a fucking grip, idiot.’ _

But never has he heard his name said so sweetly.

- xxxxxx \- 

Putting his laptop down after long hours of revising his draft, he huffs and slumps his back on the sofa, looking up the sky. He sees the swirls of clouds, colored in hues of yellow, orange and even a bit of pink; all adorning the bluish background. He looks at his wrist watch and finds that its literally 4:30 pm. A specific time he knows that the sky becomes majestic.

“Do you  wanna take some fresh air downstairs? Brea-a- ak ... wa -walking...or something.”  _ ‘Stupid head. What are you even talking about?’ _ Sehun clasps his two hands with pressure in between his spread-out legs, and focuses on tangling his fingers; not looking at the other’s reaction. He has been embarrassing ever since he met the prince.  Thought he learned the lesson by now, yet he still stupidly does it. Who would want to go walking at this hour even? He wonders.

But unexpectedly  Kyungsoo laughs, making him look at the prince. “Sure, sure. This is suffocating me.” he says, gesturing at his laptop screen.

* * *

They head downstairs. Sand. Lots of white sand.

Kyungsoo smiles as he watches his shoes, feet tracing circles on the soft, smooth white sand. He  can't believe he gets to see a place like this in his life; much more the breath-taking view in front of him.

They continued to walk in silence; the host walking a little bit ahead of him while he follows the footsteps made on the path. He glances at the ocean view. Levitating. He feels like he is on cloud nine, up and soaring. 

He continues to revel in the color contrast of the clouds above him; adorning the soon all yellow orange sky. He sees the sun starting to set beautifully, colors painting the horizon and its reflection on the water. 

Sparkling and magnificent. It’s like a painting; everything here right now is like a painting. Something unreal. And he is feeling so happy and strangely liberated. It is like he is transported to a place where he can be just himself. At peace. No worries, no problems; no things to deal with that have consequences. Just the sound of the waves gently lulling his ears.

He looks at the sky again; then the sunset, which this time has gotten lower than the last minute that he’d seen. It got him thinking of the times he looked at the sun rising and setting outside the view of his bedroom window. Something there, but far away. A thing that looks magnificent. Fairytale-like. But that something is what he cannot grasp with his own hands nor bask in a closer view. And weirdly he has, right now. A bit closer than he could ever, but in a different and weird circumstance, if you will.

Feelings turning mellow, he thinks about how that distant light was a representation of their hopes, dreams and love. Something uplifting and bright; have always been magical every single rise and fall. But just like that view outside his window, it's something unreachable; something that he can only view from a distance. Will never reach with both his hands. 

Them. That past love. Of what used to be. An exhilarating fairy tale but meant to be a distant dream. And now he doesn’t know if it’s even appropriate to label it as bittersweet.

“Are you okay?” 

He turns his head to find Sehun, looking at him while holding that picnic cloth he brought with them earlier. Presumably for a place to sit in the beach sand.

“Hmmm.” he hums in affirmation, not really wanting to talk. 

He looks at the Western prince setting the cloth on the sand, unfolding the fabric meticulously. He finds that simple act of the younger prince surprising.  _ ‘He is very detailed of a person,’  _ he concludes. 

“Wouldn't you want to sit?  Kyungsoo ?” Surprised being an understatement, he internally notes the words said to him. It feels strange; having heard Sehun refer to him by name. He finds it weird because the other doesn’t really call him his name that much.

He sits down as told; both of them looking far away at the sunset that is now in its final moments from fully setting on the view. With this silence, suddenly he doesn’t know what to make out of it. Maybe the thinking got to him. He is not supposed to think of it ever again. He has moved on for crying out loud. Besides he has duties to attend to, much more this mini date that he is very aware of. Aside from it being a project.

“Are you uncomfortable with me?” Sehun asks, which coaxes the whole unaddressed  dynamic between them two.

“Kind of. If I’m  gonna be honest. I am just.... not...used to this whole thing. Not prepared, that is.” With such answer, he sees Sehun peripherally nodding, presumably understanding him. 

He feels weirdly bad for the situation they’re in. Despite him wanting to blame his kingdom for the whole mess that is happening in his life, much more for Solis Ortus, he still feels a sense of pity for the prince. It could be because he considers the possibility of him just being used in this whole set up too. That’s what playing cards is in the guise of duty; that’s what this whole royal thing is all about.

“But do not fret. Despite it being uncomfortable, I am trying my best to understand that this is what we have to do. I cannot promise I will be completely comfortable with this whole set up, but do not worry over me making it hell for you. As much as I can control. Things beyond my decisions...that’s a different story. But the  present... I hope we can just make most as much as what it requires.”

Sehun now looks at him in a different expression, a break from the stoic features. Glazed eyes. Something that tells  Kyungsoo it is not what he is expecting to hear.

“I am cool with you as a person, Sehun. Don’t worry about me, I will definitely soon manage. Maybe we can just leave it up to fate. But trust me I know what you purport to say with the flowers. And I accept. I understand.” 

This time, the  Pacificae prince’s eyes turn wider in shock but then recovers with a thin, relieved smile. With which he also finds relief. That at least things between them are as honest as they can both manage.

“Thank you.” Sehun softly replies, but this time extending a bunch of small seashells, pink hydrangeas and a few lavenders that are all crystalized into a bracelet. The said prince silently reaches for his hands, with shaking, damp hands and fastens the thing around his wrist.  Kyungsoo smiles then laughs, still feeling the younger’s nervous hands around his. 

“Why so shaky?’ he teases him, to which Sehun replies his classic scoff. Makes the  Borealian prince laugh more. “You’re fine. It’s just me. Thank you for this...may I know what’s this for?”  Kyungsoo twists his left hands, left and right, eyeing the accessory.

“I don’t know...just take it as a token of gratitude from me. For gracing my invite. Something to remember by.”  Kyungsoo smiles at the statement, all while sensing the redness the other’s face is exuding. It is a dainty set of ornaments, that looks shiny and elegant despite being simple. He wonders if this is a normal token of expression in their kingdom.

“Is this a normal  Pacificae tradition for guests?”

“You could say that. Not specifically bracelets but anything that serves as a distinct kingdom token or ornament, expressing gratitude. I put shells and hydrangeas there, something to represent me as the host, and lavenders for bridging me to you and your person. Also it is to wish for good luck and blessings, for perhaps the next interaction with the person.”

This time, both their eyes meet.  Kyungsoo then takes this as a way to express his gratitude too, standing up to do a ninety-degree Northern bow, the one they do as a deep express of thankfulness and respect for someone. He gives the prince that gesture back, showing that he is grateful for this little breather especially the view and the sea.

“You're so formal. No need to be so formal with me. B- bu -but you're welcome. Anytime.” Sehun averts his gaze again to fixate his eyes somewhere, which makes  Kyungsoo smile again at how nervous the other is the entire time. He laughs at the thought that the rigid, stoic-faced prince gets fidgety in these types of situations. Going less stubborn too, he notes.

“Where is the stubborn, rigid Prince I know?” he muses jokingly at the other, which returns a defensive, in-denial face. “Of course, I know how to receive visitors well.”

They fall back into another calming silence. 

He runs his hands through the pieces in the token he received. “Did you  make this?”

“Yes.” Sehun answers in a slow, shy hushed tone. If it not for the proximity of them sitting on the picnic mat, he wouldn’t have heard him over the sound of the waves. Much more sense the hesitance to answer out loud. “I stringed them together after preserving them through borax and cornmeal.”

“Amazing, you know how to make these things.” He seriously didn’t take Sehun as the one who makes customized crafts, especially for simple kingdom traditions such as these. Usually royals wouldn’t spend so much time for tokens that can be premade by their staff or trusted servants, since visitors in a palace can be quite a lot. If indeed this is a token for visitors, as per the West’s customs.

“How’s the bush?” the question startles him, then forming a thin smile on his lips. 

“I transferred them to the space near the patio in the garden.” 

“That one where we did the project last time?”

“Yes. Near it exactly. I had some of my gardeners clear out the space for me.”

“So, you do gardening?” he turns to the inquiry, staring at Sehun’s curious face. He doesn’t know why the inquiry is getting him off guard. He attributes it to being asked something quite personal and dear to his person. He never shares deeper stuff about himself to anyone that easily.

Should he even?

Or not?

“Yes. You can say that.” he responds, despite the inner dilemma at such small question. The one who asked hummed in response. “Your garden is elegant. Well maintained. Never thought a royal can do stuff like that on their own accord.”

“You can't? You have that royal garden in the front of the castle.”  Kyungsoo is bewildered at such statement, especially at the obvious resigned tone in it. 

“Nope. Not something a royal should busy himself at.”

He takes the sentence in silence. That makes him wonder again about the traditions upheld in this very kingdom.

“But I am very glad to know you kept it, the bush. Not let it wither." He sees Sehun smile a timid one, collecting sand on his hands and pours them back down a couple of times. "They need considerable amount of water. But not too much as well.”

* * *

Pressing the buttons of the calculator on the desk,  Kyungsoo is catching up on his missed classes and exercises for his last absence. It is a self-study hour in university, to which he spent the whole time practicing the problems on his textbook. Finance, something he thinks that’s hard but fascinating.

Zoning out for a whole thirty minutes, he continues to focus on his work. But just as he is about to continue, the professor suddenly clears his throat in front of the class.

“Sorry to interrupt. Today, I will be introducing another newly admitted student. He will be joining us despite being late for considerable months, but he will catch the missed lessons and classes on his own by the weekends.” the professor turns to the door, signaling the  presumably new student.

But just as when the said person comes in, dread and nerves fill him. He suddenly feels the air thin out within his space.

“Hello everyone. I am Prince Kim Jongin.” the newbie says in front of everybody, shyly.

“from the Solis Ortus kingdom.”


	11. Familiar and foreign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has his reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guysss ^^ here is a new update. I hope you all enjoyyyy. I might be able to update way faster than i did in the past months hhhhhhh i think i might be able to pitch the next chapter in a few days. Watch out for that ;)
> 
> also as always, thank you for reading. tell me what you think ^^

Fog. Quick sand. Stand still. It’s like an ice-cold bucket of water was poured onto his head, shocking him greatly. Then followed by a thick layer of fog, blurring his clearer line of vision; only to be walking straight into a quick sand. Dragging him and his whole being all the way down, no way back up. Just that this time, the dragging seemed to have stopped and he is here stuck in the abyss of what seemed to be delirium.

He thought it's going to get better at least, get more easier day by day. He thought he had succeeded and such will continue until he does get over everything. He really thought it was getting well than it ever did; it was indeed, moving on that is. But of course, the fate was never in his royal favor.

And so, Kyungsoo sees the new student scrambling to sit in front of Sehun’s chair. Shy and timid, normal for a newbie but all bright and shiny. Vibe which confuses him. All too familiar and yet all too foreign. He continues to stare at his side profile. His hair is still the same light brown he remembers, the sunshine from the window still manages to make it more golden. He remembers how he glows like the beautiful sun-kissed tan he was. Of course, he resembles the aura of the sun; the gracefulness of a sunrise. How could've he not thought of it from the beginning? How could've Kyungsoo not pieced it out together, he doesn’t really know.

Reproaching himself for his adeptness of being clueless, he swirls his pen crazily on the paper sitting on top of his own desk. He doesn’t feel like listening to the starting lecture at all.

-xxxxxx-

Recess happened and Chanyeol took him to the usual kiosk they go to in break times. He has to do something to make use of the time, perhaps the sitting assignments that needs to be submitted tomorrow. His best friend keeps mumbling on something he has been working on, but Kyungsoo's mind is all mushy as he suddenly sees Jongin within his view. Walking, smiling while talking to one of the princesses in their class.

He gulps down a heavy pit of his agitation and decides to just open his materials and start doing stuff.

“Are you okay, Soo?” Chanyeol must've noticed him not paying attention enough.

“I am okay, Yeol. Just weirdly on edge. Maybe because of the headache.” he smiles uncomfortably and presses the bridge of his nose, to further accessorize his act.

_‘He doesn’t have to know anything about it.’_

“Are you sure? Perhaps you're hungry? Did you eat breakfast or do you want some snacks? I'll buy you something if you want? You need medicine for that headache.”

“Maybe I just need coffee. But I can buy it myself.” he proceeds to stand, only to be stopped by his best friend's hand.

“No, it's okay. I’d buy it for you. My treat. I am hungry and itching to buy snacks anyways. Be right back.”

Chanyeol leaves to scurry to the university canteen; Kyungsoo decides to continue pretending to focus and know what he was doing. Only such attempt is interrupted by a laugh he knew too well. _‘_

 _Not today Kyungsoo. No more. Not today.’_ He takes his headphones out, deciding to drown the obvious flirty laughs he has heard.

If he has to work, he needs to be able to tune out everything, even his own erratic heartbeat.

But he can't help but wonder just how easy it was for him to laugh like that, carelessly. To sound the same as he would've laughed at Kyungsoo’s dilemmas. He wonders just how easy it was for him to act cool and pretend he doesn’t remember a single thing when their eyes met a few hours ago, before Jongin sat on his seat. He wonders just how his voice and high-pitched laughs sounded way too similar when he did, back when the younger manages to laugh at his own stupid antics.

But then within that familiarity, there laced the unusual. He sounds way too flirty; too flirty of a laugh for Kyungsoo to even fully swallow.

_‘Gone cockier. Must be a tactic.’_

He sighs and tries to write a single sentence. Just to get through the business plan for his entrepreneurship project.

* * *

He sees the petite frame he was looking for, scrambling for over ten minutes after the recess cue rang.

“Kyungsoo, there you are.” The Borealian prince removes his headphones and looks at Sehun, wearing the usual asking question.

Except his eyes; they're as empty as he has seen them. He was taken aback.

“Are you okay?” he manages to ask in a concerned whisper.

“I am fine, Sehun. What seems to be the matter?”

“Nothing...w-wa-was just wondering if you’d... never mind.” he stops himself from directly humiliating himself with his weird whim of an idea. He was actually going to ask the Northern prince if it's okay to sit with him while doing stuff. Which he thinks is the last straw for him to be called insane. He is losing all the grip, doing stupid stuff one after another.

 _‘He wouldn’t want to have me with him, of course. I am invading his precious privacy to study on his own.’_ he thinks, especially with the way those eyes scream a bad mood.

“By the way, I dont know but I was buying food and I remember you liking black coffee and so... I-i g-go-got you an americano. Closest thing to black they have there.” he places the beverage beside Kyungsoo’s books, laughing tensely. He wonders if he has bought the best choice. He knows the other loves to drink coffee but he doesn’t know if he loves anything else other than a hot black. He is nervous about screwing up.

Fortunately, Kyungsoo’s eyes lightened up for a split second looking at the thing, realizing he just bought him something. He feels weirdly happy as the prince grabs it and sips, with that small moment being a catalyst for his racing heart. He thinks he is a goddamn idiot of a fish out of water, so out of his element every single time. He thinks he is screwed over as a person by not being able to be better at anything, by being firm and not appearing like an idiot.

But even if he feels like he is failing in being firm, for once an unknown thing is making him feel things. Stuff he doesn’t fully know yet.

“Thank you, Prince Sehun. This is so thoughtful of you.”

And when he saw that small smile, he knows he is thoroughly fucked. He feels that gushing rush of a wind, again.

“You're welcome.” he returns the gesture, only to be interrupted by a sound of running.

“Kyungsoo, I bought you your coffee and some ca-”

Sehun turns to the voice, seeing it is Prince Chanyeol of Ignis, holding the same beverage he bought, two servings with a bag of presumably cake in it. He feels his whole being hardened; back to the regular pokerfaced being.

“Oh my god, how could I forget you also bought me food. Anyways this is Prince Sehun, Yeol. Sehun, this is Prince Chanyeol. I presume you both know each other by now?” Kyungsoo’s voice is so tender and sweet but it cannot be said the same for the weird state Sehun is in. It is an awkward situation.

Of course, he knows him. The all-known handsome prince from the fiery South who has all his charms swooning every single person around him. Every lady in the courts of kingdoms and every princess in their classes gush over him, on how he is possibly one of the most charming and excellent royals this region has. Sehun gets it, the prince is rightfully amazing in terms of charisma and work and he has to be called rightfully so. He is the only Ignis line to the throne after all, its expected of him. But he hates his vibe. He doesn’t like his vibe whenever he sees him. And apparently, the specific person’s eyes say the same; he surely doesn’t like seeing Sehun. Not only right now but every time their eyes meet in situations, which are mostly involving Kyungsoo.

Nevertheless, he stares right back and nods in greeting, which is also met by the Southern prince’s civil face extending his hand to him in greeting.

“Hello, Prince Sehun. It is certainly nice to have interacted with you finally outside your birthday party.” he is flashed by a well rehearsed smile in which he returns while shaking hands. He refuses to be intimidated by this person.

“Thank you for gracing my invite. Im sorry I haven't personally thanked you for coming. But I hope we’d be cordial with each other in the future. In other instances, of course.” he oddly feels nauseous with what he is saying. He doesn’t really fancy his vibe at all. But of course, politics and formality over anything else. He is another potential negotiation after all, and he is Kyungsoo’s best friend but that doesn’t mean he has to fully like him deep down.

“Anyways, if you all excuse me, I have yet to run to somewhere. Thank you, Prince Chanyeol. Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo nods and he walks away from the stuffy air of the scene with a sigh.

_‘_ _That was unwarranted at all.’_ he thought, thinking about how he would've got stucked with him being around, had he continued his stupid impulsive plan. Good thing he didn’t ask to have seated with Kyungsoo whole recess period, but at least he has finally met the best friend.

* * *

Tired, he flops down his bed, definitely feeling the weight of the whole day which had drained him fully. He stares at the ceiling, head feeling empty and yet also active with a trillion thoughts getting all mixed up. He can't make out what exactly he was thinking, because it feels all muddled like it was nothing and with the nagging emptiness this day forced him to embrace.

Kyungsoo decides to stand up, heading to his desk across the room. He finds himself getting an item he didn’t even know he was aiming for.

The day had definitely took a toll on him, making him operate detachedly; he is indeed going autopilot right now. He has gone into the third person perspective, watching his own body operate on his own without fully feeling himself do it.

He slams himself down again on the mattress, fiddling with the pattern of shells and lavenders on his hand. Scrambles through the loop at least four times, he weirdly gets grounded and exhales the breath that he has been holding; the token bracelet the Pacificae prince gave him is weirdly grounding him.

But as if on cue, he remembers the start of all this disconnection. The newbie, the returning character to this whole story.

The dilemma, the chaos, the comfort. The once peace that turned into a gray area of unknown mixture of possibly heavy feelings and desperation.

He runs his hand again through the loop and through his hair in frustration.

Just when there are suspicious things brewing in that side of the kingdom, he also appears. Just when Kyungsoo’s attention is very much needed about the matter at hand in Solis Ortus, Jongin appears to mess his head.

But much more hurt his heart all over again. Open the wound again. The wound that is thought to have been stitched well and was on the way to recovery, but was actually never closed up well.

A laceration that will always be painful, never fully healing. Much more now it's been reopened.

_‘Does he even remember me? Did he even think of me for one second?’_

* * *

Walking firmly outside of the car, he walks regally inside the castle. He feels the consciousness his mind is settling on every time he steps foot in this place. Maybe because he is still not used to it despite enough years already of being here. But alas, he continues to walk with dignity, as what is called of him as a fine, graceful royal. An unexpected position of a royal he never even thought of throughout his life.

He arrives finally at his own room and heads straight to the shower, like he always does after going out. With the water finally enveloping him in the tub, he runs through his damp hair and reviews the day that passed. His first day went well, he has not screwed things up with his nervousness. He thought he would do badly for a first day, but it went better than expected. Way more than better even.

He got to meet other people as well, made new friends. Mostly ladies but at least there’s that. They’re princesses too and who’s to say no for potential relations being made both politically and emotionally. Regardless of who it was, he was glad he made friends as soon as few hours into the whole thing.

Grabbing the loofa and pouring milk shower gel on it, he scrubs his skin softly, all while thinking of the new things and faces he has seen today. He gently continues to cleanse his body and savor the hint of vanilla from the shower gel.

A particular face suddenly comes into mind.

He sighs as he sets down the loofa, hanging it on the edge of the right side of the tub. And he plunges his whole face and body into the water, drowning the thought of that face for a moment.

The evident confusion, hurt, rage, shock, emptiness; all morphed into a pair of eyes that met his.

He has his reasons. He has his reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what do you think? ;)


	12. Still Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He realizes he is still dreaming. 
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> Child abuse, bullying, panic attacks. Possible traumatic/triggering parts.  
> Also prepare for a heavy and LONG chapter. And by long i meant its approaching 7k ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy and feel this chapter. A bit of TMI but i drew inspiration from Nickelback's song Far Away. If you listen to the song, it should fit most of this chapter ;)
> 
> As always thank you so much guys and let me know what you think of this update. Comment your thoughts away! every feedback is appreciated ^^

Prince  Jongin . He is Prince Kim Jongin. 

He turns the golden band on his left wrist  — a gold rose jewelry with sun emblems equally dispersed, with spaces between them  — which was made for him to exactly match something he was given as a child. It’s a family traditional jewelry, something him and his family have on all of their left wrists.

His father the King had the same band, but has the most intricately detailed emblem out of them all in the family, with all swirls in each of the rays of the said sun and different puzzle-like shapes inside the circle of the said symbol. His mother’s, had a certain femininity to her emblem, which was adorned to emulate a sunflower. His is more of a minimalist version, with a stick thin of an outline of the sun and with diagonal lines inside its circle, pointing to the northeast. Those recurring lines represent him, the only prince, who was blessed by the Eastern god to be born on a sunrise.

He looks at the glint the bracelet gives as the light from his car window shines on it delicately. Sometimes still feels this is all a dream, a thing he would surely wake up from in the morning. Sometimes he pinches himself at night, thinking it was all a good-to-be-true type of story conjured in his head, like he was insane. Sometimes it also feels like a nightmare. Overwhelming; something he wants to desperately get out from. 

He looks at the view his service car passes by; it is filled with acres of wheat. The highway leading to his new university is adorned with wheat farms, something their kingdom is full of, making their kingdom look more golden than it ever does. Its sometimes alternated with sunflower fields blossoming randomly on any unowned virgin land, but otherwise it’s a golden yellow piece of scenery. 

With the sight, he wonders if he should also feel golden. If he should feel thoroughly blissed as someone would be in his shoes. Should he be delighted; should his feelings be colored gold? Should he get over everything nagging him; should he be as bright as the sunlight rather than the hollow black that his feelings are? After all, he is blessed. He should be feeling wondrous, right?

“Lord Kim Jongin, we’d be there in less than a minute,” his driver announces. He quietly nods to him, knowing his chauffeur will see it. He starts savoring the last minute that he will get his temporary silence, before today’s showtime comes.

He finally arrives. Nervous and yet also numb as ever. He goes through the usual hours of soaking in different information he needs to know, this time the tour he is given as a new student. Of course, he is expected to get familiarized as soon as possible especially he is the late comer. But his thoughts and body are voluntarily just not there. His hands are shaking with agitation but overall, he feels hollow. Feels nothing but hollow. 

_ This whole being is empty after all. _

Library, cafeteria, teachers’ lounge. Archery grounds, sports field, gardens. He is registering every place loosely. Maybe he will hang out in the gardens; the view of the flowers looks nice.

Next thing he knows, he is transported to this large door that leads to his mainstay in this campus; his classroom for possibly the whole year. Everything started to motion through a blur. He stands, the professor talks. He hears garbled noises, not making sense of a single word. Then he mechanically, yet nervously introduces himself. 

Kim  Jongin . 

_ Prince Kim  _ _ Jongin _ _. Solis  _ _ Ortus _ _.  _

Not fully registering his own words and just blurts out the basic descriptors of his being, something he has practiced on his head whenever he is asked to introduce himself, he deduces he is being asked to sit down finally. He makes it through the rows filled with a bunch of girls, probably princesses  — flirting and batting eyes on him. He smiles back, gleefully as he can muster. Hoping it came across as a bright charismatic smile.

He tries to sit but before doing so, he suddenly feels something.

A pair of eyes. 

_ Shock. _

_ Confusion.  _

_ Hurt.  _

_ Rage.  _

_ Emptiness.  _

_ Then questions. _

The gentle, rounded eyes met his. And he scrambles to take a seat, before everything falls apart.

Before a tidal wave crash his whole soul into pieces. Again.

So, he pretends. They didn’t exist. It didn’t happen; what he saw were not real. Those were all illusions. Fragments of his imagination. 

Those two pairs of eyes.  _ Hazy. _ Fragment of his imagination. Just imagination.  _ He breathes in, and exhales deeply. _ He turns his attention to the first lecture of his day. Guilt.  _ Takes in air, breathes in, breathes out.  _ Two hurt, glassy eyes. B _ reathes in, breathes out again. _ Confusion.  _ Hazy. _ B _ reathes in, breathes out.  _

He takes his pen and paper out and pretends to jot down any possible reminders he can grasp on. As if he  isnt half listening. As if his mind is all focused when all he can hear is his frantic breathing. As if he  isnt on the verge of panicking.

_ ‘It's just something I read in a painful fictional book somewhere; just that.’ _

And if he has to pretend that he forgets everything just to not fall apart, then so be it.

Kim Jongin. 

He has been nothing but Crowned Prince of Solis Ortus all this time. 

Nothing else.

-xxxxxx-

Girls. He is surrounded by pretty girls.

Bunch of princesses envelop him as soon as he arrives and leaves the classroom. Even when he stands in front of the academy waiting for his service, he is accompanied by women. They're dashing, beautiful and regal. And who is he to reject gorgeous  ladies who provide lovely company and free avenue for kingdom  ties?

And so, he spends most of his breaks and times on campus on talking with the other royals. Whole list of princesses that maybe, just maybe be giving him his dose of happiness. After all, his parents did  prepare him to be the line to the throne who is bound to marry someone within the royal circle for continuity.

Feeding himself with this constant convenient company, he eventually gets the hang of his academy life within a week. Laughter, thrill, chill. A little bit of studying and catching up on lessons, another entertaining hour talking and pure glee of connections. What can he ask for? New life, new friends, new environment. A place where he is regarded well. This is all enough. At least for the present. He gets to even ask them to teach him as well, which is a jackpot of free package.

Maybe he indeed has his charms in him and that’ll bring him all he needs. Who cares about anything else, anything that has weighed on him? Who cares if he was the previous awkward teenager who loved taking dance lessons? Who cares if he was the nobody? Who cares if he is still wounded by all his past traumas? Who cares if he is kind of angry with the world that played on him for so long? He is, after all, actually a somebody. He is somebody now.  ** He was meant to be somebody ** . 

Painful past? Heavy heart and cold soul? Who cares? He surely doesn’t now. He has adopted well these past few years in his destined life. They can all be soon forgotten. They shouldn’t haunt him and his feelings anymore. No heavy residue. He should be fine.  ** He is fine. **

Princess Natalie of Selene Kingdom pours him his second cup of the chamomile tea. He sips on it and puts the tea cup down, winking and smirking at the assigned hostess for the day. Earning a charmed giggle, he laughs in satisfaction and continues the assignment he has been working on. 

“You really have to tone down your flirting tactics lad,” she quips in fake annoyance. 

“Direct it to me then,” Princess Georgia of Oceania jokes, flirting on him, which earned a gentle smack from the first princess. 

“Keep it down ladies, I am focusing,” he intentionally beams at everyone apologetically and charmingly, who just further heightened their faux exasperation. Some sighing like they’ve been thoroughly charmed. At this point, he knows he is charming. 

“Oh please, you're never sorry for your games fellow,” they all roll their eyes on him and he smirks. They then continued their respective businesses. 

“I swear you make the nicest tea, Lady Natalie. Just how you do it differently from the teas  I've drank, I will never know. Did you perhaps put some potions in these things?” 

“A love potion in hopes Prince...I mean Lord  Jongin would notice me? I can only wish. I have yet to consult our palace’s people if there’s some enchanting I can use,” he laughs at just how the princess goes with his antics. “I swear dear prince, your kingdom is just too full of these formalities. Lord, Lady. Why can't we just call you  Jongin , or some weird nickname?”

“Nah. You all should get accustomed to how you're all  gonna address us people in my kingdom. After all, you all are invited this weekend. Less risk of you all making a mistake. Consider an interkingdom political lesson from me darlings.” he winks at them again, earning another chorus of swooning. 

He continues to sip his tea and looking at the set of words he has on the essay that he has been working on. 

“I can't wait to see you in the event, Lord  Jongin . I am sure you would look rather dashing,” one of the new  additions to his princess friends batted her eyes on him. 

“I am sure you would love it, my dear.” he replies, kissing her hand.

Being done with his tasks, he decides to bid them farewell and use the time to lurk around the campus. After all, he has to get used to the place yet.  Plus, some alone time to breathe. 

He heads straight to the gardens from the big kiosk they had gathered, feeling the different atmosphere quickly as he stepped out of the place. Its filled with different kinds of flowers beautifully and carefully arranged into mini bushes, garden walls and some into this free-flowing view. He basks in it and decides the view he is seeing is his favorite portion of the garden, filled with roses, tulips and lavenders. This specific part of the garden has a certain peace to it, especially the lavenders accentuating the white roses and pink tulips very well. He smiles as the breeze gently blows on his face. It really makes him feel calm. The place is indeed calming which makes him  wanna lower his usual walls and necessary defenses, or maybe because of the effects of the chamomile tea.

Seeing a patch of Bermuda grass under a shady tree, perfect to sit on for the remaining 30 minutes of his full hour break time, he decides maybe he can take a few minutes to lay down and have his fill. Just as he was about to lay down, he hears laughter. 

A familiar laughter. 

He stands up and peeps through the wall of camelias in front of his place, seeing the one who he did expected to see. Would it be also weird if this person, at the same time, is the least he wants to see? 

He sees him, a figure he remembers all too well, laughing his whole heart shaped lips on someone other than himself. The fiery prince who seemed to have accompanied him everywhere he goes.  Jongin looks at those pair of eyes, subtly lighting up with the scrunched nose that usually comes out when he laughs or is genuinely amused. 

He searches for something else. He stares at the way his mouth moves while talking, saying something that might have also meant to be a joke as both of the princes have filled the place with laughter. For what exactly, Jongin is too lost to even decipher. All he knows is he hasn’t changed much. Same height, same soft rosy lips, same smile. Same soft but radiant and regal aura that he has always seen in him. He hasn’t changed, except that his smiles actually don’t quite reach his eyes. 

Somber eyes. Lonely eyes. 

He  must've imagined things. He sits again on the grass, his back leaning on the tree. Sighing, letting out a breath to soothe his heavy chest. A heavy exhale of a breath he didn’t even realized he was holding.

He doesn’t want to remember. He doesn’t  wanna feel guilty. All this weird guilt as if he has done something wrong,  ** is doing something wrong ** . All the associated pain with him, on the years that happened while being with the said person. In that timeline of hurt, trauma, confusion, and inexistent self-esteem, but also the mixture of happiness, sense of security that he found in him. Would it be weird to say he still longs for him and yet also despises him for making it harder for him? He thinks he has made it harder for him too.

Maybe they fed lies to him. Maybe his household now has fed lies to him. But they're not pleased, they were never pleased with that kingdom. Much worse now he has arrived. That he came back, that he was finally found.

Maybe he is just conflicted; maybe he has confused their family to have been involved in this. Maybe because the north and the east were never really friends. Maybe he is confused because it had been sort of a home to him too. He remembers nothing vividly but that place. He remembers everything that was chaos, not warmth from that one place. And yet all he knows all his life is that he is from the land of the lavenders. It’s a place where he didn’t have everything lovely but also everything he has known. He has associated everything he knows with that place, having grown up there. 

To have experienced things, to have laughed, to have danced in that field of lavender flowers. To have felt a temporary sense of peace, to have felt his first kiss, to have fallen in love, to have sung his heart out. To have hold hands with someone who gave him his first warmth, to have anticipated the sun rising and setting with a person. To have first promised forever. 

But also, the place which hold all his traumas, all his worries, all his shame and all of his worst experiences. A place which had robbed him of his supposed life, of being recognized for who he is, of some of his former wishes. 

* * *

_ All he understands is that he is nervous. Very nervous. And shaky. He holds the broom up and continues to sweep the floor. He thinks that this time they’d take pity on him, if he does his job well. At least one of his jobs. _

_ He doesn’t remember much; all he knows is that they're going to come back and beat him up if he doesn’t take home enough money. They will leave him dinnerless had he not give them earnings as they deem enough for the day. _

_ He continues to sweep all the dust he sees on the pavement. He has asked the public park’s sweeper if they can pitch him in for this temporary job. After this, it will be dusk soon. He has to come home and hope that what he brings will be enough to not be beaten with his tired body.  _

_ The public sweeper taps him and tells him that he is done for the day. He nods, gets his wage and sits on the corner. ‘This should be enough now, right?’ A hundred gold pennies. He has never brought home a hundred. This should save him tonight. _

_ He starts walking home and sees a couple holding their little kid. He presumes the child is the same age as him. Still nine. But then the smiling face that is eating his cotton candy in this park tells him he is never hungry. That he is fulfilled, that he always satisfied. Well rested. Jongin can only wish he is well rested. But then resting more than a few hours would mean lesser money to give to them. _

_ “Only a hundred? You spent an entire day just to get a hundred?” the head master’s voice started to rise up. Anger. He senses he is in trouble again.  _

_ “B-bu-but they're golden pennies sir. They-they sh-should be higher t-than my silver pennies y-yes-yester-terday.” he tries to reason out in a shaking voice. He should be able to have dinner, right? Golden pennies are far higher than silver ones, right? He couldn't have been wrong with the values, right?  _

_ “You really love being beaten up, do you?” the phrase makes him shake more, as he sees one of the lower confidants of the head batting their heavy wood sticks lightly on their hands. Dizzy;  _ _ Jongin _ _ feels light headed. All he wants is rest, no beatings and a good dinner. But he has screwed up again. As he always does. He envies the other children who got their dinners even over a few silver pennies. He still doesn’t know how could possibly his be lesser in value than theirs.  _

_ “Please s- _ _ si _ _ -sir. Can I at least have a dinner tonight?” Tears start to stream down his cheeks. He is hoping they’d have mercy on him, just this once. He should bring in more money. He should be able to bring in more money like the other kids. Even if he has to work for it well, unlike the usual norm of stealing. _

_ “Do you really think you can get away with pleas? No pleas for things you hadn't done well. Now kneel.”  _

_ Jongin _ _ freezes as more tears drop across his face. “I said kneel! Do you  _ _ wanna _ _ take more beatings you fucking moron?” _

_ Hazy. His mind turns hazy. And all he feels is the steady amount of pain that hits his body again. The first hit for the night that landed on his back. _

_ “Count  _ _ you _ _ useless motherfucker. Count!” _

_ He forces himself to count.  _

_ One. Two. And a third. And another. Like he always does, what he can only do. Like he always is asked to do every night before bed.  _

_ - _ _ xxxxxx _ _ - _

_ He doesn’t know what could he have possibly done wrong in the past life. If past lives were even real. He doesn’t know what could possibly brought him to these people who have not cared for him, not even once. He realizes he doesn’t even know who they are exactly. Not even a single name, not even a single face is exposed to him. All he knows is the nicknames he has made to classify them. There's the head and the rest are just followers who beat the kids up or bring dinner if someone satisfies them. They then leave when they had their fill of money and leave it to the five ladies who he assumes were the care takers of this warehouse. He doesn’t know their names either. All he knows is that they're the ones reporting which kids have escaped.  _

_ He tried escaping once, but he was turned in by another kid. The oldest kid in the group who gets more food for ditching the people who think they can escape this hell pit. He was always the one who also tricks people, along with his gang, to get the money of other kids. He is their favorite; he gives them enough money from stealing and tricking people. But  _ _ Jongin _ _ never wanted that. He just wants to get through this in his own way. Not by stealing. And by the time he does find a way, make a run for it. He just needs to know how and when exactly. To execute it perfectly. _

_ And yet for every day he has chosen to work as well as he could, he gets all the possible beatings one can get. When he also tried escaping, all he remembers is how to not even try again. They will still be able to find him and give him the best beating in this flock. He still remembers fully well just how they made his  _ _ whole body _ _ sore, with broken bones and lots of open wounds that kept him laying for a whole week.  _

_ Flinching because of the sting of his newly beaten thighs, he looks at the new wounds forming on his hands, blood evident on them. Using one of his old clothes, he tends to them, removes the dirt and finally wraps them up to heal. He starts to cry again, wondering just how he deserved this. He suddenly remembers the family he saw on the way home in the park; they were happy, healthy. The kid was healthy. Most of all the kid was happy, having the time of his life with his cotton candy. A scene that Jongin will probably never have for the rest of his life. _

_ Where were his parents? Was he trash to be left in this situation? Was he unwanted? Was he ugly? Was he useless for them to have left him these easily to these monsters? Did he deserve this nightmare? Did he deserve to experience all this? _

_ Maybe he was sold off to them; or maybe they did not want him.  _

_ Maybe he was indeed ugly.  _

_ Maybe he indeed deserved this.  _

_ He tries to find the new perfect position for him to finally sleep for the night. It always gets harder to find the perfect position every time he gets his entire body sore. It also keeps him fully awake most of the night, which does not help him at all the next day. He always gets hazy and disoriented every next day of a sleepless, crying night. _

_ Closing his eyes, attempting to forget it all even for a bit, he tries to get some shut eye. But  _ _ instead, _ _ he hears his name being called. In a hushed tone. _

_ “Jongin.”  _

_ He looks at the dark. Its past the night now and  _ _ everything _ _ is dark as there are no lights in the warehouse every bed time.  _

_ “ _ _ Jongin _ _.”  _

_ He finally sees the faint figure in the dark. It is one of the lady caretakers.  _

_ W _ _ hat trouble has he done this time? God forbid he  _ _ isn't _ _ called to be scolded again.  _

_ One. Two. Three. He breathes in and breathes out. One. Two. Three. Another set of inhales and exhales. He doesn’t make out what was said to him. All he knows is his body is tensing up. In the cold of the night. In great fear. He is probably dying. _

_ He suddenly feels a caress behind his back. “It's okay. You're okay. I'm not harming you.” he tries to fight the bubbling panic as he makes out the hushed chant the lady is telling him. To calm down. To not worry. Since when was he given the scenario where he hasn’t had to worry?  _

_ “I am helping you get out.” _

__

_ - _ _ xxxxxx _ _ - _

_ Cold porridge. He got on to the dining room too late. Well, better than nothing for breakfast.  _

_ He tries to scoop up more of the food as he tries to catch up in time. He will be very late soon for his last day of first week. School. Her new mother insists he needs to attend school. _

_ Trying to get comfortable in this new place of a ‘home’, he continues eyeing the furniture and the way they are arranged in the house. His new family has tidied their house very well. He should also be able to settle in easier. The least he can do for welcoming him well so far. _

_ It's been two weeks since he was adopted from the orphanage. Two months since he attempted again to escape the warehouse, and from the first time his attempt had succeeded. The lady that coaxed him out in the night helped him. He remembers very well just how scared he was while running in the middle of the night to the place she instructed him to go. He remembers very well how he waited for the dawn, frantically awake at the front of the gate of the small orphanage, worrying he’d be caught and tortured again in the morning before they took him in. He remembers his cry in relief when the nun had managed to do her morning walk as early as 5:30 in the morning, finding him and shielding him in.  _

_ He remembers how he spent those past two months trying to hide every day in his room, afraid that the moment he comes out they’d be back again to get him. He remembers just how hard everyone there tried to make him talk; he doesn’t even know why they have to coax him details when that in itself might have brought him danger. He remembers how he lived on edge every single day, trying to decipher if it was even a real orphanage or another child labor facility, trying to get his trust only to beat him up any minute. Not until everything blurred in his memory and the next thing he knows he is here, being took in graciously in someone’s home. _

_ Scooping the last of his porridge, he smiles and mouths a soft thank you as he heads to his shoes and ties them up for school. Hazily going through the day, he finds himself sitting on the back seat of his new family’s car, on the way to school. _

_ He finds his seat in the room, at the last row in the corner near the window. In that way no one will try and coax him being talkative. Getting him to talk about things. He doesn’t  _ _ wanna _ _ talk; he has nothing to talk about. He wonders why people  _ _ don't _ _ get that. Especially the kids and the nuns in the orphanage. _

_ School though is no different than when he was in the warehouse. Yes, he has a family taking care of him now but still the same scenario where a group of tougher, bigger people beating you out. Stealing your lunch and things, spreading rumors about you and getting your head dunked and banged in the toilets. Just because you won't talk, and you're a “freak who has weird scars on his legs” in their eyes. _

_ Nothing had changed. Except the ones torturing you every single day have faces this time.  _

_ Handsome faces.  _

_ -xxxxxx- _

_ One, two, three, four.  _

_ He tries to remember the steps being taught just now and of course; his body is stiff as hell. For the life of him, he can't seem to get it right. Maybe that’s the sign that dancing, as a whole and as a concept, is the most useless and stupid thing ever made.  _

_ He doesn’t  _ _ wanna _ _ dance for a project. Especially a group project. He wouldn’t have gone annoyed much more if it had been an individual one, but then even that is an embarrassment in itself, when one has a body as stiff and uncoordinated as his.  _

_ One, two, three, four.  _

_ He still tries to copy but all he managed to do is the last four counts and the music ends. ‘Screw, physical education. Why do we even need to dance? I’d take written exams over this any day.’ _

_ “Now, use the remaining hour to plan with your respective groups for the project. Remember you all need to assemble a whole two-minute performance this coming Friday.” _

_ Jongin _ _ huffs in frustration. How is he supposed to remember all of that, much more learn well and make his body cooperate in such a short period? _

_ “Do you need help?” _

_ He looks over to whom has poked his sides. It’s the shortie who everyone in high school knows very well. Kyungsoo. His Royal Highness Prince Do Kyungsoo of Magnus Borealis. The fancy  _ _ kid _ _.  _

_ Just how this fancy kid wants to be in one space with him, the known school weirdo, he doesn’t know. But he manages to nod. Hesitantly. _

_ “It’s okay. I'm only here to help you.” he must've seen the obvious agitation he has for the situation. He wants to refuse but if this soothing voice wants to help, then he  _ _ supposes _ _ it wouldn’t kill the royal who offered to help the weirdo himself. _

_ Hours have passed and he must say the prince lives up to the people’s expectations. Not only is he smart but he knows how to dance. He is perfect, as people often say about him.  _ _ Jongin _ _ has managed to have learned better in this unexpected one-on-one than any of his teacher’s collective dance classes.  _

_ “I tell you you’d do well,” the other smiled in satisfaction when he got everything better than he did. But  _ _ Jongin _ _ couldn’t focus on the compliment when he still feels stuffy. And awkward. _

_ “Thank you, your highness,” he says in a hushed tone, looking down. “Hope you aren't weirded out.” _

_ “No, I'm not. It's my pleasure and happiness to have helped you.” From what  _ _ Jongin _ _ remembers, this is the first time someone has given him those kinds of eyes. _

_ Sincere. Happy. He has never seen such eyes that looked at him sincerely. And meaning what they say. _

_ “You are not a weirdo. Don’t believe what they say. No one should subject you to those things. You are not what they make you feel. I hope you wouldn’t mind them.”  _

_ This is the strangest day  _ _ Jongin _ _ has ever had. But he is not complaining. It is actually nice to be told wonderful for once. Even if it was fake. Perhaps it was fake. _

_ “You are a beautiful human being. Don’t let people make you think otherwise.” _

_ “Also, Kyungsoo. Just call me  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _.” _

_ - _ _ xxxxxx _ _ - _

_ Kisses. He doesn’t know where he learned how to, but he finds himself taking the reins in his first ever kiss. Under the shady tree of the unkept garden at the back of the unused mini hut in the high school. _

_ And no one knows, but the two of them. Him and  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _. Him and the prince himself.  _

_ He doesn’t know how he got here but somehow; his feelings got to him. He doesn’t  _ _ wanna _ _ wait anymore, he doesn’t  _ _ wanna _ _ waste time keeping his feelings a secret from him; and good thing that the feeling is mutual. _

_ He feels for the first time the right amount of enticing heat another person feels in his arms. The feeling of another’s arms wrapped on his neck, the feeling of happiness of being kissed back. The feeling of contentment his feelings are reciprocated. That he is loved, adored and heard. That he is safe here in their hide out, with him. Not judged, not tortured, not hurt, not left behind. Just happy, teary, calm, soothing. Joyous. The most soothing feeling he has ever had.  _

_ Ever since he helped him with his dances and accompanied him, they developed their own friendship. A different kind. One socially unaccepted and one highly watched person. He doesn’t even know or understand just what drawn  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ to him, to keep him as friend. At first, he thought maybe because he only pitied him. Or that he thinks helping a charity case would be good all the more for his royal image. But he was proven wrong. Seeing how beautiful and ethereal of a person  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ really is. How he is more than just a royal, more than just a fancy person, more than just the highly sought out person in this campus that  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ actually hates being. _

_ He stops to catch his  _ _ breath _ _ and looks at his eyes, those dark orbs that he fell in love with. He looks for the uncertainty and the possible deceit he has been overthinking around his head, but instead he finds what he thinks was unbelievable.  _

_ Love.  _

_ He actually loves him too.  _

_ “You smell nice.”  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ laughs at what he has managed to say. Heck, he really  _ _ can't _ _ bring himself to get the words out.  _

_ “I know,  _ _ Jongin _ _. I will be yours. I am yours.”  _

_ Jongin _ _ smiles genuinely, for the first time in his life and kisses him again.  _

_ And again. Losing track of time.  _

_ - _ _ xxxxxx _ _ - _

_ His last year. Last year in middle school before seniors.  _

_ But of course, nothing has changed. He will never show up. _

_ Jongin _ _ is sitting in this hiding spot now for a whole hour, waiting for him. But of course, he knows how this will end. He gets the usual apologies and excuses on why he hasn’t appeared, on why he doesn’t make an effort to be here or to see him much these past few years. Rarely has he spent time with him nowadays, so how is it different this time?  _

_ He says that he is enough, that  _ _ Jongin _ _ himself is enough. But he never feels he is enough, as he is always left to understand and to wait at whatever things  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ has to do or to avoid. The prince can even make him feel inadequate; maybe he indeed is, as he reasons him out as to why they shouldn’t be always seen with each other. As to why  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ cannot tell his family enough to convince them that he is dating him. As to why  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ just let things go silent, not addressing them and pretending they are both well.  _

_ He feels he is avoiding him purposefully. He feels he doesn’t care about him anymore. And yet he still tries to understand. Putting past all his emotions in favor of giving the benefit of the doubt. Cause he is the one with no royal duties, the nobody in this relationship. He used to think they’re both in this together, in this forever thing. But turns out  _ _ Jongin _ _ was only the one who is invested in fighting for it, even if it's hard. Even if he is slandered for being rumored to be the prince’s boyfriend, even if he is being bullied again and harshly for it. Cause he is not deemed worthy to be even rumored with the prince. _

_ Also _ _ the royal family doesn’t deem him worthy, the King telling  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ to stay away from him. He is willing to compromise and pull this through but he has had enough of  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ conveniently sweeping things under the rug, all in the guise of ‘busy, tired, no time, we are fine.’ He is not fine especially not at the way  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ is not appearing for their anniversary too.  _

_ He slams the bouquet of roses he made for the occasion, thrashes his already aching heart along with it. It feels awful. He feels awful. He never thought they’d reach this point. Perhaps it's better to leave now. _

_ “Wait!” _

_ Looking towards the sound, he looks at  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ breathing heavily from running. “I am here now Jongin, I am here.” the prince gestures to hug  _ _ Jongin _ _ , but he swats his reaching hands.  _

_ “Please, I am sorry. I tried to sneak out, I really tried. It’s okay now. I am here now.” _

_ “You don’t get to tell me what is okay! I am not okay! This is not okay!” he yells what he is meaning to say from his shattering heart. “just when will you pretend that we are all fine? That we are not falling apart?? Just when till I have to pretend; that I am not aching?” _

_ “I am here now  _ _ Jongin _ _. I tried to escape my guards for you. I tried to sneak out even when I'd be doomed every time! For you! How can you not see that? That it's hard for me? How do you doubt me so much when I've been trying..., God knows I’ve been trying so hard to reason out to father.” _

_ “So, you have no basis to say it’s okay! I am not okay, this relationship is drifting, we are not okay! You don’t have to soothe me every time just by saying it will be fine. Look where your ‘fine’ has taken us! Did it even improve?? In fact, it was worse than I remembered. What did we get from this relationship? What did you get? What did I get? Nothing but bullying, gossips, shaming. Hurt. I am not okay,  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _.”  _

_ Jongin _ _ wipes the tears that appeared on his cheeks, ones he never noticed until now. _

_ “I am not okay. I am not okay thinking you will leave me for good. I am not okay feeling shitty towards myself just why I am hurting over not understanding why can't we love freely. I am not okay just by the mere fact I am loving someone who I don’t even see or hear from that much anymore. I am not okay being subjected to scrutiny and malice just because I chose to be truthful of my love for you. I am scared that one day you will forget our promise, I am scared at just how much you have to face because of me! Because I am loving you. Because I am not a royal. Because I am not meant for you!” _

_ “I am scared that you will forget. I am scared for every single time that you ignore or not tell anything to me for days that I will lose you. I am scared that it will never work out. I am scared that they’d keep you away from me  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _. I am scared for my family. For you. For us.” _

_ “I am scared of losing you.” _

_ Silence has brewed between them. With tears in both of their eyes.  _

_ “I am not okay  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _. I am not okay at how this is heading.” _

_ He looks at the other, who also cries heavily while facing down. They are beyond okay. He is tired of sweeping it hidden. But then the hurtful part is what can they both even do? At the end of the day,  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _ will never be fully able to give up being royal. He will never be the one to live up to the standard for someone for  _ _ Kyungsoo _ _. He  _ _ isn't _ _ someone who is even a royal, enough to be even arranged marriage to him. He is not up to par, he is the weirdo, he is the nobody. He has always been the nobody. All his life he has always been nothing.  _

_ And maybe that’s why he has to give it up. They had to give it up. Maybe that’s the cue to not go against the tide and accept their fates. Maybe  _ _ it's _ _ time to give up forever. _

* * *

Biggest showtime so far as a royal has arrived for him. It is finally the day where the lost prince will be formally introduced to the public and to every kingdom. The long-lost heir has arrived. But  Jongin feels it will be a play he has to ace performing instead.

Two years and he should have been able to assimilate now. He should have been able to take it well. After all, this is his real identity, his real self. He is the royal young Lord of the  Ortus , but of course, he still feels everything but being a prince.

The young servants are now helping him with all his sashes and the finishing touches of his look for the day. He is wearing a formal royal uniform, something that resembles a soldier like one of those costumes they use in ancient royal plays. Except his uniform is mostly red and gold, with a stunning golden pin of his sun emblem.

His look is finally done. He then looks at the mirror. 

Prince Kim  Jongin . He is Prince Kim  Jongin of the East. And he has yet to present himself in this big celebratory party. Grand introduction party that is made just for him. On his very own birthday. The day he was lost in the festival. 

The day he was kidnapped by a group of Magnus bandits and held captive in probably the warehouse he was in as far as he remembers in his childhood. The reason why he faced hell. Because of the tensions that hadn't left the two kingdoms, even if a  Regalian treaty for peace was signed by everyone in the region. Which was also signed because of the impending war caused by their kingdom’s fights. 

They haven't told him everything yet and he is supposed to believe these are what happened to him as a child. But here he is both leaning and doubting it.

As he fixes his disheveled lapel, he wonders maybe this is the main root of why they were never meant to be. 

-xxxxxx-

“Presenting the only prince heir, in line to the throne, Solis  Ortus ’ Lord Kim Jongin.” 

Applause. Cheers. A bit of rejoicing screams. That’s all  Jongin hears as he walks down the big spiral stairs and feels all attention on him. He flashes his most comfortable and confident smile and looks over to his proud parents.

He should feel proud too. 

Blessed. Lucky. 

Golden. 

But he feels otherwise, as he sees those eyes. The same pair of eyes he loathes.

And yet still longs for. 

He realizes he is still dreaming. Even for a bit. Longing for that wish, for that forever.

He looks at those eyes again, familiar eyes that  hadnt really changed. Just making him hurt all over. 

A gush of wind. Time stopping.

He’s been far away for too long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guys, what do yall think?


	13. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fucked. He is definitely fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guysssss. I know I was aiming for a weekly update from the last chapter but huhuhu unfortunately i didnt managed to and the drafts was sitting for too long and when i got to edit and write the chapter further I became conflicted with my work myself AHHHH hahahaha is this normal to feel conflicted by your own story? 
> 
> But nevertheless the chapter is finally here! Do let me know what you think of this update and how you felt. Feedback is always appreciated. Hope you all enjoy this and would compensate for the lack of update for almost a month hhhhh id still try to update as soon as I could manage. 
> 
> As always thank you for reading this :") Im really grateful for every one of you.

Fucked. He is definitely fucked.

Kyungsoo tries to make his tie look as presentable as he can despite his shaking hands. Just how the fuck is he gonna face this day? Just how is he gonna survive this event? Just how is he going to push on further and act in a play for more than hours?

This is too much. He thinks the universe is punishing him too much. For what ever reason, he is not specifically aware of.

Ever since he saw him walk in his classroom that day; ever since he remembered how he looked like again, he cannot help but feel so torn and confused. He doesnt know what he is supposed to do, to feel or to even take.

Kyungsoo is at lost of everything.

Words. Solutions. Escape. Plans. Even actions. He suddenly doesnt know how to carry himself forward.

They say stressful situations happen because they teach you an important lesson. But in this case, he doesnt see the sense, how this circumstance could possibly give him a valuable lesson. He thinks the saying is total bullshit. It is just one of those cliche phrases people pull out to comfort others or to do damage control.

Maybe he is being too much but it never has worked for him. Perfect example? The party he is going to.

Certainly there is no lesson in the way that this is all unfolding. Not in the way Jongin has come back to make him feel nothing short of a ball of sadness, anger, loneliness, confusion, and numbness again all at once.

Frustration. He feels he is near the peak of desperation. Even craziness, if you can even count his feelings and thoughts edging towards crazy at this point

Guilty too. He weirdly feels guilty as well. And for what? For the life of him, he still cannot pinpoint. Maybe its because of what happened, of how they ended up before he never saw him again. Before the other left so suddenly. Maybe he feels guilty because he never even fully tried to find him; which to his credit would take him in the great heights of grounded from his own father.

Or maybe because he doubted him all along; he sort of defamed him in his own mind.

And yet, he still doesn't understand enough why he feels guilty and conflicted too himself.

Kyungsoo is still so lost. He still doesnt know what to make out of it. He told himself so many times different things to move forward, and yet even if he has indeed been better than the first week he found out he was gone, he still cannot take the hollow away. After all these years, he realizes he has never understood his own self regarding the matter, nor does he even fully know which emotions is he exactly feeling.

Its not a good place to be at, at all.

They can possibly never get back together. He is the only heir of Ortus. He would for sure go for a princess instead. No place for a meek second in line to the throne Kyungsoo. No place for a Borealian prince either.

He huffs and looks at his finished product; caressing the tie slowly downward. He laughs. He laughs at how the tables have kind of turned.

He is now the lesser half. At least technically, in an outsider’s eyes. He is now the unsuitable match.

He looks at his reflection in the mirror. He is ready for the event. And yet he cant help but notice

How pathetic he feels. Just how pathetic he looks.

Maybe its the universe’s way to get even. Maybe he indeed sinned so bad in his past life.

Maybe he is the one who is actually not meant for him.

-xxxxxx-

Chardonnay.

He puts the wine glass to his dry lips and sips. Then decides to gulp everything.

_‘What a joke.’_ Kyungsoo huffs silently as he finishes the whole serving. Its not enough for distraction, for the whole mess that he is. Weak even. Just why did their party coordinator chose chardonnay for this occasion? Weak choice of wine; certainly not what he needed.

“Ever since the Sun festival years ago, we have been empty shells. My wife and I. We have searched and searched and have gone desperate. Even almost gave up and concluded its a lost cause to find a missing son after more than 20 years.”

Kyungsoo looks at the Eastern King, speaking with a shaky voice which sounds like he is incredibly teary. Somehow, he feels bad they have to endure not having their son all those years. But then just how did Jongin arrived at his own kingdom? He has never known, but he is somehow itching to find out.

“But then as if the sun gods heard us, we found him. We suddenly got told that there is someone that couldve been our son. And never had I been the happiest person in the whole universe. Happiest I have ever been ever since. To have finally found my son. Our light.”

Applause covered the whole room. But he is distracted. Because all Kyungsoo can see is the young man peeping through the big red and gold curtain behind the royal couple on stage.

Slow motion. Everything went in slow motion.

“He is finally found. To all royal guests, friends, relatives and most importantly to our countrymen, presenting the only prince heir, in line to the throne...my one and only pride, Solis Ortus’ Lord Kim Jongin.”

The trumpets sounded and cued the young prince, who finally appeared and smiled radiantly, which was immediately met by the deepest curtsies and bows everyone can muster in the whole hall. But Kyungsoo couldnt be bothered; he felt stiff in his same position.

He feels his hand almost knocking out the wine glass he is holding.

All he can see is the man that is now walking down the big stair case. Looking regal and sophisticated. Formal.

Dashing.

Shining.

Then the glowing eyes.

Gentle but charismatic, hazel eyes.

The same glowing eyes that met his own when they first met. When Kyungsoo decided to help a young isolated and shy boy in his dancing at class. The same eyes that he saw when he took a risk for the first time; when he kissed a young lad in the light rain by the shady tree at high school.

The same eyes that met his, right now; in a split of a second.

He averts his gaze. He is not supposed to act mesmerized over the prince. He is not supposed to meet his eyes and instead act appropriately and do his own bow; which he failed seconds late.

He is not supposed to think, not even feel amused; as if nothing has changed.

That theyre still together, that they never broke apart. That they still know each other.

That they still are in love.

No, under the public's circumstances, even his own family's and kingdom's, they dont know each other. They have nothing but royals with peace related moves only. For god’s sake he has to quit being a whole fucking idiot.

He grips the wine glass stronger.

Wrong. He is far from in love. He had got over him and he should, given the circumstances.

**But has he really?**

Kyungsoo looks at him again; at Jongin who is nearly at the bottom of the long marble staircase. He looks so regal and knightly in his red and gold suit. Shining like a whole fairytale prince. He indeed is.

He now sees it. Jongin indeed is princely; was always princely. From the golden hair, to the sparkling sincere hazel eyes, to the way he carries himself. He has always been sunny and golden. Sweet as sunshine. As beautiful as the sunset. As serene as the morning’s sun rise.

But with that realization, everything became so unfathomable for Kyungsoo. The whole thing filled him with too many questions he cannot even answer through usual interkingdom political logic. Not even comforting of a sight in contrast to this event; not when his father told him tensions were brewing silently in this kingdom.

He decides to head to the food and drinks.

“What’s your strongest wine in the bunch?”

“Port, my Lord. It’s best suited with desserts too.” the butler in charge replies as he gestures to the line of cute desserts and pastries beside the drinks section.

“Sure. Hand me anything. But mostly the strongest wine.”

-xxxxxx-

“You alright?” he hears a teasing voice beside him. He feels a nudge a little later, probably late cause he is getting tipsy. Starting to. Faster than he thought he would be.

“Ah. Chanyeol, my dearest friend. Why wouldn't I be?” he smiles sweetly and grandly tosses upward his wine glass in the air, towards his best friend; which only earned him a confused look. Regardless, he swallowed the whole wine in the glass again in one go.

“Woah. Slow down, Soo. Just why are you drinking so much in an event? Its a risky move. You wouldn't want to be drunk in the middle nor even on the way home from here.”

He doesn't heed him. All he wants is his sweet wine.

“Come. Let’s dance instead.”

He looks at the sudden movement and warmth. Around his hand.

Chanyeol guided him to the dance floor, hands intertwined tightly with his right hand. Pulling him further.

Pulling Kyungsoo too, closer to him.

For whatever reason or maybe he is just too absent minded the whole time, he is surprised at the change of music for the ball. Slow. Sweet music.

Not that he is complaining really. What is there to complain? Chanyeol one of his comfort persons, warmth, music, distraction. Why wouldn't he? Plus he is too tipsy to care if it’s going to look like a whole getting to know slash date. Maybe he wants a date. Maybe he wants a warmer, home-like pair of hands resting on his hands and back. Maybe he can get on the marriage proposals at this point than internally whine over a stupid piece of jerk of a prince Ortus has.

And so, he puts his head on his shoulders. Resting them, as they sway along the sweet music. It feels nice. This whole set up feels nice. Leaning on Chanyeol in the middle of the dance floor as if its just the two of them feels nice. Or maybe he is starting to get more intoxicated. He doesnt quite pinpoint which is really which.

“You feel better? is this better?”

“Never better. I didn't know why I have never accepted you offering to dance,” Kyungsoo replies with a laugh. “Well to be fair, as if you have ever invited me to dance.” he looks at him accusingly.

Chanyeol laughs. Heartily.

Maybe way too heartily, that it suddenly clams up Kyungsoo.

“Well, maybe I’m starting to work on that. Like right now.”

They share a look at that. A long one.

“I hope you’re ready for more times being with me though. More than school work,” he hears his best friend’s voice getting closer. He feels weird all of a sudden, along with the vibration of his best friends voice.

Of the unexpected sweet words.

He suddenly felt different.

Or is it the alcohol in his system?

He stands up straighter again, this time removing his head from the Ignus prince’s shoulders.

“Did I said something wrong Soo?”

He looks at the taller prince, who just stared again at his own eyes; the usual eyes he sees. But a pair of eyes that changed his interpretation of what theyre conveying. Wearing an expression he has never realized. Not until now.

Maybe its indeed the wine. He is seeing things.

“I am fine. Thank you Yeol.” he whispers a reply while looking down, still continuing their mini swaying of a dance.

“Youre always welcome, Soo. Anytime.”

_Soo._

_Fuck_.

Not the way the nickname didnt help.

-xxxxxx-

He needs fresh air. He decides to go outside the gardens. Maybe he will get what he needs desperately right now.

He feels all the more stuffy. And of course, out of everything, heavily drunk. And yet it feels nice. Just that the things he’s been seeing or rather imagining are just too much. and so he laughs at his pathetic self.

But he cant help on focusing the way he held his own hand, warmly. And the way he held his back in the dance. The way he easily said with all emotion that he is improving things.

Damned. Kyungsoo is indeed so damned.

He knew now it was not the Ignus king who sent in the marriage proposals. It wasn't them.

It was Chanyeol himself.

He kicks his feet up in the air in exasperation; watches as his shoe flies forward away from him.

Pathetic. He knows he looks so pathetic right now. Much more in a fucking party. Just what was he exactly thinking?

But then he got what he wanted right? distraction from the bullshit he is dealing regarding Jongin and this damned situation between Borealis and Ortus. This fucking party that he couldn't have attended had he not been a fucking royal.

Screw that stupid prince. Screw this whole royal thing that he is, screw him having to marry; screw his responsibilities being the second in line. Screw Ortus. Heck screw everyone. He feels so annoyed and conflicted, just how is he going to figure all of this out? And yet he is also annoyed just how he gets so worked up with all these _small_ things.

These are easy right? He is just over reacting right? Or maybe he is just being dumb? That he doesn't know how to get out of this hole? Much more now he knows the thing now about Chanyeol. Its been a hell of conflicting to think about; even that alone.

Just how does he have to deal with two proposals now? Much more his supposed to be best friend is included? Worse, Jongin exists with the pit of a hole he has turned Kyungsoo into. And there's them, everyone expecting him to decide too; which is also convenient since he was the one who negotiated it with his father too. In attempts to keep things at bay. **As if** those can keep things at bay even. 

_'_ _Great work you have there Do Kyungsoo.'Screw you too._

He kicks his other foot, sending the remaining shoe forward too. Just beside its partner.

“Woah. You have a problem with your shoes mate?”

Kyungsoo suddenly freezes. He feels his heart beating harder like never before. More than you can beat a drum.

_Fuck._

That voice. He knows the voice.

And with that, he suddenly feels madder.

“Are you alright?” the person holds his arms to guide him from the grass he has sunk in, to which he swats away. And fast. Forcefully even. He just needs to get away from this annoying person.

“What the fuck do you want?” he slashes out his annoyance for the whole event. Heck, maybe for the whole years of pit of tangled feelings. Of emptiness, of every ting painful. From their relationship, from the shattered pieces of their last meeting; from the expectations of everyone that ruined them, from their expectations against each other too. From him leaving him without saying, from him showing up suddenly in his life when he was about to move on after years. From the frustration regarding himself too, on just why he is so hung up in this whole thing when he could not be had he tried harder.

“Woah. Slow down. I’m just helping you. You’re too drunk. Calm down.”

“Im not drunk. And even if I am it was never your business to begin with. Now fuck off.”

“No. I’m not leaving you here, not when you're drunk like that.” and that angered Kyungsoo more.

“I am not your concern anymore Jongin. Leave me the fuck alone. You had no business leaving me without explanations so get on with it. You don't know me, we don't know each other. We haven't met, we didn't met here; we cannot be fucking seen together. End of story.” he stumbles down as he took a step to get his shoes.

“Hey, hey. See you’re too drunk to even walk coherently. I will accompany you until you sober up a bit. Then I can ask someone to bring you home,” the prince oddly replies, coaxing him gently to stand up. “Come on, let’s sit by the bench.”

Kyungsoo complies this time and sits where he was led to. He doesn't take in the situation he is right now; he chooses not to. He is too overwhelmed to, angry and sad and frustrated all over again too. He is too mad to, he is too drunk to. He is drunk; yes, he is drunk and maybe he should believe he is just drunk that's why this is all happening so fast right before his eyes.

“Hey. Hey. Dont cry please. I will eventually leave. Just please. I am just trying to keep you safe. You cannot go out this drunk; not even because the other guests will see you. We cant make you lose face now, can we? Just settle down and I’d leave you be until someone comes to take you home.” Jongin panics as he starts to sob.

He just wants to go home. Preferably away, and alone. From anyone.

From him.

“I don't want to. I will leave myself if you cannot even give me that; I can manage myself.” Kyungsoo determinedly stands to walk away from him. He needs to get out or else he will suffocate further than he ever did the whole day.

And yet he feels a hand holding his elbows.

“Wait. I wanna talk. Is it okay?”

Should he? should he not? Kyungsoo doesn't know if he wants to. He wants to go away; he also wants to hear him. Even only this once.

And yet he also feels its in vain. Too late. Years too late.

And he does the opposite of leaving.

“What do you want?” he bitingly quips back.

Silence. They're suddenly enveloped with silence.

“I’m sorry. I am sorry.” the other prince replies shakenly. With shining eyes threatening to tear up in the moonlight. “I can explain myself if you want to, if you will ever grant me the chance. But not now, especially that you are far too drunk. We can-“

“I'm not too drunk. You can say whatever you want to say now. There’s nothing more to explain, isn't it? there’s nothing more to explain. You're the lost prince; somehow in some weird circumstance you ended up to be the one and only heir of a place that is the most unlikely we have ever thought of.”

“You went away. You have gone away; lost for several years. Without explanations. Nothing. Granted I am the worst boyfriend you’ve ever had and never deserved any follow up, even supported now that I turned out to be your rival of some sorts and funnily someone who will never be meant for you. Funny is'nt it? And maybe you will get now why I struggled to keep us together. On why I supposedly swept us 'under the rug into being faux okay'.”

He talks his thoughts before he can even understand what he is saying.

“We don't have to talk further. Nothing is to be talked about anyways. It has all been over. What’s left to talk about other than kingdom related stuff Your Highness?” he curtsies lazily, as much as his drunken state can manage. “Lord Kim Jongin, its nice to have finally met you.”

“Wait! Kyungsoo! Can we first just- We can meet in another time when you're not too drunk, we can meet at a café or something please grace me the-“

“No! Not now! Leave me alone! I am already too broken and conflicted; leave me be Jongin! Not now!” he doesn't know why but all he knows is that he needs to go home. He doesn't wanna talk about anything right now. Not about the past; not about the confusing turn of events, not about him and Jongin. What have been, what he doesn't know and doesn't wanna find out, what it could've been. If all this shit didn't happen.

He doesn't wanna remember the pain; he doesn't wanna go back. He doesn't wanna mull over the present too. And even the impending future that already looks dim.

He doesnt want the reality right now. He doesn't wanna live in fantasy either. If the fantasy and hope reignites again, like every time he sees those eyes again or even hear that sweet voice. Which is what he is avoiding right now.

He must have been crazy at this point, maybe unreasonable and overreacting but he doesn't care. Screw it; let him be the drama queen. He has been the drama queen after all. He has been the cause of all this drama right from the start after all.

All he wants is time. Time to think. And alone.

“Stop bothering him.”

A bigger taller voice suddenly enters the scene. And carries his shoes away from Jongin; carrying him too away from the scene.

* * *

Blur. Everything is a blur.

And all Kyungsoo can do in this stupor is cry. Cry hard for whatever reason he doesn't remember, and cry even harder.

At least in this car, Sehun’s shoulders smell nice.

Fresh. Like the sea.

And for whatever reason it draws him to the prince. Maybe he is indeed too drunk. He doesn't know what else makes sense at this point. And he's been making choices he would never do if he is sober. But who cares at this point, he is too broken and messed up himself to care.

So, he clings to him instead. Even for awhile.

And kisses his cheek. 

And pecks his lips.

“Thank you for saving me.”


	14. Impulsivity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little impulsivity takes you far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys ^^ so I may have delivered way early than i normally do yeyyy although I'm not too sure what yall will think about this chapter hahaha I'm taking my chances. As always enjoy and thank you for reading! and let me know your thoughts ;)
> 
> *also i have a little question ^^  
> I was wondering if any of you would like to have the set playlist I use specifically for the whole fic hehe I mean this playlist of mine is already existing a month before I started the fic /which means I planned the whole thing for a month through a couple of songs hehe/. All the songs are those I used for each chapter of the fic or to be used in the future, or even just for the general feel of the story; just something to help me push through my initial plot ideas ^^ do let me know if you want the whole playlist and perhaps I'm gonna edit it in the end notes after I see the responses, if I should that is. anyways without further ado, read the chap away ^^*
> 
> Also these chapters are inspired by Somebody to You by The Vamps and Wait for You by Elliot Yamin  
> 💕

Car rides; he has never liked them. They’re a long set of unproductive hours where you usually just sit and wait to arrive by the window. Staring at nothing usually. Grasses and some unknown view of a minor city you pass by one way or another wherever kingdom you’re going to.

But for the first time — it was rather very eventful. Weirdly eventful. And he cant quite place whether he should like it or not. He doesn't even know what exactly he is supposed to feel, not after the magnitude of events that happened today within just a few quick, congested hours.

_Sehun decides he is just bored out of his wits._

_For the life of him, he has been itching so much to go home and yet he is still stuck in this event; waiting for his family to get done or something. At least when they go home a few minutes later after this formal ceremony, he can explore the situation easier when he is alone._

_Or maybe even dance in the much awaited youngsters’ ball; graced by the younger prince, as said in the event’s schedule. For the first time they have allowed him to stay behind and enjoy a party; God only knows why and how it happened, which is also weirdly without his brother who is apparently itching to get his hands immediately on paperwork. Good, at least one of them gets to be more responsible and he can get to live his life even in this little freedom he is granted._

_But then maybe because its to generate ties with other kingdoms; realization of which immediately soured his mood._

_Well, its still early for him to pretend he is really going to a party like a normal person right?_

_Few hours in and he is enjoying by the drinks’ section his gold Marsala while observing people presumably enjoying themselves while mingling. They sure are having fun while he’s here looking like a whole newbie just sipping wine silently, while subconsciously treating this like a whole social experiment. Which maybe through excessively hyperfocusing on observing different guests and how they possibly tick._

_He cant help. Maybe that's what he is good for after all. Plus he realizes he isn't in the mood for dance floor; not after seeing Kyungsoo and that stupid bestfriend cling to each other a few good minutes ago, like some cheesy, icky PDA-filled lovers in somebody else’s ball._

_Despises the memory of the whole scene. Traumatized even._

_He continues to sip the exquisite wine. And decides the view of people is starting to suffocate him; sickening him even. Maybe he was wrong; he will never be suited with these types of flimsy events. Well, maybe except for the food and drinks; he is living the life with this alcoholic wine. Mostly its the drinks that he likes, that he will never get to experience with his elder royals hovering over his choices and life for eternity._

_He heads out instead to enjoy the scenery of the mini balcony slash guest entrance-and-exit path attached to the hall area of Ortus’ palace, which is actually a long hallway heading to who knows exactly what. Which is a catalyst to entice his natural curiosity._

_Gulping his wine faster this time, he observes the royals being greeted and escorted home by the hosts’ knights. Fancy. This place is definitely onto some fancy shit. From all the stylized sun rays and emblems adorning the long red banners hanging around the posts, to basically everywhere in this hall alone, to the golden cutlery and regal atmosphere of the party. Sunflowers, sun emblems, gold. The theme is gold. At least they're six blocks of an upgrade from his own hella conservative blue themed household; they also know how to hold a legit lively party, for a kingdom who is more conservative in trading /more shady even/ than they could be._

_Heading back inside to return the wine glass and planning to get some weird walk in the gardens that he has seen downstairs, he bumps into the unexpected person he never wants to closely meet alone._

_“Ah, sorry about that,” he is flashed by a casual smile as the person apologizes for almost bumping to him and his wine glass. ‘Screw that evident soulless apology.’ he watches as the other eyes him equally strongly in the eyes, communicating some challenge only them can possibly understand. They’re surrounded by this weird bubble of awkward. But more of the tension; its actually mostly tension. Challenging each other, intentionally yet silently provoking each other._

_He can see it behind those rehearsed smiles._

_And he returns one back._

_“Sure. No problem,” he replies cordially, while giving him one last square of his gaze. ‘Cocky jerk.’ Sehun still quite doesn't know how to figure the reason why the Borealian prince chose this person as his best friend. He is obviously a dickhead. He visibly scowls at the thought while dragging himself back to the drinks section to return his glass; all while frustrating himself again of the scene he has seen hours before. Kyungsoo resting his head on that weird man’s shoulder, seemingly enjoying it way more than he would like. But then what does that have to do with him really?_

_Maybe he has consumed excessive wine, although he knows he is not even tipsy yet. Why would it matter so much as to what he specifically likes; its all just an arranged marriage proposal he has to win over, nothing more significant._

_Right?_

_He takes that as his cue to leave and to stroll a bit for some fresh air._

_Which to his surprise — or maybe because he had no expectations; mostly low opinions even — the gardens actually look decent, which is mostly filled with different shades of roses and exported types of flowers. ‘They're onto some real good shit with this landscaping arrangement.’_

_“Wait. I wanna talk. Is it okay?”_

_He hears a hushed, hopeful but nervous question being asked. Maybe some sneaky people who are onto some shit, which Sehun decides he has no time for._

_He heads out for the exit when he suddenly hears a biting response._

_“What do you want?”_

_He puts his attention back to the unexpected conversation he has found. That’s definitely the younger Do. He decides its not time to leave, especially when the talk seems edgy._

_Screw anyone who thinks he is eavesd_ _ropping; who cares at this point, he only cares about the venom in that voice which he has never heard from him. From Kyungsoo. Not until now._

_And yet its silence after. The garden is suddenly enveloped with an unnerving silence._

_He tries to figure out who is the other figure in the dark, peeping through the bonsai walls covering his view of the two._

_“I’m sorry. I am sorry.” the other replies shakenly._

_‘They know each other? What could they be talking about even?’_

_“I c-can explain myself if you want to, if you will ever grant me the chance. But not now, especially that you are far too drunk. We can-“ he hears the Ortus prince replying agitated._

_“I'm not too drunk. You can say whatever you want to say now,” Fuck. Like how much anger does Kyungsoo have in his system for this person, to even sound so frightening like that? Sehun wonders. But most importantly, why do they know each other?_

_“There’s nothing more to explain, isn't it? there’s nothing more to explain. You're the lost prince; somehow in some weird circumstance you ended up to be the one and only heir of a place that is the most unlikely we have ever thought of.”_

_“You went away. You have gone away; lost for several years. Without explanations. Nothing. Granted I am the worst boyfriend you’ve ever had and never deserved any follow up, even supported now that I turned out to be your rival of some sorts and funnily someone who will never be meant for you.”_

_Boyfriend._

**_Boyfriend._ **

_‘So, he was a boyfriend? Lovers? Him and the lost prince were lovers?’ Sehun suddenly feels bad and sour snooping in, in whatever situation this is._

_“Funny isn’t it? And maybe you will get now why I struggled to keep us together. On why I supposedly swept us 'under the rug into being faux okay'.” He can tell Kyungsoo is on the edge of falling apart just by the mere voice alone, to which Sehun feels he has to do something to get his drunk babbling ass out. And quick._

_Before he spills or does anything more stupid that he shouldn't have. Which already seems like he indeed is spilling things his sober self will regret later. One proof would be him overhearing them._

_“We don't have to talk further. Nothing is to be talked about anyways. It has all been over. What’s left to talk about other than kingdom related stuff Your Highness?”_

_“Lord Kim Jongin, its nice to have finally met you.”_

_Its Sehun’s cue to leave first. That’s it. He needs to leave before he is seen and fast. Kyungsoo has already amazingly defended himself, while drunk._

_“Wait! Kyungsoo! Can we first just-“_

_What the fuck does the bastard want? He unknowingly grips his own fists. Sehun wants to punch his face. Just what does he not understand about Kyungsoo’s clear leave-me-the-fuck-alone statement?_

_“No! Not now! Leave me alone! I am already too broken and conflicted; leave me be Jongin! Not now!”_

_And that’s his cue for another stupid move; the most stupid thing he will ever do. God forbid he’s plunging himself in trouble._

_Maybe from this point forward, he should start blaming it on the wine. Yup, it's definitely the wine. All the wine._

_“Stop bothering him.”_

_He looks at the Eastern heir square in the eye and proceeds to grab Kyungsoo and the shoes away from the annoying person’s hands. He finally decides to leave the whole event but weirdly this time, dragging along a visibly distraught, drunk person._

Nuts. Stupid as fuck. He has really reached his peak of impulsivity and dumbness. Sehun is frustrated just why he is acting so rashly when its about Kyungsoo.

Which the whole set up right now makes his car ride scary and interesting, with the older heir’s head resting by his shoulder. A view that should be nice but actually frustrating as Kyungsoo has been crying for hours now; too pained and out of his usual character. Sehun is agitated, scared and frustrated because he doesn't know exactly why he is bawling like that and how to make it stop. Other than the jerk obviously broke his heart.

Past lovers.

**Boyfriend.**

That Ortus jerk should be the one taking care of his funny business, he was the one who put hell into Kyungsoo’s life after all. And yet he cannot help but be the one to soothe him instead. At least with what he can manage, rubbing his hands soothingly on the smaller’s back.

“It will be okay soon. Let it all out. Just let it all out,” he whispers the words in hushed calm tones, as Kyungsoo continues to sob for the next few minutes. It’s painful to hear and watch, painful to feel even in his arms. On how the crying person’s breaths are getting more frantic and frantic; most of all pained and Sehun is at lost on what to do.

But at least he got it all out; even when drunk, Kyungsoo had let it all out. He can tell its a heavy pit stored in his system for too long, in which he weirdly finds a connection to. He knows how it feels like, the whole _I cannot cry because I dont deserve to or even have a right to do so_ self-conditioning. Which he now thinks is more common than he imagined, at least in both of their cases. He suddenly — which is so anti-climactic of him and he knows — feels heard.

At least Kyungsoo’s breathes are getting calmer and he is not crying anymore, just visibly exhausted from the whole sobbing. He weirdly but sturdily drapes his hand around his back to lowkey cradle him and thought about how he doesn't wanna see him cry this hard anymore or ever again. At least as much as possible.

He looks out the window, at the view the car is passing by. It’s getting later in the night; he should be able to bring Kyungsoo to his kingdom in time but he will be going home way later than he could manage. Which already screams interrogations from his own uptight father.

Well, at least someone has brought him home safe.

The smaller figure suddenly stirs on his side, hugging him out of nowhere. Sehun feels stiff and out of place at the sudden affection. _‘Quit your drunk ass already. This isnt supposed to happen.’_ He was about to push him away but then he decides to let it be cause maybe Kyungsoo needs all the warmth he could get in this vulnerable situation, even though he just received his first hug. Ever. In the whole of his life.

And as if the universe suddenly conspired against Sehun’s guarded walls, Kyungsoo looks at him with the gleam of his eyes in the moonlight.

A sudden kiss. On the cheek.

Light-headed. Maybe its the wine kicking in hours later. But suddenly he gets the most dizzying hallucination, much more than what just happened.

He really must be full on drunk now.

A soft kiss. On the lips.

And after that, Sehun swears by it. That the time have stopped.

And all he can see is the glint and shine in Kyungsoo’s eyes. He must be drunk to be seeing the Borealian prince’s face light up.

He cannot describe what he is exactly feeling right now. He doesn't even know if he is still alive and breathing; he is not registering fully what is going on.

“Thank you for saving me.”

He hears the almost inaudible whisper.

And maybe they're indeed both too drunk; he most importantly, who ignored his body getting drunk than he thought he would.

Possibly he is so drunk that he cannot even bring himself to stop what is currently happening.

All he knows is that the time seemingly stopped. That the butterflies in his stomach are definitely there. They’re definitely real. He realizes, tangibly, that he didn't made it all up in his head.

On how he wants to protect this person, on how he wants to hold his hand or talk with him for hours even if he always stutters. On how he doesn't wanna let go, as he feels his soft, warm and plump lips now moving against his own. On how deep down he wants to stay like this, with him forever, as long as he could muster.

Him kissing the Northern prince back, this time responding fervently, before his calculated logical reasoning can even stop his own unreasonable impulsiveness.

* * *

_“What the fuck do you want?”_

With the running water flowing to his tub, Jongin cant stop replaying the events that transpired last night. He needs to stop feeding his searing headache. But like a broken record, the whole memory repeats on its own.

_“Im not drunk. And even if I am it was never your business to begin with. Now fuck off.” That panged his already heavy chest, managed to break it even more. And he knows he cant complain, its all his fault for leaving without explanations anyways. Mostly because he left the situation fired up years ago as well; them fighting until the last moment of their relationship. On their supposed happy anniversary._

_Guilty, yes. But then its in the past. All Jongin can do is work with Kyungsoo, even if he is too drunk to cooperate with him for his own safety._

_“No. I’m not leaving you here, not when you're drunk like that.” he tried to be as approachable and gentle sounding as possible. Calming his nerves and anxieties out, in favor of coming across even remotely okay for the other._

_But he feels the effort is useless, as Kyungsoo’s eyes become charged with annoyance and anger instead. Stabs his already bruised ego and feelings again, yet again._

_”You had no business leaving me without explanations so get on with it.”_

_With every word that comes out of Kyungsoo’s mouth, Jongin feels like being stabbed over and over by the fact that he will probably never quench any of the heavy residue he left the Borealian prince to deal with for years. For every punctuated and emphasized sentence, he feels unjustified and yet he also thinks he deserved it._

_More than deserved it._

_For being a total coward, for being a weakling. For being not brave enough to approach Kyungsoo to even explain anything within those years. To even give him a proper closure._

_But he is willing, more than willing to make up for that now. Can Kyungsoo at least see that? Will he be able to see that if he tries even a bit?_

_“You don't know me, we don't know each other. We haven't met, we didn't met here; we cannot be fucking seen together. End of story.” the older prince stumbles down as he took a step to get his shoes._

_Jongin doesn't know whether he even deserves to be pained at this whole set up; he even doubts now whether he is worth even a few of the Borealian prince’s time and proximity._

_Maybe the universe indeed has its ways to give someone’s deserved karma. Maybe he is getting exactly that now._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

_One. Two. Three._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

_“Hey, hey. See you’re too drunk to even walk coherently. I will accompany you until you sober up a bit. Then I can ask someone to bring you home,” he tries to reply as calmly and gently as possible; even if it means more pretending that he is even fine, even if it means controlling the threatening pool of tears on the sides of his eyes. Even if it means reigning against his quivering, panicking figure._

_One. Two. Three._

_Inhaling. Exhaling._

_He is suddenly grateful Kyungsoo is full on drunk._

_“Come on, let’s sit by the bench.” he attempts again to gently hold the prince’s sides to coax him into sitting down properly._

_Which makes him a bit glad that this time, Kyungsoo complies and sits where he was led to. But evidently wearing a lost, exhausted expression. He can probably never forget the scene. Its all his fault Kyungsoo is feeling this hollow and horrible /as much as he does too, maybe even greater/ which makes him think of the better option of staying away from him for good and pretending they dont know each other. If letting him be means peace for him._

_He suddenly feels conscious of how close he is and decides to put a large space between them; he sits on the other edge of the bench._

_And as if this situation cant hurt more, he hears sniffs. And incoming sobs, which becomes the cue for his worsening panic that was kept at bay._

_“H-hey. Hey. Uhmm... D-dont cry please,” this time tears have finally fallen and he has given up in trying to even prevent them from fully streaming down. He is scared, more scared than he has ever been._

_It feels like someone transported him back to a place of broken branches, where he has to try his best to tiptoe, on a lost cause path filled with eggshells. Navigating and trying as much as he could but every effort could be all be leading to uncertainty; just all in vain. He feels like he is back at nine; alone, panicky, trapped, eager to please and yet all the more broken by the second. To be scolded, neglected, beaten up; all cause he didnt complied up to the other person’s standards._

_But this time, its Kyungsoo that he is so afraid to step on by not tiptoeing enough; accidentally breaking him all the more, like he himself is. He is honestly afraid of being lashed out on more. Evidently so by his uncontrollable shaking hands._

_“I-i will-will eventually leave. J-j-just please. I am just trying to keep you safe. You cannot go out this drunk; not even because the other guests will see you. We cant make you lose face now, can we?” At this point, one can say he is just finding any reasons that could pass for Kyungsoo not wandering off like this, in this predicament. “Just settle down and I’d leave you be until someone comes to take you home.”_

_As if he unconsciously touched a big flooded dam waiting to be released, Kyungsoo started to sob fuller this time. Which also made him panic and shake more._

_Fuck; he needs a way out before it becomes a full on panic attack._

_He can only hope the prince cannot even make out that he is being so vulnerable and weak right now; he is all the more wishing the prince’s drunkenness is indeed enough to mask his own emotions and walls breaking down._

_And he thanks the sun gods, as it seems to be the case. The Northern prince stands up, but so resolutely; enough to crush his last piece of hope that this night wont be the worst he has ever had._

_“I don't want to. I will leave myself if you cannot even give me that; I can manage myself.” Kyungsoo determinedly stands to walk away from him._

_Like he is some annoying trash; like a bothersome yet insignificant bug. A worthless piece of junk. A jerk; a deserved one at that._

_And yet still he takes all his inexistent courage, stopping Kyungsoo. With his insufficient shaky hands. One last time by his elbows._

_“Wait. I wanna talk. Is it okay?”_

_Is he even rightful enough to have asked? Is he even sane enough to have stopped him? Is he even deserving of his time, or even be given ears at his own mere attempts of an explanation? Kyungsoo is visibly struggling to decide as well, which is understandable._

_He wants to go away and hide, he wants him to fully make his decision. Freely leave if he wants to; and yet aching to hear him say yes. Even only this once._

**_And yet he also feels its in vain. Too late. Years too late._ **

_Maybe the impulsivity has served nothing. No one. Not even him._

_“What do you want?” he gets another biting question. At least he stopped to listen. That’s his cue right?_

_He is still keen on listening. He is still willing to. With which Jongin lets his heart foster hope even a small bit. That was something; it must be something at least._

_But then he wants to explain but finds himself tongue tied. there’s just so many things he could say to him, so many things he wants to explain to him. And yet nothing comes out._

_And so there’s only the dead, heavy silence. They're suddenly enveloped with the scary, nerve-racking silence._

_Fuck. Its his chance and he cannot even say something. Stupid that he is._

_“I’m sorry. I am sorry.” he replies shakenly, tears pooling by the sides of his eyes again. “I can explain myself if you want to, if you will ever grant me the chance.”_

_He looks at Kungsoo’s face, drunk but beautiful still in the moonlight. God, the sun gods really have to stop making him hope for nothing. He doesn't wanna get hurt no more; he feels this will still end in total vain._

_“But not now, especially that you are far too drunk. We can-“_

_“I'm not too drunk. You can say whatever you want to say now.” Kyungsoo coldly cuts him. He cannot even feel himself anymore or even have the energy to wonder what exactly he is feeling at this point._

_“There’s nothing more to explain, isn't it? there’s nothing more to explain. You're the lost prince; somehow in some weird circumstance you ended up to be the one and only heir of a place that is the most unlikely we have ever thought of.”_

_Goodness sake, of course he knows. He knows theyre in a rather harder situation; tables turned them into a harder and harsher reality this time. Borealis and Ortus were never both to mix, not even ideally kingdom and customs wise. At peace but never fully._

_He doesn't need to be reminded again how they cant painfully be together that easily. Or even ever, especially only child of royals are customarily expected to get a bride instead._

_“You went away. You have gone away; lost for several years. Without explanations. Nothing. Granted I am the worst boyfriend you’ve ever had and never deserved any follow up, even supported now that I turned out to be your rival of some sorts and funnily someone who will never be meant for you.”_

_“Funny isn't it? And maybe you will get now why I struggled to keep us together. On why I supposedly swept us 'under the rug into being faux okay'.”_

_Jongin doesn't even know if there is even a point to say something. He is giving up, he wants to give up while not too. He is conflicted and angered. Just why are their fates like this?_

_Maybe he should've drank some wine a few hours before. Maybe he should've foreseen this night will be one of the worst nights; one of the nights he wants to pretend that he doesn't remember or that he skipped, if time even allows such._

_“We don't have to talk further. Nothing is to be talked about anyways. It has all been over. What’s left to talk about other than kingdom related stuff Your Highness?” Kyungsoo curtsies lazily, as much as his drunken state can manage. **Sarcastically even.** _

_“Lord Kim Jongin, its nice to have finally met you.”_

_“Wait! Kyungsoo! Can we first just-“_

**_‘Please I need you. Please hear me out.’_ **

_“We can meet in another time when you're not too drunk, we can meet at a café or something please grace me the-“_

_“No! Not now! Leave me alone! I am already too broken and conflicted; leave me be Jongin! Not now!”_

_Pain. He cannot even recognize anything other than pain, hurt, confliction, guilt, emptiness. Hollow. And yet nothing at the same time._

_He suddenly wants to not exist. Its too much; this is too much._

_“Stop bothering him.”_

_Someone enters the picture. The western prince, which he doesn't even quite register because all Jongin can hear is his shattered self._

_Minced glass pieces; if already broken, tortured pieces can even be broken further._

_Maybe he will be the first case to be such, in existence._

Jongin stares at the overflowing water from his tub. He cannot even be bothered when all he wants is to wallow and sob the whole week. To not come out, to not see anyone; to just die in this painful misery.

He doesn't wanna be Prince Solis Ortus. He doesn't wanna be the younger Lord Kim. All he wants is to not exist. Or /he cannot even believe he is even considering this despite the childhood torture/ he wants to be the Borealian resident, good for nothing high schooler Kim Jongin back.

Who never left, who never betrayed; who never went away.

Somehow, years too late, he understands the Northern prince’s struggles now. But it took him years and to be in this royal status of a mess to get it.

Kyungsoo is right; maybe he is indeed inconsiderate all along. And maybe its him who was the worst boyfriend, because he couldn't have known better.

Maybe he should stop even dreaming, he should wake up now. Its all a frustrated illusion and he should wake up. But he cannot also help to still want to reach out to the source of his current torture. And find a way to win him back.

Impulsivity. Maybe its all useless impulsivity.

All impulsiveness that he still wants to grant the chance himself.

* * *

Excited; Chanyeol is beyond excited. After all he planned this Sunday so well in his head for more than two weeks now, nothing should go wrong right?

He goes over again the mental list he made in his head while he fixes the creases made on the edges of his floral polo because of him sitting anxiously in the North’s living room for hours.

 _‘It will go well, Chanyeol. It definitely will, you just have to stop being a nervous nut. Just stick to the general plan, it will never go wrong.’_

The Ignean prince mentally encourages himself as he sees a sleepy Kyungsoo walking down the stairs, possibly shocked to find him waiting for him this early morning in the weekend.

“Channie, what are you doing here in such an early Sunday morning?” he is greeted by such a domestic sleepy voice that he finds endearing instead. _Cute._

“You have a bad hangover headache right? I swear you shouldve really took my advice when I told you you shouldnt have drank too much last night.” he teases the younger in which he earns a loud smack on his left arm.

“Yah, what was that for when I’m telling the truth?” he playfully responses in fake annoyance as he coaxes a smile from the other. _‘First point scored of the day Chanyeol.’_ Seeing Kyungsoo smile because of him just makes him feel so giddy.

“By the way, what could be the matter at hand Yeol?”

“Nothing really, just... this.” he hands out the red and orange bundles of chrysanthemums he personally picked and arranged from their floral garden. He hopes the message he conveys translates across to the younger prince, from the written card and also from the flowers’ color meanings.

Kyungsoo appears shocked but then smiles and receives the bouquet.

“Thank you, Yeol. You hand picked this? From Auntie’s garden?” that reply this time, surprised him.

“How’d you know?”

“Nothing much. Just a hunch.”

Their eyes this time met, in which he breaks first because he is starting to feel his cheeks go hot. As if there isn't enough evidence of this weird set up, Kyungsoo in turn laughs at his dilemma.

“YAH. Why are you laughing at me? Just because you're cute and domestic doesn't mean you get to laugh at me.” he accuses as threatening as he could.

This time, its Kyungsoo that blushes hard and looks away.

“I-I’m not m-im”

“Look inside the card, Soo. And give me an answer.”

Kyungsoo stares at him for a few minutes, which he flashes a sweet smile and a little shy laugh. 

He waits for the other to fully open and read the small scented light pink card.

There’s this weird silence between them in this living room, adding more suspense to his already heavily beating heart.

“I’m down, Yeol. Wait for me to prep myself up and we’d go in around maybe 30 minutes? Is that reasonable?”

**_‘More than reasonable. Perfect even.’_ **

Chanyeol doesn't know how to prevent himself from dancing his whole body out from the answer.

“No-no. I mean yes. Yes. Sure, sounds wonderful.” he smiles as gleefully as he feels.

Finally. Finally, his out of the spur moment of a plan worked.

_‘I guess a little impulsivity actually takes you far.’_ he does a little celebratory dance in front of his reflection on the glass dividers of the Borealian palace.

He tries to arrange his polo and hair again, wearing a big smile on his face.

_‘Today is gonna be a good day. A whole day, just for the both of us.’_

* * *

Kyungsoo cannot help himself but laugh at his best friend’s obvious little squeals of joy, in which he hears below before he even gets to his own room to prepare for the day.

_‘Silly. As always.’_

He sets the cute bundle of flowers on his table and finds an empty, unused vase to use. After putting a little bit of water in the vase, he puts the bouquet nicely towards the center of his dresser.

_Love._

_Warmth._

**_Progress._ **

Subtle, but true. And maybe indeed its there.

_Progress._

Kyungsoo mulls over the word, much more the whole idea in his head. Is he ready enough for progress?

He smiles again to himself but this time fully seeing his reflection in the mirror of his dresser. He still has a bad hangover, evident residue seen in his face. But this time, he also sees the little baby blue blanket draped around his used suit last night. He remembers it being draped around his body on the way home, remembering the warmth it brought to his cold, broken, drunk self.

Conflicted. He feels conflicted again.

But of a different kind.

He stares at the blue fabric. And last night’s pictures play through his head.

The kiss; the heated, warm, comforting, unexpected kiss. He can still weirdly feel it on his own lips.

Face palming and scolding himself mentally. Just how his impulsiveness the whole night has bought him into more troubling, harder territories. Harder waves, harder waters to navigate. Just when was he this impulsive? And stupid? 

But he cant help but relive it again, the feeling of it.

Warmth. Comforting. Enticing.

He looks at the bundle of blooms again on the vase. He moves the vase and decides it looks perfect on the right side of his dresser. But reminding him fully of the date day ahead of him, with the Ignean prince waiting downstairs.

_‘Fuck Kyungsoo, what did you even get yourself into.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *tell me if yall want the playlist, I will eventually put the link here and also dedicate a whole page for it at the end of this fic. I would also possibly name and list every song that falls under each character at the end of this story ^^ I have sorted them out based on a characters' point of view as well ;) hahaha Its TMI but I wanna giddily share it to everyone. because maybe its just me but the songs actually add more feels to the whole thing hoho*
> 
> EDIT (As of 11/29/20):  
> here's the full fanfic spotify playlist guys ^^ enjoy ;)  
> [click this link.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6wVy72adCnEcNDdS15WMng?si=oLV4lLcLT9-PGVBDGPRTIg)


	15. Nostalgia. Youth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past. The present. Even the future. Completely smitten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people ^^ here is a new update! FLUFF. prepare for some fluff. I don't know if this update is enough but do let me know what you think ^^ I appreciate you all leaving a comment, telling how you felt or thought of the chapters. As always thank you for reading and enjoy! 
> 
> *Also one of our lovely readers, Angel_Lee made a [Fan MV.](https://youtu.be/AgBntIvwsZc) for this fic. waaah I was sooo elated and grateful someone was happy with my fic and made a vid for it. I recommend checking it out you guys because it actually looks like a whole trailer! Plus it has the exact feel I was going for in the whole story 💕 
> 
> Again, thank you for editing such a lovely thing for the story and the characters. It was the sweetest thing 🥺
> 
> Also to everyone who wanted to check the playlist for this fic, im putting it again [here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6wVy72adCnEcNDdS15WMng?si=0zC4AOztT6u9-cZ4IymXQQ)*

He wants to go back to their youth; he wants to revisit it with him.

Chanyeol is standing; a little bit fidgety whilst waiting for Kyungsoo to finish preparing. He stares way too long and absentmindedly at the royal purple curtains, flowing beautifully down on the sides of the wide windows. Also at the dainty, white and gold ornaments adorning the mini shelves and the different transparent glass vases filled with different flower arrangements along side the usual lavenders. Just unable to think about anything else, other than the obvious loud drums banging inside his chest.

Going through his mental list again, he cannot help but review for the millionth time what he planned for the whole day. He thinks he’d do just fine and yet one side of him is also afraid a little deviation from the plan will probably screw things up.

Nervous. He will probably be just a whole nervous ball today.

He doesn’t wanna screw up, not this time, when this is one of his rare chances to just keep Kyungsoo his for the whole day. His bestfriend is getting busier and busier with the things he needs to keep up. Both of them really are, including him and his thousands of king in-line training hours alongside academy and so this day is significant to him. So significant because it means day-off, it means Kyungsoo; it means him finally getting to express and materialize what he has been aching to do for years.

A date that he will never not cherish; instead, he will ingrain each second today in his memory, including all the subsequent days and years he will get to be with him. The forever he wants to share with the younger prince.

He taps his hands on his lap, resting his whole arm on the gold armrest of the chair he is sitting in. Staring at his seated faint reflection on the big glass again, he wonders.

Will he be enough?

Will Kyungsoo this time, see his heart fully?

Will he be willing to know him more and possibly consider being with him?

Will he like him and consider loving him, even beyond the proposal’s approval? beyond their friendship?

Will he be preferred over the other prince vying for his approval? The Borealian family’s approval?

Trying not to go overthinking, he suddenly hears Kyungsoo’s footsteps down the stairs.

_Ethereal._

_Just magnificent._

He never knew the real meaning of the word, not until now that the human embodiment of it is in his view.

God, all Chanyeol can see is him. Ever since he has known what Kyungsoo really meant for him, all he can see is him. All he can think about is him; all he can focus on is the mixture of his every step and his erratic heartbeat.

Eyeing Kyungsoo with his black polo, he cannot help but focus on his light brown eyes shined by the sunlight. He cannot help but fixate on his beautiful nose, his gorgeous skin. His pink, heart-shaped lips. And the way he moves classily and regally down the stairway. All about how dashing and regal he is; always reminds him of the beautiful lavenders.

Its like his whole world just stopped.

Its like there is nothing but those set of stars in those eyes he feel in love with. Its like there is nothing in this world that ever matters more; just the two of them. Just him.

Time warped. Slowed even. It’s like time never mattered; all these other things outside of them didn't mattered.

He sees a bright smile directed at him this time, and all he can manage to hear is his slowed, heightened breathing. Just how Kyungsoo is even more breathtaking after all these years?

Whipped; Chanyeol will forever be.

“Chanyeol is this okay? Is there something wrong with it?” Kyungsoo asks him about his clothes but this time, his petite frame is right in front of him.

“Don’t worry. It’s perfect. I tell you, you’re always perfect.”

He doesn’t miss the shy smile and glancing away of the other. “You don’t have to be so formal with me, Yeol. Jus-just be casual.”

“I am casual,” he nods at him. “I am more than casual. That’s why I’m telling you exactly what I think. And this time, hopefully more of what I truly feel.” he takes a step closer and stares at those beautiful brown eyes again, but this time as earnestly as he could. Hoping his heart will be expressed even in a single stare.

Like if all of one’s feelings can be known in a single look in the eye, he wishes Kyungsoo can see it clearly this time.

He adores him; more than adores him. And even if the other usually averts full-on expression of feelings, he just cannot stop himself. And probably consciously wouldn’t; not now that he needs to come forward and take his chance. If talking “formal” — which he is sure is just the Borealian prince getting shy with the sudden bluntness of his affection — would be his only way to make him know his heart, he wouldn’t hesitate from now on.

On every occasion, on every given chance. He aches to make him know how he only dreams of him; how he wants him. He also wants him to know that time doesn’t matter when he is with him. That his world was and will never the same ever since he knew just how he strongly likes him.

How he loves him so.

For the first time in years, he feels liberated. He feels free.

It’s more than freeing to know he is not the Orion in the story anymore. He doesn’t need to chase the beautiful stars silently anymore.

-xxxxxx-

It’s still quite early. Chanyeol is so happy he got to chose the perfect time to bring his bestfriend to the stall they used to frequent when they were kids, where they would get the purest and coziest hot chocolate with marshmallows the Borealian markets has to offer.

They wait for the newest batch being stirred meticulously by the vendor, sniffing in the sweet scent of pure organic cocoa, while sitting together on the makeshift mini restaurant tables on the stall’s side.

Its been ages since he remembers the last Sunday they visited the kingdom’s lively market; remembering how they used to always designate this specific day as their leisure day in the capital. He would sometimes laugh at Kyungsoo’s scowl, when he cant get to munch on the softest marshmallows before they melt in the heat, while wearing a chocolate moustache atop his lips. He remembers full well how they would sometimes bet who gets to drink from their hot cups the fastest, earning another Sunday treat from the loser.

He smiles at the Northern prince right in front of him, who is openly gawking with the cutest wide, doe eyes and anticipating if the vendor man is already done with his batch.

_‘Cute. As usual, cute.’_

“I know full well how you desperately want to revisit the markets at your own time and yet haven’t had the chance to do so. That’s why I brought you here, because I wanna revisit it as well. I missed it too.”

“Thank you, Yeol. You just read me perfectly every single time. Not gonna lie, its quite funny how it took me the Southern prince coming here who traveled hours just to take me in my own kingdom’s center market. My own kingdom! When I should be able to on my own,” Kyungsoo replies in delighted eye smiles. “But alas hadn’t had the time. Thank you for remembering this wonderful place. For actually making the time to bring me. To remind my oh so forgetful self.”

“Anytime Soo, anytime. I mean we can frequent here or order it and have them delivered to us every Sunday. Anytime you prefer when we meet or get together. Or even those grilled skillets we used to eat on here a lot.”

“Call me even.”

“Wah, really? Because I wont hesitate to call you; I would very much love that Yeol.”

Their orders arrive with the server 90-degree bowing to them, to which Kyungsoo dismisses with a wave.

“No, no its okay dear sir. No need to be so formal with us, we’ve been your customers ever since. Just be casual,” he explains flashing a bright smile. He also bows his head slightly. “Thank you for the delicious food.”

“Thank you too, Your Highness for enjoying our food. Prince Park, thank you as well,” the server still bows to them both before leaving them be, which earns a lighthearted laugh from Kyungsoo.

_‘Thank you for being our shared childhood.’_

He mentally sends his gratitude and well wishes to the retreating back figure of the server as he bites into his blueberry muffin, after also seeing Kyungsoo do the same. And he hears the delighted moaning from him right after, gushing about how the pastry has never changed, retaining its fragrant tea smell in the dough used. Chanyeol smiles, continuing to nod at him and at his string of praises for the unchanged, nostalgic flavor, savoring their shared youth after years.

-xxxxxx-

He tries to submerge his right hand against the current, watching how the river water hit his palm quite gently; creating little splashes in the process. He waits for his rod, which he holds with his left hand steadily; waiting for a fish to finally take his bait underneath.

Both of them waiting for their first catch near the river bank, he smiles at how calmed Kyungsoo’s expression is. He decided to take the prince to his place after their shared snacks, as he wants him to see the same river near his palace, which they also used to visit both to learn fishing.

This time Chanyeol planned a mini grilling event, complete with vegetables and spices waiting to be either roasted or stuck into skillets; waiting for them to be grilled and savored with their catch. He wants to create a relaxing but stimulating lunch with him through the view and cooking, which he knows is what the other would usually prefer. Nature related, which he himself also prefers.

Any break from the modern scenery; anything that has a nice calming view, which these virgin rivers in Ignus have always brought them both.

A break from the watching eyes of everyone, just enjoying each others’ company and doing something active.

Just in their own world. Without the public eye, without other royals; even without their families and the heavy duties.

They silently wait again for their rods to feel heavy. For the time being, he cant help but absorb the view again, this time taking note of all the changes and similarities to this dear old river.

Still the same clear, cool waters, with a bunch of beautiful shade giving trees like the harmonious mixture of the weeping willow leaves, water tupelos and bald cypresses surrounding them like a whole unreal landscape. The gentle sound of the flowing current, the birds chirping. Even the gentle scent of the breeze has not changed; which was usually tinged with the scent of the leaves, the river and bit of the irises and rhododendrons littered around the area.

The beautiful place, the magical river; them and their still empty rods. The beautiful past and the beautiful present brought together in one moment; Chanyeol could never ask for more.

Nothing is as perfect as this.

He eyes Kyungsoo again and smiles while staring at his still light rod /again/, feeling elated. All more feeling at peace knowing his plans worked well, that this day has gone well for both of them so far. That he got his needed down time, needed date with him, and needed happiness and relaxation all in one.

Basking in the comforting silence between them, he waits again for the wanted heaviness on his left hand but this time deciding to hum a mindless nursery song.

“Is your rod doing any work so far, Soo?”

“Nothing yet. Wah, will we ever get any catch for our lunch for today?”

“I dont know, but I was so sure there were much more fishes here than years back. I tried fishing once here to see if we can still catch dishes.”

Kyungsoo throws him a suspicious yet cheeky eye. “Don't tell me we’d be stuck here waiting for our lunches, Yeol.”

“Wait. I think I’m getting something.”

As if on cue, both of their rods get heavy with their first catch of the day. Bigger than average fishes, making his mouth water with the thought of finally grilling them.

“Why did you sent them in?”

He stops eating his fish meal and looks at Kyungsoo, who is busy looking down; possibly trying to avoid eye contact. Waiting for an answer to the question.

He’s astonished at his perceptiveness; he knows he is more observant and smart which many people don't usually give him credit for. But still the question and the implication of how he found out with these words alone is enough to leave Chanyeol scrambling to think of what to say.

What should he even say? Which answer would even be enough for why he actually thought of sending himself in the proposal lot?

He looks at the set of small pebbles around the soles of his shoes, trying to divert himself a bit. He grapples at the possible answers. Just what is he supposed to say really?

He tries to go over the possible answers he can give. It felt like an hour mulling it all over. 

And yet he settles for the most straight forward and honest answer he could ever think of.

“I love you.”

He tries to fixate his line of sight away, towards the running waters, focusing on the sound of the river as well. Now that the atmosphere is filled with this silence he cannot describe.

He impulsively continues talking this time, intense passion vibrating through him. Taking over him.

“Look. I don’t expect you to return my words anytime soon. Nor do I want you to decide or make a decision quickly about it. I am just coming forward, all crystal clear and clean this time. And this is me presenting to you what I truly felt like. For years.”

“What I have always wanted to tell you, always failing without the proper words nor the courage to do so. /I sent it in/ not because I needed trade, nor was it because of kingdom relations,” he turns to the younger prince this time, face full with sincere and strong emotions.

“I do see myself being with you, Kyungsoo. For the longest time now actually.”

_‘Ever since we were kids.’_

He doesn't add the last part, despite wanting to tell him. Feels it might be too much for the younger prince.

He shies away, unconsciously holding his nape and scratching the back of his head; returning his eyes to the flow of the river.

Silence engulfs them again, and he suddenly noticed his dry mouth, with which he tries to swallow, possibly along with some courage.

“This /proposal/ is mostly not made by the Prince of Ignus. It’s entirely me, just me. Its just honest Chanyeol.”

For what seemed like an eternity, he hears Kyungsoo adjust his sitting position, hearing the sound of the the grass underneath their picnic mat. He wants to tell him that he sincerely doesn’t wanna pressure the prince; it’s just that his feelings just cant be cooped in any longer.

“So how did Uncle Park see this?”

Another unexpected question, but he agrees he also needs to know.

“He knew of my feelings ever since. /Honestly/ reminded me of some of the implications this will entail. Mostly just the heir issue. And approved.”

“Him and mom approved of it.”

They try to continue eating in the brewing silence; he tries to fixate on his neglected vegetables. He has prided in knowing Kyungsoo well enough, but he suddenly doesn’t know how to exactly read this silence between them this time.

Was it of understanding?

Was it comfort?

Was it Kyungsoo being scared?

Terrified? Well, maybe its he himself who is. Was he terrified beyond the obvious beats of his heart? Yes. Of how will Kyungsoo take this further, now that he just bared the three words he had always wanted him to know? Yes, more than yes.

Will he shy away?

Will there be a chance for both of them?

He is willing to risk it; more than willing to risk his duty. Yes, there are the obvious implications in this. Him who had the duty to bear heirs to the throne, being an only child. Him being able to continue the Ignean line, preferably with a princess.

But what can he do when his mind runs and his heart beats only for one person? Even if its not in line with the usual Regalian customs? Sure he can marry a princess and just get away with the normal expectation of him. But what if he only wants to see forever with one person and not with anyone else? What if he wants nothing of the real arrange marriage set up, usually with a person you don’t actually love and just for lineage? What if he wants to be with someone he truly loves, while also being more than competent of a king?

Will that be enough?

Will his courage be enough for this?

At the end of it all, he thinks of his long term situation. Feelings.

He deserves to be happy; he believes so. He deserves to be true to himself. Even if its in so far breaking the usual outdated regional norms. Breaking this one sole expectation of him. Even if they cannot possibly bear a direct Ignean heir in this arrangement.

Kyungsoo deserves space and time, yes. Even the situation and the furthering of it needs enough planning and consideration. He is more than willing to give him and the situation time, heck even plan it out /for them/ over and over ensuring the best measures if things go wrong /as much as possible/, even if it means further waiting.

But he thinks and feels he deserves to bare himself and his heart out; he just have to show him his heart is as true as it can be, even aching heavily, filled with love only for him.

He deserves to go for what he feels true, even if its against the so called heir protocol.

He thinks /again/ about how they can opt from an heir from the direct line to his cousins, from his father’s brothers. He thinks about the two younger cousins of his, his uncle’s sons, inheriting the throne after him.

History has not done it yet at least not in Ignus, but he believes they can. He honestly thought it over a million times. If Borealis has done it with theirs before, why can’t his kingdom and the Southern royal family too? Kyungsoo’s parents are even doing it now by accepting the first proposal with Kyungsoo, which happens to be the Western second in line.

Kyungsoo’s grandfather, in history, has even approved of the same thing of what he is about to risk; hence the current Borealian king, who was the younger cousin of the former direct-in-line, older Do. Sure, rare for a heir apparent but they have managed to do it.

They can even strengthen the North and the South with this /marriage/ too, as all other unions do.

With those facts, he /they/ shouldn’t be so worried right?

The region overall cant be that outdated and stiff now on him, right? Just cause he is a first line royal?

He tries to stop the loop, the chaotic realm of overthinking again.

It should be fine in the end; it should all be fine, he reassures himself.

He tries to look at Kyungsoo again, braver this time. Watching him continue his remaining fish, he cannot help but note how beautiful his frame is in the sunlight once more. Slightly brown hair, freckles dancing on his face beautifully; with the most enticing pair of heart shaped lips busy munching over his meal. Accentuating his magnificence in Chanyeol’s eyes further, in the middle of the greens, trees, and flowers surrounding them.

Unreal scene. Just another magical scene in this endless play that tugs his heart strings. It’s like watching a fairy; a magical soul he feels his eyes are not even worthy enough to see. And yet like how one clings to a drug, he memorizes the view, clings hard to the butterflies he is feeling and tries hard to embed it in his mind.

Years.

He has indeed pined over him for years. And hard.

Time proved yet again that he truly, ever strongly at this point, loves Kyungsoo.

He gnaws at the inside of his right cheek, thinking harder.

He will be able to feel his love /clearly/ this time. Right?

* * *

He heavily puts down the bundled document his father sent him to read over. Solis Ortus. More weapons, investing in some kind of submarine. Feeling the whole weight of this situation, he tries not to notice how his hands are shaking.

_‘Just what are they up to now? They cannot possibly want a war in the future do they? Is the Regalian regional pact just plain useless to them? Was the disaster and the hell it bought them and their citizens just a mere child’s play? When everyone saw the most suffering within those few years?’_

Yes, Kyungsoo hasn’t personally experienced the war that happened a century ago. But then who in their right mind would want another war and sacrifice your country for the sake of whatever politics is especially in this generation? No matter the time even; who wants war itself? and yet that kingdom is violating what they've agreed on for years. Stocking more than what was advised, weapons more than reasonable for national security.

He sits down heavily, running his hands, trying to smooth his hair. He understands why his father and brother getting worked up even on this task alone. Another reason he resents being with a title; people think it’s the easiest thing just cause they dont show the public theyre struggling. Just because they try their best to safeguard and to give their best to their constituents.

He sees the chrysanthemum bouquet sitting on the vase he placed on the dresser, remembering the date that transpired yesterday. Him and Chanyeol. Then the token bracelet Sehun gave him when he first visited Pacificae over a project.

Trying to push the thoughts down, he gets the newest pile of letters they placed on his desk. Scanning every single one, quickly skimming on the addresses written on each. He lingers on one, after seeing the classic fragrant paper faintly adorned with sun emblems the East usually uses.

_Prince Kim Jongin._

Quickly opening it with a mini cutter, he scrambles to read the note inside.

Grabs the phone and calls.

“Yes. Tell him I’m willing to receive him tomorrow.”


	16. Tedious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We couldn't be better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I know this took me a while, but mainly because I spent more days thinking about the right words than the whole typing hskhsjks I may have not edited this more than I always do but I am hoping it comes across well. I may have to reedit it later if ever I see the need to after rereading it again hehe
> 
> Though if you have questions or even just reactions, ask/comment away below ^^ and as always I hope you all enjoy this update! I appreciate yall a lot. ^^
> 
> PS. I didnt realize its a lengthy 6-7k hskshsj but here you go ;) hoping its as clear as I tried to narrate it.

_‘Just why the military budget is so small?’_

Kyungsoo wonders, biting his pencil while trying to analyze the mid-year proposed statements in front of him. He stayed at home for the day and didn’t attend classes, as someone needs to fill in for all the paperwork his brother and his father have in pending. Along with his sister, he continues to probe on the documents one by one in the mini conference room they have in the palace.

Spending years with this kind of duty and yet he still cant seem to find it less stressful, not when there’s so many things to reconcile and know in order not to get lost. And yet he feels entirely lost looking at the records and financial statements alone, even the reasons set for the spending proposed by the budgeting committee.

Its not like he has choice anyways /certainly never did/, as he indeed needs to assist the two higher ups who happened to be family and lend a helping hand to his sister. He cant bring himself to really complain, especially he also has a visitor to receive later.

He looks over to his sister who is busy doing her thing in front of him; eyeing her out, watching her continue to do her best with what she was assigned at. Composed. Which makes him mull over his incompetency to answer the nagging question inside his head.

Tries to grab his idle pencil on the top of the other paper stacks, but then as soon as he sets the leaded tip on the paper to write, he silently huffs; immediately forgetting what he was supposed to jot down.

“You’ve been bothered about something.”

This sudden statement caught him off guard, making Kyungsoo look over her sister and stare directly at her figure this time.

“No. I am fine. I just forgot what I was supposed to write down,” he awkwardly tries to chuckle at his foolishness, but apparently the only daughter of the house doesn’t buy it.

“Don’t fool me Kyungsoo. I’ve watched you grow up. I know you.”

He swallowed the weird pit gathering in his throat, attempting to say he is just tired but was cut off instead.

“Don’t make me buy the same ‘tired’ narratives again. Grace me. /Ask me/ what you have been meaning to.” Hyunji looks at him, quite earnestly. The same look that meant no games, no lying. That no concealment will ever escape her prodding eyes.

The Borealian prince tries to think through, what he could possibly ask. But then its hard to just ask about love problems when all your family knew those are not really of importance and should not be, especially for him who is a royal. Asking advice on what exactly he should do will just hint him engaging in “fishy”, outside royal duty business. The only time ‘love’ enters the picture when its marriage negotiation time; to which Kyungsoo can only roll his eyes at.

And so he lets the atmosphere be enveloped with silence, pretending to look straight on the document he is holding, heading back down to work.

“No. You are not denying me of the obvious tinkering inside your head brother,” the princess says as she suddenly grabs the financial report he was holding. She was always the observant and feisty one, but right now Kyungsoo doesn’t admire it one bit.

“Yah! Let me fucking work.” he frustatingly said, earning him an insulted, annoyed face from the other.

“Manners. I am asking you to grace me with whatever. I’m lending you my ears this once; don’t disgrace me with my offer.”

“And what if I don’t want to, dear sister?” he jokingly mocks her.

“No. I refuse to make you deal with things your own again. You cant lie to me. I know the upcoming visitor /that/ you’re receiving is what’s bothering you.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened.

_‘Just how does she know about Jongin? Wait. Does she know about his past relations with him too?’_

“Yes. Kyungsoo. I do. If you really think I don’t care enough to watch my siblings then you’re wrong,” she speaks in a matter-of-factly tone, with a body language pretending to be nonchalant. Doing her usual paperwork. “Now tell me. What is bothering you?”

He knows her sister meant good; she was just helping him, who is always a slow poke in the emotions area. But then he cant bring himself to even talk about what he is thinking. ‘Were there even appropriate words to encapsulate the thought?’

“I-I- uh...”

Trying to will himself to think of proper words to say, he inhales deeply. Then pretends he is focusing instead, on the shiny surface of the leather shoes he is currently wearing. Hidden down the table.

“Just wondering if you’re supposed to give a person a chance to even explain after the things that happened and the suddenness of the reality ahead of everyone,” he whispers his answer.

Kyungsoo nervously nibbled his right inner cheek, while waiting for her sister who is still wearing her unbothered expression and is currently writing. Probably thinking; he knows the specific look too well.

“You need to. It’s for you, and more than anything, you deserve your own clarity. Besides, wouldn’t hurt to make him explain why he left and was not seen for long. On how he became the Ortus heir. Maybe you can also deduce just how he got here in our kingdom even as a citizen. Unclaimed for years.”

Simple, but laced with concern and yet also of duty. Its weird how her sister’s answer is calming and contrastingly, also poses a warning underneath. And he knows this is the best advice he can ever get, informal and yet weirdly formal too, packed into one nugget of unexpected advice. Out of all people he could possibly get it from.

He fears just what kind of explanation he is gonna get this afternoon; he also fears what it could possibly mean with the thickening tension brewing up surrounding their camps, more on Ortus. He knows he deserves to know how the situation became like this and to give his feelings a chance to know what really happened -- mostly for closure. Yet he also deserve a means or basis in case things go wrong. Upcoming statements that isn’t only meant to soothe him, but also to educate him, them on the next step.

It’s weird to think about just how he used to complain and get frustrated over their opposing positions and responsibilities as people /more of his own as a royal than Jongin’s as a citizen/, but now he is worrying infinite times instead because their positions are indeed polar opposites of each other. Despite them being both royals now. Their kingdoms are just hard to reconcile historically. Even now in present time.

He hates the ‘politics’ of their past relationship, and yet it has become officially more political this time instead. Heir from that east, living here before his reinstatement alone screams a lot of things. Could imply and result to a lot of things.

Kyungsoo presses his upper nose bridge, just between his hurting eyes. Too much. It’s too much. And that’s why he wants to not hear any of it and pretend it doesn’t exist instead. Pretend they don’t know each other, because its easier. Sweep under the rug, what the other used to accuse him. He doesn’t wanna hear his explanation this time and just cancel the meet up instead.

But he doesn’t have any choice, does he? Not when even his very own sister tells him to continue the whole thing later.

It will be fine right?

it wont be as worse as he feels and anticipates that it would be, right?

It wouldn’t feed more complications for both of their duties and kingdoms, right?

Most importantly, it wont cause more unnecessary tension between the two of them, right?

He looks over to her sister again, who is fully immersed in her work this time. Defeatedly, he waits for the time to pass by, thinking about how its nearing lunch time. Four hours more before the supposed regional conference going on for the Regalis kings and in-lines end, and his visitor comes here to bomb him with things he thinks he rather not hear.

* * *

Boring. This whole thing is boring. He feels guilty calling it such, but there is no way to put this entire event except that.

Jongin is eyeing the whole conference hall, filled with other tandems of kings and in-lines from other kingdoms trying to grab their own lunches prepared by the regional organizer of this yearly consolidating event. To what they’re supposed to consolidate? He doesn’t fully understand yet despite sitting for whole hours in the morning session; hence, probably why his father insisted him going despite his obvious cluelessness. To which he failed at. And he needs to do this after all; no excuse as he is the only heir. Plus a direct line, which leaves him no option but to pretend its fun. He internally groans that still they have three hours more of regional problems to ‘solve’, making him stuff his mouth more with the buttered vegetables and rice on his plate instead.

 _‘At least the way they seasoned this chicken is not so bad,’_ internally complimenting it while poking the meat with the fork, attempting to snag a bite-sized piece.

He looks over to his father on his left side, who is busy admiring the white sauce coating his chicken dish, with a peppery, coconut milk base that makes it look like carbonara. Smiling at the sight, he internally notes how he should not complain as his father who has been doing it in years did not exhibit a bored expression for once. He tears off another chicken piece and bites into it, in sync with the king.

The eastern prince then continues to observe the other royals, who are walking in and out of the venue alternately after the apparent break given. He suddenly sees a familiar duo, much more his counterpart in position, the red-haired in-line from the south, who seemed to have charmed everyone even in this conference. Ignis’ pride, Prince Park Chanyeol, who also happens to be so charismatic that even their school regards him in a different light. Probably aside from the one he knows, the Do Kyungsoo, who happened to be this charismatic one’s bestfriend as well.

Just how they became bestfriends, he finds himself puzzled at the circumstance, more on the difference of their personalities. But the thought made him linger on it, and eventually fidgeting at the thought of him explaining to the Borealian royal later.

He told his father its just an important academy project, with his teammates, earning him a go; concealing the fact that he is meeting up with one of the families their ancestors despised.

Mainly because of the century old war of racing to being the most influential, political center and highly regarded kingdom in the region, to which the north won over after reconciling everyone in a treaty, after causing the war themselves of course. Which his people from his kingdom used to deeply hold grudge against them for, for causing casualties to them from the biggest war in the region’s history and for stealing what was rightfully their position. As what was told to him by his equally discriminating private royal tutors. Even if they were lowkey.

And this century old annoyance is also possibly due to the current fact of the Borealians maintaining the most resources to trade in the main Regalian region after the disaster, which made them retain the position of implied high regard and power. Which to Jongin’s own two eyes, is for the first time manifested in this conference where everyone had always asked for the Northern families’ opinions on every single issue tackled. Maybe its because they also initiated the peace treaty and was assigned as the main keeper and overseer of such regional law. To which he has to verify yet.

All these, to which angered the early survivors of their badly war torn kingdom back then. Adding in also the fact that there was an importance imposed around the old regional customs of having more land to have captured and built an empire to. To which his ancestors thought they had the bigger share of land in the main Regalis because they /the north/ bribed the old eastern people in the Magnus’s southern part /which they claimed to be previously theirs/, and achieved it unfairly using the war, subjecting their former territory to be under their rule. To which he still thinks is a stupid basis to live for today.

Jongin doesn’t even remember if these were greatly emphasized by the norths in his high school curriculum and never heard their side of the story, at least what he remembers so far, to which he casts a doubt upon the level of possible exaggeration to such accounts.

He honestly thinks people should just move forward despite the scarring past. The treaty is already there for a reason, might as well move on as what they have also signed in peace for. Mostly in thought of their region’s peace. And it has been rather well to contain the previous public resentment between two kingdoms. But then that thought usually gets slightly squished when people cite to him the present day ‘crimes’ /as mostly put it/ the Northern citizens supposedly did to their constituents. The discriminations towards his people especially around the border, during lowkey trades to which their citizens still don’t approve any of the bigger sort with the other kingdoms. Much more now that his royal household pitched in as well with the general distaste at the fact he was found to be lost in the middle of the Borealian territory. Which to his parents are treason for stealing him from them, with which have no proof.

So he cannot help but live by the implications of it, somehow still wary of his actions, knowing his own countrymen traditionally passed on their resentment towards the northerners as well as the said people reportedly discriminating their region. Its not as widespread and as fierce as new blood replaced the older ideologies for years but still not to be neglected.

Who knows, maybe its him being dumb, not seeing the sense of the weird mutual dislike or his bias of having lived in Borealis /who appeared fine and in communal peace with the other kingdoms/, long enough to have not seen the potential of them betraying people for their interests. Besides, he is his real kingdom’s champion, he should be siding with them. Working in service for them especially in case something happens. He has to be loyal to their values, especially its his reality after all.

But he still thinks its misplaced. Especially in this day and age. But how he can repel such things, he doesn’t know of yet. He thinks he will find a way to make his kingdom more open; for fuller peace, for everyone. Once he steps in the throne.

That’s what he knows about the unspoken old ‘feud’ so far, which makes him feel more stuffy thinking about the upcoming meet up. He doesn’t know how this will go, much more mean for them /Kyungsoo/ now, knowing their kingdoms weren’t ‘supposed’ to fully get along. Not with the remaining narrative of resentment for everyone who lived to remember what the war did for them.

He wants to know what he can do, he even wants to know the other side’s point of view, knowing no one has lived long enough to have fully seen the war, except the direct descendants’ passed down stories. Which he puts the thought out, as the announcer states in the podium loudly that conference resumes in a few minutes.

-xxxxxx-

Its not even near winter, just kicking near the start of autumn; but Jongin feels his hands go cold. He shakes and rubs his palms against each other, creating his own heat for the rigid feeling seeping through his fingers. Maybe its indeed the nerves; maybe he is being unnecessarily nervous.

What should he even say?

Will Kyungsoo hear him out this time?

Will it be fully just them, two former friends? or will it be a conversation of two contrasting royals?

He hopes for the best; because above all, he doesn’t wanna expect the worst.

But he still cant quite figure out what should he possibly even tell him. Should he tell him his trauma? should he bring up the untold truth of him being kidnapped by unknown men and forced into child labor? would that conversation spark an unnecessary beef between them? would it be a crossing of the unspoken line of things you’re not supposed to speak of?

With these countless questions, he really thinks that he is not ready for this dutiful position; not even after 2 years of learning it and staying more than those years in his own nation.

He shakes his hands again; to release tension. Then stares at the yellow field of already harvested, yellowing bundles of wheats outside his car window; signaling colder temperatures of the upcoming autumn.

-xxxxxx-

To how did the other managed to let him in Borealis’ place is a big question swimming right now in his head.

He slightly marvels at the sight in front him, the orderly garden filled with different kinds of plants /more of lavenders than the view he saw before arriving/ transitioning into colored leaves in their garden. Momentarily forgetting his whole nervousness and mouth slightly gaping, as he sees more purple hues as he steps in the front door, with which he is being guided by a royal guard inside. At the rows of classical paintings framed in silver and golden colors, he marvels and even at the cute but regal arrangements of vases filled with lavenders and all sorts of flowers littering occasionally in this large living /receiving/ room.

Its very regal. More befitting of the magnificence of royalty. Yet calmingly graceful; to which he sees why Kyungsoo fits his kingdom and his position so well. His family even does, based on what Jongin has seen hours ago in the conference.

He wonders then if he is ever to see the two higher ups here; which would render him stiff as he doesn’t know if that is even a nice sight. Nor does he know what to respond in case someone asks why he is entering their premises. To which he thinks of the possibilities of this as probably being monitored, or that Kyungsoo afforded to lie to receive him in here. Who knows. He doesn’t know how bad their kingdom’s situations are; just based on the narratives of his own side alone.

To which he doubts again, as the guard was nothing short of mannered and gentle; motioning for him to sit down and feel himself comfortably, while he calls for the person he is tasked to meet. Nerves return to him again, as he follows with his eyes the train of steps the knight has gone off to.

His gawking is cut short as a person, whom he knows is of royalty, comes into view. The only sister in the Do heirs. To which he tries to bow, in the best way he remembers; the traditional 90-degree bow Magnus holds regard for royalty.

“Good evening, Your Highness.” he momentarily forgets he isn’t a citizen in this kingdom anymore. To which he felt awkward. Maybe the quick gawking and view took him back to being a Northern constituent by default.

“Good evening too, Lord Kim. You have earned yourself a visit. Presumably for my younger brother?” he earns himself a graceful curtsy.

To which a question that renders him weird. _‘So they know he is coming?’_

“Don’t fret. It will be fine. I know because I’m the one who monitors the visiting and visitors. Everything is fine.” Her voice is surprisingly too calm for Jongin, to which he registers that maybe she is the answer as to why he is graced in the first place. She chuckles. “Why are you so surprised I know?”

 _‘She is so observant_ ’, he mentally notes. With which his nerves start to kick in and he doesn’t know again what to even answer.

“You’re fine don’t worry. In fact, don’t take it as a big deal. My household would be delighted to receive you in case the occasion calls for.”

“Thank you, would delightfully arranged one for you too. In case you grace Ortus.” he replies courteously. Getting a smile from the princess, but in a different tone this time; in which he doesn’t miss to be of amusement.

“Of course, I would be so delighted to as well. If it would be alright that is,” she appears to genuinely joke. “If you’re going to excuse me, I will get going. My brother is coming in a few to see you. Lovely night.”

He bows again, and after setting himself up, he sees the person he is meaning to see. Looking at him and at the retreating back of the princess, puzzlingly.

“To what did she tell you?” the older asks him.

“Ah. Just pleasantries. Good evening Your Highness.” he bows the northern bow again, to which he earns an eastern curtsy from Kyungsoo.

Of course. They’re gonna take this as royals.

**Royals.**

What did he expect? of course they would.

Not the stripped down humans they once were around each other.

“Good evening too, Lord Kim Jongin. The pleasure of receiving you is mine, sire.”

Its a fast moment, exchanging of gestures. But to him, time and everything slowed. Which he willed wouldn’t. Especially not now, seeing the dead, formal eyes Kyungsoo is wearing ever since he has seen him again. After the hurt when he first came in to university.

_‘It’s fine. It will be fine.’_

He wills it to be fine this time.

“If you would do me the honors of taking this to my mini office?”

To which he nods and follows Kyungsoo upstairs.

-xxxxxx-

He tries to sit as comfortable as he could on this chair offered, in front of the big table whom he assumes as Kyungsoo’s working desk. Along with the fact that there is a big curtain which seemed too big for a proper castle window at his right side; he thinks this is a mini office extension to the prince’s bedroom.

Focusing on his nails that he forgot to trim before going to the conference, they sit in what he fears to be the environment they’d be in.

Silence. Total awkward silence.

He thinks he is supposed to start it but he hasn’t thought out just how to, plus he underestimated just how hard it would be to actually do it in person. Now that the main receiver of his explanations per se, is right in front of him. The Magnus’ prince expressions doesn’t help as well; he is wearing his usual business expression, he is finding it hard to even read him.

Thinking over in circles for good thirty minutes, awareness of the time that he owes to his wristwatch, he decides to settle for a question instead.

“What do you want me to explain first?” he says in subtly, quite too hushed for the silence of the room. To which could’ve effectively gotten the other’s attention right? he cannot quite know as he busies himself staring at his nails absentmindedly again.

“What do you want me to ask you?”

“Anything you want to. Anything. Just anything.”

He doesn’t miss the way Kyungsoo exhaled deeply, which totally sounds like he’s been holding his breathe long enough for the current mood between them.

“Wanna know how you ended up being the lost heir. Maybe we can start with that.”

Jongin briefly looks over to Kyungsoo, who he doesn’t realize tries to scribble circles mindlessly in a piece of paper now. He knows; he knows the feeling all too well. Preventing of a panic building up.

And so he tries to start as calmly as possible. Even if he has debated on whether this is the first thing he places in the open.

“I was presumably kidnapped. By whom? I’ve never known. They dont too. All I know is I used to live in a secluded warehouse near the outskirts in the more eastern part of Borealis. Just enough to conceal it near borders into thinking its an active factory. With other children too.”

He closes his eyes, trying not to recount the whole thing despite the place painting in his own mind quite vividly still. Even after all these years.

“I never knew who were behind those masks. It was always dark in the warehouse. Especially at night. Being nine, you learn to go with most of what is told to you. Especially with intimidation and threats and violence. To which I might’ve been pushed into child labor being beaten up at night. Every night.”

This time, he earns a gasp from Kyungsoo. First explicitly reaction; a break from his stoic expression a while ago.

“My memory is quite hazy but all I know is I managed to keep myself alive, one day broke from the whole thing. Someone helped me run away successfully this time to an orphanage, to which both my Borealian foster parents found me from.”

Now Kyungsoo’s facial features spelled being betrayed. To which he understands. He has never brought it up to him. Nor had the courage to. Because all Kyungsoo knows is he was a real Northern. He thought so as well; or so pretended because he didn’t know, along with the fact they had to conceal him being adopted, in reasons of not wanting him to be found by the bandits again.

“I know. I never told you. If I would have, I feared I was risking them finding me again.” he subtly shakes and shudders at the thought of them beating his back again. “...the...bandits” words in which he manages to say breathily.

It may have eased the other’s expression, but he could still see the mixture of hurt swimming in his eyes.

“In the day of our anniversary...the..f-fight..” he looks over to Kyungsoo again briefly, gauging the situation. He remembers it well, how it ended pretty badly, with him smashing the biggest and most expensive bouquet he has ever gotten. Most expensive thing he has bought at the time even.

“I woke up next day with royal knights by my door. I-i-i don’t remember much just them explaining to my parents if they can have a word with me. My parents resisted thinking it was some kind of joke, though I can see why now as they might’ve thought Ortus is messing around. So they asked me for questions which I mostly don’t remember but boiled down to me being DNA tested. And we’re here.”

Trying to look expectantly at Kyungsoo, while poking under his nails for weird dirt he hasn’t seen accumulating. He should get his nails trimmed when he goes home immediately; he decides as he lets himself getting distracted in the moment.

“Why didn’t you contacted me /after every thing/? Not even once. Or even bothered to?”

What should he even answer to that? That he was selfish? That he has resented his old self since childhood that the mere reality that forced him to be out of the beginning of every torture warranted his head a way to restart and forget everything? That he tried forgetting his past and bury it along with the prospect of them? That he was afraid in mixture of resentment for Kyungsoo’s kingdom, which were probably also his parents’ resentment rubbing off on him as well?

So many truths. And yet he doesn’t know if he is safe, or that he should even tell him all those truths. It weirdly sounds wrong now. Much more he is a royal; they’re royals talking. Above everything else.

Worse, he hasn’t felt to be even be the old Jongin. Not in the way he expected he would break his walls for him when explaining. Just as Kyungsoo who is rightfully and visibly guarded as well.

Should he ask something in turn as well? A weird question popping to his mind instead.

“I thought that I didn’t need to. Not when I want to forget who I previously was.” he started off in a normal speaking volume which gradually became hushed the more he realized he wasn’t even sure if forgetting everything is the right thing to say.

“Well I suppose that included me not be given a heads up that I’d be seeing you in a different way this time huh?” he doesn’t miss the bite. The ringing bite he has expected from him regarding this matter. Biting truth to which he is admittingly afraid to be confronted at. “Not be given any sort of closure right? Perhaps to not leave me wondering if it was my own wrong that everything went to a brink right?”

He suddenly weirdly feels on edge and his temper flared without him consciously knowing.

“Just how you can even accuse me of being a shit bag for trying to forget my own traumas in this place? Yes I didn’t. But wouldn’t I at least have the right to try to mend myself first after all the overwhelming things I found as soon as they transported me there? should I at least be given the right to mourn my own experience and contemplate over who did this and robbed me of my whole life?”

“That wasn’t what I was trying to say, I was trying to-“

“Why does it have to be you again? Why does it have to be about you? why would you take it in you too much that I wouldn’t want to communicate in this situation?”

“What the fuck Jongin?? I didn’t know your situation! Never once have you said even the first half of what you said now. I crossed my father’s and this royal’s rules for you! I went with my years thinking it was my fault again our relationship went downhill, how I couldn’t cross more things and fight for you. I thought for so many fucking stupid years that it was me who was the problem, that I was the one who pushed you. That I was the ones who wasn’t understanding. That it was my fault for being a goddamn forsaken royal you were missing. Fuck I even thought they went the lengths of dumping you somewhere cause I feared they knew you! I feared my previous guards snitched on me as to who you were the moment I escaped them for our anniversary. I tried to find you but miserably failed, getting no trace of your old records. Not even our school. And I have wondered countless times making me think its my own family’s doing. Fuck, I thought something happened to you and bad and it was my fault and its eating me alive that I am too much and yet overwhelmingly dangerous and not enough for you. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.”

“I deserved the closure Jongin. You could’ve at least in your power did that. And yet you didn’t? because you think I also don’t deserved it enough?” he knows the other thinks he is being blamed for everything he went through. But then what is he to say even at this rate? He cannot. Simple as that. He just cannot do so. And yet he also felt conflicted as to why it was so hard for him.

“What am I supposed to do then? send it to you, ignoring the heat between our households?”

“What heat? You and your kingdom are the only ones clinging to the misplaced tension of the past! It would’ve been fine, had you sneaked in a letter! Even just a short letter clearing things up for me not to get so hung up on the thought I was the one who pushed you into the nothingness. It was eating me alive.”

“Do you think my household takes it easily? The fact that I was found in your kingdom and I was harassed and abused all throughout my life because of this kingdom’s oversight of their borders? Do you honestly think I could with the people surrounding me like a prisoner, with them fearing me being lost again? With them fearing I got too northern that I don’t get enough context as to why the tension was a big deal? You don’t get to sweep that under the rug this time.”

“Why does it have to be about us being royals? It was about me and you. Haven’t you thought at least once that it was proper that you did gave me at least some closure, not as a royal but as Jongin? Did I n-not deserve that?” he starts to hear Kyungsoo’s voice crack, tears threatening his face. He cursed internally, how it was supposed to be an explanation but here they are. Bickering instead.

Basking in another enveloping silence that seemed like an eternity of just them glancing somewhere but each other's figures. Jongin decides he will give in to what he feels is right to follow up.

“Look I failed in that okay? I was a coward. Please understand it was hard for me, so hard. The current situation and the things they’ve been telling may have clouded my way. For that I am sorry.”

He bows his head, suddenly ashamed they have gone to this again. He doesn’t mean to and this goes contrary to the peace he is trying to get at. He doesn’t even remember why they got to this argument.

“ I am sorry. I’m a dumb head. I always make my emotions get the better of me,” he looks anywhere but his face, and sits on his chair again. Not having noticed they were both standing from the heat of the moment.

“It was not you. It was not your fault. Things just happened. And I couldn’t be better.”

“ **We** couldn’t be better.”

He looks up to the Borealian prince as soon as he said such words. To which he awkwardly chuckles at the sudden calm from the storm of rage they were in a few minutes ago. After he said the collective pronoun. One he doesn’t miss the emphasis at.

“We were so young. We still are but we couldn’t have known better. I am sorry as well. I have never probably understood you enough. Or maybe I failed to even try harder. Not only in our previous relationship, probably not even after you have gone missing. Maybe I too, have had my emotions control me.”

“No. No, n-no. I understand you somehow now,” he tries to stop him from blaming himself again; now that he knows he did blamed himself on him being missing. “I have never thought of your point of view as well, most especially not in the way I wish I had when we used to be /us/. Perhaps now that I am a royal myself, I understand it now. It was never easy. Not even getting a freaking letter out. Discreetly. It was never easy.”

For the first time since earlier, they stood in a silent understanding. To which he exhales silently in a bit of relief from the nerves he has been feeling.

“Then how’d you get me the memo of you wanting to grace a meeting with me?”

“That, is actually easier. I don’t have to explain but I got around it somehow. A longer letter is harder though.” he tries to reply in a joking manner, to which Kyungsoo calmly nods at.

“Look. I never knew what your side’s issues are. Especially I only heard ours, as I assure you do too, with yours,” the northern prince talks calmly as he can see him manage, as he knows its a touchy subject. He knows too well now. “ But please know my side never meant harm. At least not now and in a million years. For one we emphasize on negotiating with kingdoms. To safeguard our region’s peace. It is our utmost duty after all, with the treaty’s assigned responsibility to us. Aside from my kingdom. _Our_ collective responsibility; _our_ kingdoms.”

Jongin doesn’t miss the way he emphasized _our_ ; yes of course, a communal agreement everyone signed after all. He understands; he whole heartedly agrees as well, if he were to be his honest self. Just that the household he champions borderline thinks otherwise. Which he doesn’t let on that he understand both, not on anyone, especially not the person he is currently engaging with.

Not now. Maybe, someday he will find a way through all this. But not now.

He nods in agreement. As sincerely as he could muster.

“I guess were pretty even now?” Kyungsoo tries to laugh and says the thing jokingly, to which Jongin returns a timid smile to for the first time.

“Yes. You could say so.” he replies then swallows some courage as he asks what he is meaning to in the past few days before this meeting.

“I don’t know if you will agree with a proposal I’ve thought of for a while but,” he stares at him, straight to his eyes this time. In hopes he will grace and understand where he is coming from.

And so far he gets his whole attention full on.

Jongin suddenly hears his heart beating so loudly.

“I-I am prop-posing the possibility, I dont know...” he scratches his nape to which, he sees the other nod. Coaxing him to continue. “Sure, go on.”

“I was wondering if you would ever like for us to restart.”

He doesn’t know if that is enough words to get his point across, nor doesn’t know how the other would take his proposal. He readies himself for the impossible. _‘He will not grace it probably.’_

And weirdly he gets a timid smile and nod from the other, standing up. Stretching his hand out to him. For a handshake.

“Of course. Of course. We can.”

“Jongin.”

He misses the feeling of his hands shaking against the offered one. But all he can fixate on is he called him his name. But this time, having the same tone he used to call him back when they were younger.

The Eastern prince doesn’t know if it ended with the royals or with the previous friends. But all he knows that for the first time in years he felt lighter. At the very least. He remembers the way he says his name, as he waits for his service car to get home, back to his palace.

* * *

Just what is he supposed to even tell him?

Sehun is staring at his phone screen for a whole hours now, weirdly getting nervous over the right text he should send. But then why does he even feel this urge to text anyone especially this guy for any matter?

He doesn’t text anyone, nor communicates with anyone besides necessity. Maybe its a sign he is a miserable loner with no friends, but he still thinks its just him not wanting to have fake friends and engage in small fake talks no one wants. Or more of things he doesn’t want to engage into because they’re needlessly draining in general.

To how Kyungsoo is an exception? He doesn’t know. To how the set up between them possibly brainwashed him to even feel at the very least obligated to update on him and to update him about things? He doesn’t even surely know how and when exactly it happened.

And yet again, like a whole idiot, he wants to type something out and message him.

So he settles for something that sounds business-like.

_Hey. I am just wondering if ever anyone gave you the heads up for tomorrow’s class? And the things you missed?_

He hurriedly types and presses send. To which he regrets later and instead scrambles to off his device.

But he doesn’t get to, as an immediate ping rings out in front of him.

Excitedly opening the text, he reads.

**Kyungsoo: No one has. Would you help me with it?**

Before he could even think about it he types again, even faster this time and tells him what he needs to know.

**‘Project for entrepreneurship. Requires you to read up in advance as professor wont be discussing how to set up a micro business. The time allotted tomorrow is for group planning already. Until the end of midterm grading.’**

**Kyungsoo: For what I suppose?**

**‘Group business booth. For the upcoming university founding anniversary. Treaty of peace day.’**

**Kyungsoo: Oh thank you. Are you a team mate that’s why you’re telling me ahead?**

**‘I suppose so’**

_‘Its all just that right? Its all just that. Just what else could it be?’_ he groans at himself who is dumb to even decide its normal to having to worry even for a supposedly _normal heads up to a group mate_ text. On why he did even started, he regrets it again now. A million times perhaps.

**Kyungsoo: Just us?**

He doesnt actually fancy talking about the others but Kyungsoo needs to know perhaps. He has no power over it.

**‘With two others. Ignis. Ortus.’**


	17. Archer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension that is as thick as a knife can cut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Late happy new year greetings from me hehe but I genuinely wish you all a fruitful year ahead. ^^
> 
> I updated late as I was targeting the new years to post another chapter but I went through a writer's block (and feeling demotivated) hsksjkss and I couldnt get out my words right hhhhhh but thankfully today I could, which is as fast as I couldve put out words in the past weeks hehe. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this (late) Christmas and maybe New Years' present. Tell me what you think and feel as usual but most importantly enjoy ;)

He knew this will happen. And weirdly as much as he himself is involved in it, technically, he wants nothing to do with it. And so he continues to pretend he isn’t /involved/, as he eyes the situation unfolding right in front of him.

Sehun mentally sighs at the stand still in front of him; three other young princes like him, one bowing his head looking somewhere else, clearly agitated. The other two? Busy eyeing each other silently. Squarely. He internally laughs. Maybe the Park finally saw someone who is another match; an unspoken but obvious match. To whether the Ignean prince knows it or not, he cant be bothered. He does, and he can only imagine the eyebrows of the red-haired charismatic prince furrowing even more in frustration, the moment he /finally/ realizes they’re not even in the level the newest addition of the royal has.

**In Kyungsoo’s life.**

He runs his left hand through his hair, still looking at the scene. Should he do something about it? but then its too early to be joining and also “squaring his gaze” in this unspoken war between them. He would rather smoothen things up, even if temporarily. As much as he can for some peace, even if things are kept at bay. Plus he doesn’t appreciate one bit how annoyingly unnecessary it is to see this view early morning. He didn’t get to drink his morning coffee, hence he is too sleep deprived right now; worse of all, he cannot stomach the uneasiness he sees in the Borealian prince in front of him.

He doesn’t like it at all; this is too stressful for the Do.

He wants to take the whole thing away from him for awhile.

“How about we settle for our plan of schedule?” he prompts unto the heavy frenzy. “Like have a concrete timeline how we are going to do the necessary paperwork, things to pass for approval then perhaps think about what business were going to conduct upon settling those bigger general things.”

Everyone looked at him like he just said the most insensible thing. He shrugged at the two taller princes instead.

“I mean can you even suggest another thing to do? We are wasting minutes already for this needless silence. Not unless you already have a business idea, which is of course evidently nothing yet. I suggest we use the time to plan out the bigger timeline and maybe perhaps get the necessary forms to fill up from the school’s offices. That way when we have a more concrete plan we can do a lot quickly in one go. Pass the necessary shit,” he knows he is finally succumbing to the heated pit but he cant help but say his frustration.

He is just getting annoyed at the inaction; its inefficient for one, unsettling for him. But much more /obviously/ unsettling for the petite figure in front of him who is still not saying anything.

“I suppose he is right,” the one on his left began to speak. Finally. At least the Eastern prince is not stubborn than he thought he would be. Well, given his kingdom of origin.

“How about we do what he said, the paperwork first, collect the forms, secure the pattern of the business plan or proposal then decide which business were going to settle on?”

“Just not too late. I don’t know what day it will be but I suggest we’d rather not delay it further than tomorrow because by then we would only have three to four days until Sunday. Until foundation-treaty day.” the Southern prince also piped in finally. Sehun cannot help but let out a breath of relief, albeit discreetly. The whole thing is finally moving sensibly. Out of the stupor brought by each ones’ emotions. He has his own too but of course, he doesn’t wanna flunk his university grade even for this subject. Plus its time to be objective, he still wants none of the evident stress Kyungsoo’s eyes carry.

He wonders how the other two cannot even sense it. For people who at least in his eyes strongly claim to want to be with the one he is arranged marriage with; strongly than he himself can assert.

/Maybe/ strongly than he wants.

Assertion not bound or borne by arrangement alone.

He caught himself again this time. Too concerned; he is too concerned for his own liking. He doesn’t remember being like this on anyone. And he lowkey hates it still. _This is all business, **all business**._ He reminds himself yet again that there is no deeper feelings involved.

He doesn’t want any feelings to mix in; he doesn’t want to. He tries to think he doesn’t want to.

May be he is in denial or not, and yet he cannot bear to.

_Just yet_.

He is still not sure of himself. He is not sure what to make of everything, despite being too aware too, all at once. He doesn’t know why he is in such a paradoxical loop these days, but he is.

A crisis. Maybe that’s what it is.

Looking at the small but sturdy hands fumbling on his lower polo buttons, he glances at the regal figure in front of him, who in turn looks at his eyes. Possibly staring at him back due to maybe his evident attention on him; he doesn’t exactly know /if it's exactly that/ and cannot be bothered to even know /why/. Because all Sehun can focus on right now is the small smile that graces the prince’s plump lips.

Kyungsoo talks finally, saying something along the lines of the general procedure he knows people usually go through when asking for approval for foundation day booths.

But he doesn’t even put his focus there.

He instead smiles at him back, even if late. Even if the other prince cannot /probably/ see it.

* * *

Last form before going home.

Kyungsoo finally reached the last office he is aiming for, earnestly waiting for the last form needed for setting up their project booth for treaty day. He honestly doesn’t wanna be designated as the head of the project, even if impliedly; but of course he gets to be. He remembers the tension he felt within the atmosphere early on, and he still feels like his chest is going to explode. Even on the simple thought of them being in one room, his head is already aching.

And as if it couldn’t get worse, everyone decides they do their paperwork in his place. Sure, a good way to even keep more tension at bay. Fuck, the whole thought of them three together in a room with him is already suffocating, rendering him frozen. Just like how it did earlier even if its in the classroom. Being in the same room as the three is hell to his thoughts and feelings, much more bringing them all to his own home. Even for a requirement.

Just when will the universe grant him an easy week? Probably never. He is probably doomed for eternity.

Because he doesn’t want to be even in the same proximity as any of them; he wants to just bury himself under his covers and sleep it all away. Pretend the world is not pressuring him in facing these things that are happening too early in his life.

Too early for his liking.

The officer-in-charge cues his name, and he gets the form he is waiting for. Smiling and saying thank you’s to them. He stares at the paper on his hand.

_Face it. You have no choice anyways. You’re bound to, Kyungsoo._

He heads out of the building, hurrying to find his service car so he can go home as early as possible. To prepare for tomorrow’s whole day group meet up.

-xxxxxx-

Kyungsoo personally sets the tea cups on the table, placing each in front of the three guys sitting separately on the corners of the mini lounge they have gathered at. Sure, he can ask the ladies to kindly do the host’s responsibilities, but then he wants to do it himself. Anything to occupy his mind right now and prevent it from going south.

He tries to settle the hot, white teapot from the silver tray he is holding on his left hand, carefully so as to not make too much noise. Seeing movement from the side, he sees Prince Oh grabbing his tea cup, to which he deciphers as him wanting to grab some tea.

Lavenders. With a hint of chamomile. He went for that option mindlessly.

But maybe its to help settle the possible tension that is going to surely brew within the next hours in the room. Anything that can relax the people in front of him, he will take.

Receiving a smile from Sehun, he smiles back. He doesn’t know why a thin but understanding smile is thrown at him, but perhaps he is too nervous and the other sees it. To which he is grateful that the said prince is not even exhibiting any actions that makes Kyungsoo more nervous. But he still cannot help but be /nervous/, because the whole thought of the three love interests /if you could call them all that/ is still not rendering him relaxed.

God he is too agitated for his own good.

Good thing he can pretend that he is all focused on this mindless serving of tea, as he proceeds to fixate on grabbing the teapot after the Pacificae prince and pours in his own share to sip.

“Guys, I chose lavender with a hint of chamomile. I don’t know, perhaps I wanted you all to sip some freshly made tea our region is specialized in?” he throws in a smile, as genuine and as friendly as he could muster. Hoping to calm everyone. “Is it okay? Or do you all prefer a caffeinated option? perhaps I can ask the maids to bring in some coffee or black tea along with the snacks later.”

“No this option is fine with me, Your Highness.” Jongin replies to him, which startles Kyungsoo. But much on the formal address. The restart thing he is still trying to figure.

Was it restarting like nothing happened, working their way from strangers level? Or perhaps friendship or the love part? He hadn’t bothered to ask when they shook hands, but from the looks of it, they’re really back at square one. Reboot. He assumes so.

Square one of being acquaintances, at least in this case on what the royals of North and East would be actually at /minus every past they have/. The two characters have only met in the introduction party after all. That is, if you also remove the royals meeting up the other day.

He smiles at him instead and addresses it as neatly as he wants to. “Kyungsoo. Just Kyungsoo. Don’t be so formal,” he tries to beam at him in addition, to get the point across that they can address each other as classmates would do. He sips his tea once again after he gets a knowing nod from the receiver.

“How about you, Yeol?” he turns to the fiery prince, who changed his red hair into a platinum blonde. Makes him into a more charismatic, magical prince than he already is.

“Could I get some caffeine Soo? Not gonna lie I could use some since I haven’t drank anything to wake me up this morning. Had to travel early.” he smiles at the sheepish expression drawing his bestfriends’ features. His friend is getting visibly shy maybe because he groggy still from the early travel and it amuses him. It weirdly calms Kyungsoo down.

_Maybe the whole nerve wracking ordeal is just in my head after all._

“Sure thing. I can tell them to serve in some coffee in a few. We’d probably need it too later in the afternoon.”

He goes to the nearest servant and asks them to bring in caffeine in two specific times today. Internally hoping this wont kick start an agitated group of young men. He just wants a good project making session. Relaxed /like he would think so/ in the split second with the tea situation earlier.

-xxxxxx-

Knife. Kyungsoo decides he needs a knife this time.

If he thought some tea will die the tension down, he is utterly wrong. As soon as the topic went to them deciding which business idea to settle for, he finds himself back at the thickly tensed showdown that’s bound to happen. Formal addresses but gazes that are too intense and competitive for his own liking.

Its like he is watching a debate instead of a group planning session. And this time, with obvious formal words laced with biting as opposed to just challenging each other in the eyes.

A thicker tension that he can surely cut with a knife.

He sighs. He doesn’t know what to do, but then he cant just say anything too concrete can he? If he does it will give away to three people that the West and the South are both vying for him through arrangement. He feels the two knows it themselves at some point or feels so, because he can occasionally see them have their own eye showdown themselves when they think he wasn’t paying attention. But he cannot bring himself to even make it too obvious when now they’re all together. He prefers to not address it. Because it renders him stiff again. The whole thought of hinting so, much more choosing between the two. Even the thought of the whole duty of choosing is more than enough of a catalyst for tension.

Much more now that the Kim enters the picture. Not that anyone knows who the new heir /actually/ is. Well they know him by his royal position and presence but not about who he is for him. On who he really is in this whole scenario. That he is Jongin; used to be _**that**_ Jongin for him.

No one knows. No one needs to know because what for? Is there even a necessity to make it known at the moment? He cannot think of any valid reason.

His best friend doesn’t know, the Pacificae prince possibly doesn’t know too either despite it was him who drunkenly dragged his ass out of the heated introduction party. He doesn’t know for sure.

Right?

Well as Kyungsoo observes he doesn’t seem so, with the bored and done expression of his. He studies Sehun’s face closely but discreetly this time, who is busy evidently scowling at the two princes arguing their business ideas out.

“No, we need a set up that appeals more to the age of the modern heirs. I say holding a snack-based or pastry-based corner near the kiosks is the better option. Rears in more people buying assorted region snacks. Besides who doesn’t want a snack. Seems more practical knowing everyone would be engrossed on the games and events on the foundation day.” the Eastern prince explains to a clearly on edge Ignean prince in front of him. On the other side of the lounge table.

“Well _traditionally_ , as everyone does so in a foundation day, there is always a need for a dish or meal based mini dining place. We don’t even have to serve too many dishes on the menu, just a few classic ones so as to draw in visitors too. Remember its a region wide celebration, not just the school’s. Plus its a whole day. Hence people will also enter the premises for meals. I say this will take in more money as older ones and even visiting elders will be lured by a soothing relaxing cafe to be in.” Chanyeol quips in response, this time visibly settling his back against the chair. “I mean why wouldn’t anyone want a classic relaxing space to just dine in?”

“You cant guarantee customers will stay around snack hours can you? Wouldn’t they want to look around more? and wouldn’t it be more convenient for them to hold their snacks while lurking in the market and booths instead?” Jongin smiles but its way too formal and stifling of a smile to be accommodating.

“Then why is it a regular go-to project for every festival? care to explain?”

Two good options depending on the target market you want to focus on. Chanyeol is campaigning the traditional cafe style that is usually being set up by the students. The usual model in foundation day. Meanwhile Jongin wants to offer something new to the table, something more organic and smaller scaled. Ironic if you take in their own kingdoms’ customs. But the whole ordeal just makes Kyungsoo sigh more on another thought, because they seem to be tightly clinging on their opinions. Refusing to back down or even hear each other out. Its not a collaborative session at all, even if they’re both right in their own extent. And he has no energy to even call this childish argument out. He doesn’t wanna call them out again countless times now, as its starting to get later in the morning, approaching lunch.

He’s had enough of this whole thing.

So he stands up and leaves, heading somewhere but the annoying squabble /underlying display/ of egos in front of him.

-xxxxxx-

He heads out of the wooden door at the side of the palace, to which he sees exactly who he knows is currently occupying the place.

His brother is currently too focused with his sword lessons, to which Kyungsoo wants to join for a mental break. He /desperately/ needs it.

Grabbing a sword by the side, and signaling his brother’s current opponent behind his back, he swoops in quickly. Taking the place of the servant once the two switched places; his brother now in the servant’s previous positioning.

Skilled people now facing each other, his brother smiles knowingly, preventing his own sword from drawing out or advancing. He steps back trying to regain bearing and find a way to defeat his brother to which he settles for a quick slash from the right, resulting to them in a series of fast dancing to a harmony of clashing metals and several odd foot works. In a final move, he forces all his power into his last defense with the sword, rendering his brother off guard. Making him stumble and back off a few steps from his clear release of force.

“Woah, Kyungsoo. You all right?” his brother inquires as he angrily steps away from the scene to place his sword outside. He has done enough sword fighting; he just wants to shoot some arrows.

“No I am fine,” he dismisses the inquiry, heading for the servant to bring him his beloved, customized bow and arrow. Screw the meeting upstairs. He wants nothing of it for he time being. _Fuck them, let them fend for their own_.

“You’re clearly upset. that’s not fine Kyungsoo. Tell me.”

“I’m just mad and I want some steam off. Don’t worry.”

His brother goes silent while eyeing him closely, to which he starts to take his attention away from and instead stare at the faraway figures of the trees; waiting for his weapon to be brought to him.

“Don’t you want to do more sword fighting with me? Let that steam off more into practice?”

He mulls over the offer, staring at his brother’s copper and gold colored sword. A simple thing on the other’s hand feeding his deep, unspoken abstract thoughts.

“What do I even do in a situation of two equally good swordsmen? Their fight would be bound to no end. They can go on for a whole day; **_we_ **can go on for a whole day,” he says randomly and blabbers a bit mindlessly, in answer to the offer. “Heck put in another. Heck, even if its three people who are equally good in swords; will probably have no end or even progress at some point.”

He doesn’t need more practice with a person equally as good in his level; he doesn’t need to observe another swordsman who has the same skill set as him. No two same leveled people will enhance their skills in the same thing after all. They both need a different opponent, preferably someone more skilled than they are currently to hone themselves further to perfection /perhaps/; otherwise its bound to never ending sessions of draws. Plus they wont defeat each other intentionally. They’re on the same boat as family after all. Protection in mind during practice and all the sorts, which wont help his current steam waiting to be unrestrained.

A servant finally comes in with polished bows and arrows and he grabs his, but also sees his brother’s own archery weapons handed to him. He doesn’t pay attention to it that much and instead immediately heads for the little opening leading to the bigger field, seeing the training garden keepers already setting up the new target rings for his usual /unannounced/ target practice.

He starts to shoot one arrow, which quickly lands on bullseye. He stares at it longer; at his first bullseye ever since picking up archery.

Maybe he needs to be as annoyed and flared as he is now, just to have a straight aim with his still poor archery skills. He has struggled to do so in his practices; so maybe a little anger can actually go a long way.

Hearing some shuffling and footsteps beside him, he sees his brother shoot an arrow, landing on the center target as well. And suddenly faces him, smiling. As if he knows something he doesnt.

“Maybe you need to look for an archer,” his brother says as he gets himself another arrow to use. “Maybe you need to stop fixing your point of view on the swords and even the men with their equal set of skills. Instead find someone who can also shoot the arrow well. Find the one who can also handle the long distance instead of the fixed close proximity of the usual sword fighting.”

He stays silent, shocked at the sense and ironic figurative fit of the words thrown at him.

“Maybe its time to look for another angle. Look outside the box; find another skillset for you to polish on. Maybe that’s the cue for you to realize you have done well already in the swords and you don’t need another swordsman to be with you. You need a person who can do another and teach you the ways of the arrows instead. In that way, you’re not bound into one perspective or skill forever. You’re not bound at staring at the swords and wondering endlessly what to do more. Plus you can have both,” his brother knowingly smiles and winks at him. “That way you get more skills.”

He let out a sigh of relief, like his previous steam was suddenly worn off. Hugging his brother suddenly, he laughs at his one-sidedness.

“Thank you,” he whispers before heading out back upstairs.

Returning to his visitors, he finds them already starting the different forms. This time it is unexpectedly lead by the previously quiet and annoyed Sehun; who then explains to him the agreed plan they came up with when he walked away. A mini cafe that serves pastries and a few pasta and meat dishes; with a casual but relaxed theme where people can both grab snacks, coffee and meals.

To which he only nods at. Still feeling the tension but on a lesser tone in the silence, he decides to start typing out a few words for their business plan.

But now with a clearer direction for it /about everything/ in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as of 1/5/2021:
> 
> Hello guys! I dont know if anyone is still reading this fic hehe but if somehow there are people who still do, I might be updating slowly or way randomly hehe not in an expected pattern huhu I am currently writing the draft for the next chapter but as to when Im gonna post will depend on the time I have and can allocate these days (plus ofc the readiness of the chapter to be posted, as per judgment ^^) Im sorry but yes real life happened AGAIN. I am still set on finishing it somehow, mostly because I dont like unfinished stuff myself but yeah I just cannot promise certain time frames even if I set deadlines for myself hehe (like how I want to follow up another chapter immediately within this week or the time I failed to put up at least 2 chapters for new years huhu). I hope thats still okay and I hope that wont disappoint your anticipation for the succeeding chapters. 
> 
> As usual thank you for following my fic, if you are. I will never get tired of saying thank you hehe ^^


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